CHRISTIANITY: A WAY OF LIFE
1] What is God’s way of life?
What
produces happiness? What are the principles of life that tell us what makes
life work and what doesn’t? What would you give to know the answers to those
questions? The great Creator of all mankind has not left us without the answers
to these questions. In his booklet “Why Were You Born?” Herbert W. Armstrong
wrote:
“The book called the Holy Bible itself lays claim to being
the revelation of basic, necessary knowledge – the INSTRUCTION MANUAL – which
man’s Maker sent along with the crowning product of His making – the human
man!” (p.2).
Yes, God has given us the
answers to these questions of what produces happiness, what works and what
doesn’t work in getting along happily with our fellow man. In the same booklet
Mr Armstrong also wrote:
“There exist, overall, only TWO
BASIC WAYS OF LIFE -- two divergent philo s. They travel in opposite
directions. I state them very simply: One is the way of GIVE -- the other of
GET.
“More
specifically, the one is the way of humility, and of outgoing concern for
others equal to self-concern. It is the way of cooperation, serving, helping,
sharing; of consideration, patience and kindness. More important, it is also
THE WAY of obedience to, reliance on, and worship solely toward God. It is the
GOD-centered way, of LOVE toward God and LOVE toward neighbor.
“The
opposite is the SELF-centered way of VANITY, lust and greed; of competition and
strife; of envy, jealousy, and unconcern for the welfare of others.
“Few
realize this vital FACT: The GIVE way is actually an invisible, yet inexorable,
SPIRITUAL LAW in active motion. It is summarized, in principle, by the Ten
Commandments. It is a LAW as REAL, as inflexibly relentless as the law of
gravity! It governs and regulates all human relationships!” (p.10-11).
In Romans
13:8-10 the apostle Paul wrote: “Owe no one anything except to love
one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments,
‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not steal,’
‘You shall not bear false witness,’ ‘You shall not covet,’ and if there is
any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying,
namely, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ Love does no harm to a
neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.”
In
the UCG Bible Study Course the following is written about God’s way of life: “Members of the early Church
often referred to themselves as those who followed the Way. Paul refers to
their way of life as ‘the way of the Lord’ and ‘the way of God’ (Acts 18:25-26). In other words, the early
Christians, directly taught by Christ's apostles, were recognized by their
deeds and actions. Their godly way of life distinguished them from the society
around them.
“The way of life of the early Christians was called the Way because they lived the way Christ lived. They followed His example. They obeyed His instructions. The ‘Way’ was then, and still is, a way of living and thinking that is profoundly different from that followed by the vast majority of humanity” (Lesson 11 – Christianity: A Way of Life, p.3).
2] What are the Ten Commandments?
When God led Israel out of
Egypt He inspired Moses to write the first five books of the Bible, sometimes
called the Pentateuch. The book of Genesis explains the origins of the universe
and mankind as the creation of God as well as the early history of God’s
dealing with mankind. The next four books contain the laws, statutes and judgments
of God, starting with the Ten Commandments. The laws contained in Exodus
through to Deuteronomy form the foundation to understand the rest of the Bible
and God’s way of life. They also formed the constitution of the nation of
Israel.
In the UCG booklet “The Ten Commandments” we read the following
about the Ten Commandments:
“If you think of the Bible
as a guidebook for human behaviour, the Ten Commandments serve as the main
headings in its table of contents. By themselves, the commandments do not tell
the whole story, but they clearly summarize it…
“Jesus Christ defined the
purpose of God’s law as teaching us how to apply the two great principles of
loving God and loving each other. He made this clear when someone asked Him,
‘Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?’ How did Jesus respond?
‘You shall love the Lord your God
with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the
first and great commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your
neighbour as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the Law and the
Prophets’ (Matthew 22:35-40)…
“When Jesus explained that
everything written in ‘the Law and the Prophets’ falls under the two major
headings of love for God and love for neighbour, He was emphasizing the
importance of relationships (Matthew 22:35-40).
He was telling us that every command of God defines an aspect of the exemplary
relationships we should have with each other or with Him.
“When we look closely at the
Ten Commandments, we see that the first four define how to relate to God—how to
show proper love and respect for our Maker. The other six define the essentials
for right relationships with each other…
“Jesus said, ‘Do not think
that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but
to fulfil’ (Matthew 5:17). By ‘fulfil,’
He meant that His teachings would fill out or expand the application of the
commandments of God…To make this point, in this same passage He affirms some
specific commandments and then greatly expands their application.
“He first focuses on the
commandment forbidding murder. ‘You have heard that it was said to those of
old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the
judgment.’ But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a
cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother,
‘Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall
be in danger of hell fire’ (verses 21-22).
“Jesus Christ showed that
the principle embodied in this commandment goes far beyond the taking of human
life. It includes the destructive effects of anger and bitterness. Christ
explained that condemning and hating someone in our hearts could prevent us
from inheriting eternal life. In other words, Jesus showed that His teachings amplify and explain the required behaviour summarized in the Ten Commandments”
(p. 7, 3, 7-8).
Of the Ten Commandments,
seven of them begin with “Thou shalt not” and this has led to the idea that the
Ten Commandments are negative and restrictive. Why do seven of them start with
“Thou shalt not”?
Well, you have to think
about it in terms of how a parent gradually teaches a child how to behave and
live a moral life. Because of the limited comprehension of an infant a parent
has to be very specific and, more often than not, they have to tell them not to
touch something or do something because infants do whatever they feel like or
what comes naturally. As the child grows the instructions from the parent are
still mostly specific actions but there is more of a balance between positive
directions and negative ones.
As the child gets older still the parent explains more of why they are asked to do things or not do certain actions. The parent teaches the child more about the principles of why things are right and wrong. The more they grasp those principles of why things are right and wrong, the more the directions from the parents move from specific actions to principles and attitudes.
The way that God teaches us
His way of life in the Bible is much the same way. We, like the Israelites
when they came out of Egypt, are like spiritual infants when we first start
to learn about God’s way of life. The Ten Commandments are mostly specific
actions where God tells us not to do certain things. The statutes and the
judgments again mostly deal with specific actions rather than principles and
there is more of a balance between positive actions and negative ones.
As the people of Israel did
not have God’s spirit and were spiritually immature God had to be very specific
and tell them what they could and couldn’t do. When we get to the New Testament
most of the new teaching introduced about God’s way of life focuses on
attitudes like the fruits of God’s spirit and the principles behind the laws of
God.
In Romans 2:14-15
Paul wrote: “When Gentiles, who do not have the law, by nature do the things in
the law, these, although not having the law, are a law to themselves, who show
the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing
witness, and between themselves their thoughts accusing or else excusing
them.”
The Gentiles who weren’t given the laws of God
follow a number of the same laws. Even the most primitive tribes have laws
against murder and stealing. Simple observation of the consequences help a lot
of cultures know many of the basics of what is right and what is wrong.
In James 2:10-11
we read: “For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point,
he is guilty of all. For He who said, ‘Do not commit adultery’, also said, ‘Do
not murder.’ Now if you do not commit adultery, but you do murder, you have
become a transgressor of the law.” What James is getting at here is that God’s
law and His way of life is NOT a smorgasbord. You can’t have a pick and choose
approach to God’s law. We are to keep ALL of God’s law as best as we can.
With that as background
let’s now look at the Ten Commandments and understand the principles behind
them.
[1]
“You shall have no other gods before Me” (Exodus 20:3).
“What is Our Greatest Priority?…When
asked which of all the laws in the Bible is the greatest, Christ responded
by saying: ‘You shall love the Lord
your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind’
(Matthew
22:35-38; quoted from Deuteronomy 6:5).
“This is the First
Commandment’s powerful message. We are to worship and serve our Creator—the
miracle-working God who led ancient Israel out of Egyptian bondage—and to
credit our existence and blessings to no other source. We are to love, respect
and honour Him—to have a genuine, personal relationship with Him (The Ten Commandments, p.9-12).
“Everyone is interested in what the future holds, and we often look to
others for guidance. But God warned about looking to the occult for advice.
Mediums and spiritists were outlawed because God was not the source of their
information. At best, occult practitioners are fakes whose predictions cannot
be trusted. At worst, they are in contact with evil spirits and are thus
extremely dangerous. We don't need to look to the occult for information about
the future. God has given us the Bible so that we may obtain all the
information we need -- and the Bible's teaching is trustworthy” (Life
Application Bible, p.198).
“What do you truly ‘serve’?
What is your life primarily devoted to? In all honesty, what do you truly love
with ALL your being above everything else? Yourself? Your mate? Your children?
Your career? If the answer is not God at all times, then you are breaking the
first commandment. For whenever we disobey—the real cause of human suffering—it
is because God is not first in our thoughts and priorities.
“Paul
explained that ‘the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil’ (1 Timothy 6:10). And every form of coveting
is idolatry (Colossians
3:5).
Others are slaves of certain obsessions, addictions and wrong habits. Drug
addiction, glut nd every other fleshly lust are also forms of idolatrous
worship. The Bible mentions those ‘whose god is their belly... who set their
mind on earthly things’ (Philippians
3:19).
The hedonistic pursuit of ‘fun, fun, FUN!’ and endless entertainment is also
a form of false worship. Today, television has become a ‘god’ for many that
often does nothing more than waste valuable time.
“Sadly, most people just
don't think about God very much. They don't truly and humbly call on Him for
help unless they are in some dire circumstance. Essentially, they have a
‘hip-pocket god’—one they pull out in emergencies to put in a ‘quick fix.’
“What do you think about the
most? That is what you actually ‘worship’! After all, the thoughts that dominate
your mind are what you truly value. Be sure that the thoughts, plans, hopes
and dreams that you hold all revolve around your Creator—with loving and obeying
Him, serving Him, and fulfilling His purpose in your life (Colossians 3:1-4)”
(GCG booklet, The Ten Commandments, p.13-16).
[2]
“You shall not make for yourself a carved image…you shall not bow down to them
nor serve them” (Exodus 20:4).
“Our Creator is a living
God, not an inanimate statue, figurine or picture. To make any representation
of Him distorts and limits our perception of what He is really like, and so
damages our relationship with Him.
“Jesus made this clear when
He said, ‘God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and
truth’ (John 4:24). We are not to
worship God with images and meaningless rituals. Jesus explained that ‘the true
worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is
seeking such to worship Him’ (verse 23).
“The Second Commandment is a
constant reminder that we only, of all created things, are made in the image of
God. Only we can be transformed into the spiritual image of Christ, who, of
course, came in the flesh as the perfect spiritual image of our heavenly
Father.
“The Second Commandment
reminds us that God is far greater than anything we can see or imagine. We must
never let that knowledge be pushed aside by the use of some image or likeness
in our worship of God (The Ten Commandments,
p.12-23).
[3]
“You shall not take the name of the Lord
your God in vain” (Exodus 20:7).
“The Third Commandment
focuses on showing respect. It addresses the way we communicate our feelings
about God to others and to Him. It encompasses our attitudes, speech and
behaviour. We are expected always to honour who and what He is.
“Conversely,
the use of God’s name in a flippant, degrading or in any way disrespectful
manner expresses an attitude of disdaining the relationship we are supposed to
have with Him. This can vary from careless disregard to hostility and
antagonism. It covers misusing God’s name in any way.
“Because those who follow
Jesus Christ are known by His name, and perform their service to God in His
name, their behaviour always either honours or dishonours Him.
“Paul explains that even
some who regard themselves as Christians can disgrace God’s name by their
conduct. ‘Let as many bondservants as are under the yoke count their own
masters worthy of all honour, so that the name of God and His doctrine may not
be blasphemed’ (1 Timothy 6:1)” (The Ten
Commandments, p.24-29).
[4]
“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labour and do
all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no
work” (Exodus 20:8-9).
We covered the importance of
the Sabbath already in Lesson 10 on God’s Holy Days but let’s review a few of
the highlights. Why is setting apart one day a week so important that God
included it as one of His Ten Commandments? We read the following answer in the
UCG booklet “The Ten Commandments”:
“Relationships take time.
Every successful association demands time. No close relationship can succeed
without it—no courtship, no marriage, no friendship. Our relationship with God
is no exception.”
“The Sabbath is a special
day to concentrate on developing our spiritual relationship with God. Although
it is a day of rest from our normal routines and we do need even physical
rejuvenation, it is not a day for doing nothing, as some assume. On the
contrary, the Sabbath is a special day on which we dramatically change the focus
of our activity. God intended that it be a delightful period during which we
busily draw closer to Him” (p.34, 33).
An intimate part of keeping the sabbath holy is
assembling for a holy convocation. A convocation is a commanded assembly or
gathering of people. God commands our presence each sabbath in the same way
that a court can command our appearance to be a witness in a court case unless
we have a genuine reason such as sickness or distance.
God has commanded it because He knows we need
regular encouragement and to regularly hear God’s truth being taught to us to help us stick
close to God. Without our minds being fed by God’s values on this regular basis
we quickly drift into following our natural desires and the ways of this world
which are often the path of least resistance.
In Isaiah 58:13-14 we read the following principles
on how to keep the Sabbath holy: “If you turn away your foot from the Sabbath
from doing your pleasure on my holy day and call the Sabbath a delight,
the holy day of the Lord honourable and shall honour him not doing your own
ways, nor finding your pleasure, nor speaking your own words. Then you shall
delight yourself in the Lord.”
Our own ways has to do with
our employment, studies and those things involved in helping us make a living
or our physical maintenance. Finding our own pleasure involves our hobbies,
sports and other personal interests while our own words means the everyday
things we talk about that don't involve God.
“We desperately need to take
time to grow close to our Creator. He tells us how much special time we need to
set aside for our relationship with Him and when to take it. We have to decide
whether we trust His judgment and are willing to obey His Sabbath commandment (The Ten Commandments, p.36).
[5]
“Honour your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12).
“The Fifth Commandment shows
us from whom and how the fundamentals of respect and honour are most
effectively learned. It guides us to know how to yield to others, how to
properly submit to authority and how to accept the influence of mentors.
Learning to obey this commandment helps children establish a lifetime pattern
of respecting proper rules, traditions, principles and laws. Honouring others
should be a normal, natural habit learned during youth...
“We and our children should
[also] be sure we do not neglect honouring our grandparents. They have
contributed significantly to our lives, and most grandparents cherish their
grandchildren (The Ten Commandments, p.37,42).
“[Romans
13:5 says] that we must obey constituted
authority - not only ‘because of wrath’, that is, fear of punishment, ‘but
also for conscience sake’ - because we know we should since the authority
is ultimately from God. Coming to understand this important point begins with
submission to parents during childhood. Too many children today obey their
parents only when coerced, begged or even bribed! Lacking is a spirit of willingness
to obey and serve. Yet, even though children are still carnally minded (Romans
8:7) and the outside world may negatively influence them, if
parents are faithful in properly teaching God's way of life, even this right
attitude can be fostered to some degree.
“All this should help explain
why obeying the fifth commandment enables us to ‘live long on the earth’ [Ephesians
6:1-2]. Children who obey their parents automatically develop
habits that lead to long life. They will tend to steer clear of youthful recklessness,
violence, wrong associations and general rebellion - which often lead to early
death. Later, their respect for law and government will prevent them from
breaking civil laws, keeping them safe and out of trouble. And ultimately,
those young people who learn to respectfully submit to their parents, and
later to God Himself, will definitely ‘Iive long on the earth’ - as immortal
spirit beings right here on this planet! (Matthew
5:5; Revelation 5:10).
“Additionally, there are
everyday blessings for the obedient child. He has a sense of security. Without
parentally imposed limits, a child will be confused and feel somewhat uncared
for. Obedience will free him from frustrating feelings of guilt and rebellion.
His life will seem happier, more carefree and purposeful. And, when later
imbued with spiritual life, he will make the wonderful transition from
honouring his human parents to worshiping his eternal spiritual Parent - the
Great God!” (GCG booklet, The Ten Commandments, p.38-39).
[6]
“You shall not murder” (Exodus 20:13).
“We must control our
tempers. Taking another person’s life is not our right to decide. That judgment
is reserved for God alone. That is the thrust of this commandment. God does not
allow us to choose to wilfully, deliberately take another person’s life. The
Sixth Commandment reminds us that God is the giver of life, and He alone has
the authority to take it or to grant humans permission to take it.
“The Sixth Commandment does
not specifically apply to manslaughter—deaths caused accidentally through
carelessness or other unintentional actions. Such deaths, although serious
occurrences, are not considered—by the laws of God or man—to fall into the same
category as premeditated murder…
“God’s preference is for us
to be merciful. He is especially merciful to anyone who repents. ‘Say to them:
‘As I live,’ says the Lord God,
‘I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from
his way and live’’ (Ezekiel 33:11). That
is how God thinks. That is the way He wants us to think.
“When her accusers brought a woman caught in the act of adultery to Jesus, what was His reaction? Her accusers would have gladly stoned her to death had Jesus agreed to that punishment. Such was the penalty allowed by law for such an offence. But, although He in no way condoned her sin, neither did He condemn her to death. Instead, He commanded her to ‘go and sin no more’ (John 8:11). He showed mercy, giving her the opportunity to reconsider how she was living and change her ways to avoid the judgment to come.
“Christ amplified the
meaning of ‘murder’ to include bitter animosity, contempt or hateful hostility
toward others. Merely harbouring malicious attitudes toward others violates the
intent of the Sixth Commandment. Why? Because this is mental and emotional
warfare, the desire to see a fellow human being suffer.
“Using words and speech to
emotionally injure other people is equally wrong. With our tongues and pens we
attack them verbally. We assault their feelings. We annihilate their
respectability. We damage their reputations…
“God wants us to go far
beyond avoiding murder. He requires that we not maliciously harm another human
being in word or deed. He desires that we treat even those who choose to hate
us as respectfully as possible and do all within our power to live in peace and
harmony with them. He wants us to be builders, not destroyers, of good
relationships. To accomplish this we must respect this wonderful gift, this
precious possession—human life” (The Ten
Commandments, p.43-47).
[7]
“You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14).
“God intended that marriage
and sex—in that order—exist as tremendous blessings to humanity. Their
potential for good is boundless. But the same desires that bring a man and a
woman together into a loving, natural relationship—a godly blessing—can pose
risks.
“Unless the natural desires
that attract us to members of the opposite sex are channelled exclusively
toward a loving marriage relationship, the temptation to engage in sexual
immorality can easily overpower our self-control. This weakness is the focus of
the Seventh Commandment: ‘You shall not commit adultery’ (Exodus 20:14).
“Adultery is the violation
of the marriage covenant by wilful participation in sexual activity with
someone other than one’s spouse. Since God’s law sanctions sexual relationships
only within a legitimate marriage, the command not to commit adultery covers,
in principle, all varieties of sexual immorality. No sexual relationship of any
sort should occur outside of marriage. That is the message of this commandment…
“The psychological cost of
betrayal, rejection and abandonment is staggering. The spirit of millions is
submerged in anger, depression and bitterness because their trust in one whom
they loved—whether mate or parent—has been betrayed. Many of these people are
emotionally distorted for life. Some of them seek counselling, but others look
for vengeance. The problems go on and on. Who said no one gets hurt? Adultery
and promiscuity are tickets to social disaster. The real cost of sexual
immorality is astronomical…
“Contrary
to the opinions of most people, sexual fantasies are anything but harmless. Our
actions originate in our thoughts, in the desires that float through our minds (James 1:14-15). Daydreams of illicit
sexual encounters render us especially vulnerable to the real thing. Make no
mistake. Opportunities to sin will come. We need to heed Jesus’ warning that
adultery begins in the heart” (The Ten
Commandments, p.48-53).
“Sex outside marriage always
hurts somebody. Some people argue that it is all right to break God's law
against sexual sin if nobody gets hurt. In truth, somebody always gets hurt.
Spouses are devastated. Children are scarred. The partners themselves, even if
they escape disease and unwanted pregnancy, lose their ability to fulfil
commitments, to feel sexual desire, to trust, and to be entirely open with
another person. God's laws are not arbitrary. They do not forbid good, clean
fun; rather, they warn us against destroying ourself through unwise actions or
running ahead of God's time” (Handbook of Bible Application, p.578).
“Faithfulness in marriage in
its truest sense means therefore sexual fidelity and much more. It means the
faithful discharge of duties by husband and wife. It means dependability,
trustworthiness of character, strength in adversity, and loyalty…Faithfulness is
a communicable attribute of God. It is a mark of strength and character in a
man, whereas unfaithfulness in any realm is a mark of weakness and sin” (The
Institutes of Biblical Law, p.447).
[8]
“You shall not steal” (Exodus 20:15).
“The
Eighth Commandment safeguards everyone’s right to legitimately acquire and own
property. God wants that right honoured and protected…The spiritual intent of
the commandment against stealing tells us where the battle against selfishness
begins. It originates when we learn to appreciate the rights and needs of
others. God wants that right honoured and protected...
“To
Him it is important that generosity rather than greed motivate the choices we
make. Because they are qualities of His own character, He asks that we, from the
heart, put giving and serving ahead of lavishing possessions on ourselves…God
is willing to be our partner in serving others if we replace greed with a
devotion to serving. He looks at the measure of the intensity of our commitment
to that giving way of life.
“Paul gives us the
connection. ‘Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labour,
working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who
has need’ (Ephesians 4:28).
“A thief must go far beyond
simply ceasing his larceny to please God. Someone once wisely observed: ‘A
thief who has quit stealing may still be a thief at heart—a thief just
temporarily unemployed.’ He really ceases to be a thief only if and when he
replaces stealing with giving. A thief has to change his heart and outlook.
“Directly taking another’s
possessions is not the only way to steal. Con artists use sophisticated scams
to swindle their victims. Deceptive advertisements do the same. Manufacturers
who misleadingly advertise their products of substandard quality cheat their
customers. Labourers who bill for more hours than they work or charge more than
their services are worth are stealing from those who hire them.
“Then there are those who
‘borrow’ but never return. Aren’t they stealing? [We can also add computer,
music and video piracy – making illegal copies of games and programs, etc. that
we haven’t paid for.] There are so many ways to take what is not ours that we
must stay on our guard. We could be
breaking God’s commandment against stealing without realizing what we are
doing.
“Employees who do not work although paid to do so are stealing from their employers. People who delight in consuming what others produce while refusing to carry their share of the labour and responsibility or their part in the production of goods and services engage in still another form of stealing. They siphon away what others produce but make little or no contribution themselves. They take and give little in return. (The Ten Commandments, p.55-57).
[9]
“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour” (Exodus 20:16).
A
person’s honesty is often a good measuring gauge of a person’s morality. If a
person compromises with the truth he is far more likely to compromise with
other aspects of God’s law and be more likely to be selfish. A person who tells
the truth and sticks to it even when it might be inconvenient or bad for him to
do so is much less likely to be selfish. By sticking to the truth and keeping
his promises he is showing that he is willing to put the needs of others before
his own needs. Psalm 15:4
talks about someone “who swears to his own hurt and does not change”.
If
he remains committed to speaking the truth at all times, even at his own hurt,
then he will consciously avoid doing wrong things to avoid being tempted to lie
if he is found out doing the wrong thing. His commitment to honesty motivates
him to avoid wrong actions so he can avoid the pain of confessing such wrong
actions in his life.
“The godly man's communication
is ‘yes, yes,’ and ‘no, no’; it is honest and forthright (Matthew 5:37).
The godly man swears or testifies honestly to his own hurt, and he does not
change his witness to suit his interests (Psalm
15:4). Being under God, the godly man's word is in a sense
always under oath” (The Institutes of Biblical Law, p.114).
We
need to be responsible people. When we say yes we should mean yes and follow
through on what we have said, such as doing something we have said we will do.
Some people say yes to social invitations and then go somewhere else when a
better offer comes along. We need to be people of our word and follow through
on what we have said we’ll do even if it is inconvenient to us. It’s perfectly
acceptable to seek a release on what we have said we’ll do if the person is willing
but we should do what we’ve said we’ll do if the other person wants us to
follow through on it.
“Basic
to all lying is the unwillingness to accept responsibility. Satan is called
the father of lies by our Lord (John
8:44), and Adam and Eve, after accepting Satan's principle,
immediately lied about their guilt (Genesis
3:9-13). Where men are evading
their responsibility, they are liars” (The Institutes of Biblical Law, p.589).
“Many people are habitual
liars! Embellishing stories, exaggerations, minimisations, colourful additions
which didn't really take place, are the ‘salt and pepper’ that flavour their
conversation! Many people are such habitual liars they do so unconsciously.
Lying—‘stretching the truth,’ or telling what people refer to as ‘little white
lies’—is such a part of their very character they are oblivious to the fact
they are doing it!” (CGI booklet, The Ten Commandments, p.78).
Exaggerations are one form
of subtle lying. We have to be careful of expressions such as “You ALWAYS do
this” or “You NEVER do that” when it is more accurate to say “You often do
this” or “Sometimes you do that”. When we are upset with someone over something
they have or haven’t done we should check our statements for accuracy as to how
often they do or don’t do something.
“Temptations to lie never
cease. They are always present. Lying is such a quick and effortless way to
gain an advantage over others. It appears to offer easy and swift escape from
embarrassment, fear and guilt. But the Bible says, ‘Lying lips are an
abomination to the Lord, but
those who deal truthfully are His delight’ (Proverbs
12:22)” (The Ten Commandments, p.62).
We are to speak the truth
and believe and live by the truth. Where would we be if God did not tell the
truth? How could we trust Him? If we lie how can other people trust us? We are
to not to hurt other people with lies (Titus 3:2)
but we should build up others as much as we can without stretching the truth.
The consequences of lying
can be quite terrible at times. Once one lie is told other lies often “need” to
be told to cover one’s tracks which only compounds the problem and makes
matters worse, a theme often seen on many sitcoms. Speaking the truth frees us
from those kinds of problems. “You
shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32). Honesty really is the best
policy.
[10] “You shall not covet… anything that is your neighbour’s” (Exodus 20:17).
“It is fitting that the
formal listing of these 10 foundational commands, which define the love of God,
should end by focusing on our hearts as the wellspring of our relationship
problems. From within come the desires that tempt us and lead us astray.
“Covet means to crave or
desire, especially in excessive or improper ways. The Tenth Commandment does
not tell us that all of our desires are immoral. It tells us that some desires
are wrong.
“Coveting
is an immoral longing for something that is not rightfully ours. That is
usually because the object of our desire already belongs to someone else. But
coveting can also include our wanting far more than we would legitimately
deserve or that would be our rightful share. The focus of the Tenth Commandment
is that we are not to illicitly desire anything that already belongs to others”
(The Ten Commandments, p.65-66).
On the subject of gambling
John Ogwyn makes these comments: “We are covetous if we try to acquire what
belongs to another without paying a fair price. If everyone obeyed the Tenth
Commandment, gambling could not remain a viable industry, as one of its major
appeals would vanish” (Tomorrow’s World, July-August 2001, p.17).
“The opposite of coveting is
a positive desire to help others preserve and protect their blessings from God.
We should rejoice when other people are blessed. Our desire should be to contribute
to the well-being of others, to make our presence in their lives a blessing to
them” (The Ten Commandments, p.65-66).
In John 13:34 Jesus said, “A new commandment I give
to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one
another”.
“Did Jesus replace the clear
definitions of the Ten Commandments with a new religious principle: that love
alone can guide our lives? Does this new commandment supersede the Ten Commandments
and replace all other biblical laws? Jesus clearly answered this fundamental
question when He said: ‘Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the
Prophets’ (Matthew
5:17)…What, then, was new in Christ’s ‘new commandment’? Notice
His wording. He said we are to ‘love one another; as I have loved you ...’
“What was new was His own
example of love! The whole world has, in Jesus, a perfect model of the love of
God in Christ’s perfect example of loving obedience. Christ loved us so much
that He sacrificed His own life for us. He Himself explained: ‘Greater love has
no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends’ (John 15:13).
“Jesus came as the light of
the world to illuminate the application and practice of the royal law of love.
We no longer have an excuse for saying we don’t understand what to do or how to
do it. Jesus demonstrated what loving obedience is all about: ‘If you keep My
commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s
commandments and abide in His love’ (John 15:10).
We comply with Jesus’ new commandment when we obey every commandment of God in
a genuinely loving manner and are willing to risk our lives for the sake of
others” (The Ten Commandments, p.78).
When you think about the
example of Jesus Christ in how He loved others, He really has raised the bar
quite considerably by asking us to love others as He did. The incredible way in
which He raised the standard by His example is what is so incredible and “new”
about this command to love others.
3] What are the Statutes and Judgments?
After God gave Israel the
Ten Commandments He gave them secondary laws which gave them further details on
how to live in a godly way. God’s laws give us an understanding of the mind of
God and the statutes and judgments that He gave to Israel show us the mind of
God in action as it applies to many specific situations. In this section we
will look at some highlights of the various statutes and judgments that God
that gave to Israel and look at which ones apply today and what practical
principles we can draw from them today. Before we do we will look at what the
difference is between the statutes and the judgments of God.
What’s the difference between the
statutes and the judgments?
Statutes are
secondary laws that made by lawmakers. Judgments, on the other hand, refer to
judicial decisions made by a judge such as God. Those judgments are made based
upon the principles of already existing laws to come up with a decision as to
how best to apply those principles where there is no specific law to cover what
is being judged upon.
Now, how do we go
about determining whether a law in the Old Testament is a statute or a
judgment? Well, first of all, we need to understand why the particular law was
made.
For our first example let’s look at Deuteronomy 22:8 where we read: “When you build a new
house, then you shall make a parapet [balustrade] for your roof, that you may
not bring guilt of bloodshed on your household if anyone falls from it.”
Why was this law given? Well, in ancient
times people had flat roofs and people used to spend a fair bit of time on the
top of their roofs for various reasons and so there was the danger of people
falling off a roof. This was a basic safety law like
so many of the safety laws that governments pass.
The next question we have to
ask is whether that law can be applied for all cultures at all time. Well,
today few people have flat roofs and putting a railing or balustrade on some of
our steep roofs might pose more of a problem than not having one. The principle
here is to preserve the health and safety of those who might venture onto the
roof. As the principle cannot be applied to all roofs this is a judgment made
by God based upon the principle of protecting the health and safety of those
who might venture onto a roof.
In
Jeremiah 7:22 we read that God didn’t originally give Israel the laws dealing with
the sacrifices and offerings when they came out of Egypt. They’re not found in
the book of Exodus but in the later books written after the time they sinned by
worshipping the golden calf. The sacrifices and offerings were but types of the
greater sacrifice of Christ to come. They taught Israel of the need for
Christ’s sacrifice to come later on and, are no longer required because of
Christ’s sacrifice. They were judgments made by God, because of their sins at
Mt Sinai, to help impress on a carnal, rebellious people the need for a greater
sacrifice to come. Now that we’ve looked at judgments let’s look at a couple of
examples of statutes.
A good example of a statute
are the holy days. While many think that Christ’s sacrifice does away with the
need to keep these “Jewish” holy days they are ignorant of the fact that the
holy days teach us a lot about the great plan of God to harvest all souls and
save all mankind. By keeping the holy days we learn so much about God’s plan.
This principle behind these holy day laws can be applied for all people, for
all time and are thus statutes.
We read of Egypt having to
keep the Feast of Tabernacles in the World Tomorrow in Zechariah 14:16-19. In Leviticus 23:31 we read the following about the Day of
Atonement: “You
shall do no manner of work; it shall be a statute
forever throughout your generations in all your dwellings.” We can see from this verse that the holy
days are statutes.
The dietary laws can also be applied for all people, for all time. Most of the animals that are unclean in Leviticus 11 were designed by God to be scavengers and are not fit for human consumption. Christ’s sacrifice does nothing to change that basic fact of God’s creation. Thus, the dietary laws are statutes, as opposed to judgments.
“God did not bother to tell
the Israelites that eating fat would clog their arteries. They would have
asked, ‘Lord, what is an artery?’ He simply told them not to eat it and warned
of discipline if they did [Leviticus
7:22-26]. It is not dissimilar to some parental warnings to
children – ‘Because I told you so,’ comes to mind.
“This law serves as a good
illustration of the idea behind law in general. Many people tacitly accept an
‘arbitrary God' theory - that is to say that God arbitrarily made this act
wrong and that act right. They assume that an act is not intrinsically wrong,
but is wrong merely because ‘God said so’. This theory allows that God could
just as easily have said, 'Thou shalt commit adultery,’ and we all could have
had a lot more fun.
“But what if it is the other
way around? What if the reason God said an act is wrong is because it really is
wrong? It is wrong because it hurts someone. It is wrong to eat fat, not
because it shortens God's life, but because it shortens yours” (CEM BCC, Lesson
5, p.3).
“The difference between
right and wrong is not always so easy to see. Life is complex, and the
variations in life situations are endless. A law that could tell us what to do
at every turn in the road would fill all the libraries in the world. Instead,
what we have are basic laws, necessary statutes, and a selection of explanatory
judgments. These are given to be a lamp to our feet and a light to our path [Psalm 119:105]” (CEM BCC, Lesson 6, p.8).
Government
God’s
laws on government
are designed to protect the people from having unfit men gain positions of
power and limit the burden put on the people by those in authority. They are
also designed to help leaders best serve the people. The purpose of government
is to serve the people in those services which a nation collectively needs to
function properly, from national defence, providing for those who are less
fortunate, to providing good roads, utilities and other services which are for
the collective benefit of all.
The qualities that God wants to see in those who
lead His people, whether they are ministers in the church or leaders of civil
government, are outlined in Exodus 18:21
where we read: “You shall select from all the people able men, such as fear
God, men of truth, hating covetousness; and place such over them to
be rulers of thousands, rulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, and
rulers of tens.”
They must have four important qualities. They
have to be able men – men with the ability and talents to do the job. They
can’t be just good, moral people. They also have to have the talent to do the
job. The people of a whole nation and those in the church
suffer when a leader hasn’t got the experience and ability to do the job
properly. The second trait in this list is the fear of God. Intelligence and
ability must be tempered with a respect for God and a willingness to do things
God’s way and not his own way, even when pressured by others to go contrary to
God’s way.
The
third quality in the list is being “men of truth”. “The leader who is dishonest
to others or himself, who bends truth and manipulates information to protect
himself or delude others, ultimately proves to be untrustworthy and a liar.
When such leaders gain prominence and national office, they do great damage to
respect for government, undermine authority and weaken the standards and
morality of a nation’s citizens” (Good News, Sept-Oct 2000, p.30).
The
last of the four qualities is to hate covetousness. “Leaders are to hate covetousness—the desire to take
what does not belong to us or hold onto what is not ours. Power and authority
intoxicate leaders. Jesus tells His followers they must counteract this
corrupting tendency by focusing on serving
others, just as He did (Matthew 20:25-28),
rather than trying to gain power, authority and wealth for themselves.
“Godly
leadership puts humility, concern for equity and justice under the law ahead of
the personal power and interests of the leader. These principles ensure that
public offices are occupied by public servants
who are purely motivated to do the hard work of public service. Such
leaders are not jealous or competitive for their positions. More than ever the
world needs true leadership” (Good News, Sept-Oct 2000, p.30-31). Whenever we are given a position of authority
over other people on the job or in the church we should think about these
qualities of true servant leadership.
God said to the Israelites that if in future they
chose to have a king that he must, not just read, but also write a copy of
the first five books of the Bible which contain all the laws, statutes and
judgments in them. This was to help him to better understand God’s laws and
be more willing to live and rule the nation by them in a godly way (Deuteronomy 17:18-19).
The people also were to have the books which contained the laws of God read
to them once every seven years by the priests (Deuteronomy
30:10-13). We are to show respect to the office of our leaders.
God tells us to speak truthfully, and if possible,
positively about our leaders (Exodus. 22:28, 2
Peter 2:17).
God set limits on the power of any
future king that the people of Israel might later ask for (Deuteronomy 17:14-17).
He was not to be a foreigner. He could not multiply horses which were used
by armies to attack other nations. The military was to be for defence, not
conquest. He was not to multiply wives (a mistake that both David and Solomon
made) and he was not multiply silver and gold for himself. So many dictators
and rulers have taken whatever wealth they can for themselves when in power.
God was originally the king
in Israel. They had no physical king before the people asked for one but had
judges who administered the laws of God in Israel. Israel was a theocracy in
that it was God’s nation and He was the head of state.
In the constitutional
monarchies of Britain and Europe the king or queen is the head of state. The
king or queen exercises little direct control over the affairs of state but is
the highest person in authority in the land with tremendous reserve powers if
needed as a check and balance. The prime minister is the next in authority
exercising the majority of direct rulership in the land though under the king
or queen in authority. In ancient Israel God was the king, though exercising
little direct control. The judges (who included Moses and Joshua) served like
prime ministers exercising the majority of the direct rulership of the land as
well as being the chief justice of the land.
In 1 Samuel 8 we read the story of how the people
were happy to serve under Samuel but they saw that he was getting old and his
sons were disobedient and so the elders all got together with Saul and demanded
of him that they have a king like the rest of the nations around them. During
the time of the Judges whenever Israel obeyed God, God blessed them and when
they forgot God they had war and invasion from their enemies. This cycle
repeated itself over and over again until the Israelites had enough of it and
wanted a different solution.
In effect, they said, “Our
government system is not strong enough. It isn’t centralized sufficiently to
the point to where there is someone who has the power to pull together an army,
to conscript soldiers, to defend us against our enemies who keep invading us
from every side. We need a strong central authority. We want a king!” They
would give up much of their freedom to have one.
They didn’t realize that the
answer lies not in giving up some of their freedom which Israel did when they
asked for a king but in the heart of man, of changing their ways and living by
God’s laws and having those laws being enforced in a godly way by those
appointed by God. Instead of collectively changing our ways and turning back to
God as a people we start looking for a system, a method, for a governmental solution
to our problems. This, in part, is why some church organizations and members
put overemphasis on the need for a particular kind of church government
structure.
God’s requirements of
Israel, the burden He laid on them was light – a tithe with no IRS to demand it
from them. In contrast He told them that a human king would conscript property,
your sons and daughters, animals and another tithe on top of God’s tithe. You
will become servants of your government rather than the government truly
serving you.
Internationalism and
globalism are about creating a new world order not based on power but based on
interdependence through global banking, economics and international treaties.
The purpose of this left-wing, one world philosophy is to create an international
community that will somehow bring peace to the world and all the world’s
problems. The left wing internationalism dream will fail and when that happens
it will open the door for the right wing authoritarian system the Bible
prophecies speak about that will rule in the end-time known as the Beast.
The roots of this coming international crisis go all the way back to when our forefathers rejected God as their king and asked for a human king and we have tried for hundreds and thousands of years to make it work and ultimately it will backfire on us. In the end we will need God to restore His kingdom and to restore peace and His original government on this earth.
Tithing
God Himself does not tax the
land which He gave to Israel as a free gift. God is our Creator and everything
belongs to Him including the land (Psalm
24:1). God owns the land, not the government, and in God’s
system all Israelites were to have an inheritance which was freely given to
them by God (Numbers 26:52-56).
He does not tax the land but only taxes our increase (Deuteronomy
14:22). "All the tithe of the land, whether of the seed
of the land or the fruit of the tree, is the Lord's. It is holy to the Lord"
(Leviticus 27:30).
The tithe is an income tax which is set at ten percent and no more. Beyond
that, what a man gives is a freewill offering; which God requires us to give
from time to time as we are able to, such as on Holy Days (Deuteronomy
16:16-17, Malachi 3:8-10).
The Levites, who were the civil servants of the land (like those who work for the government today), (Numbers 18:23) received the tithe. God gave them the tithe to live off since they did not have an inheritance but were scattered throughout the land allocated to the other tribes. The priests and Levites were not given a land inheritance and were prevented from acquiring one as a check and balance. God knew there would be too much temptation for these human leaders to use their power and influence to amass empires for themselves.
The tithe went to the priests and Levites
as they met the necessary ecclesiastical and social functions of society.
The priesthood, who were only those Levites descended from the House of Aaron,
received a tenth of the tithe (Numbers
18:26-28).
Some may argue from that
passage that the New Testament church is only entitled to a tenth of a tithe or
1% of our income. This argument is erroneous in two ways. Firstly, Paul says in
Hebrews 7 that the church was to receive
the tithes that the Levites formerly received, not the tenth of the tithe which
the Levitical priesthood received. Secondly, the church in our day would hardly
function with such a limited income. A tenth of a tithe was sufficient for the
Levitical priesthood because the whole nation, when obedient, tithed.
In our day, the church
membership is far smaller than that of the nation of ancient Israel and so it
is only fitting that a tithe of the membership of the church goes to support
the church’s collective gospel efforts and feeding the flock.
“The only other tax God required
was the poll tax (Exodus
30:11-16)…The meaning of atonement here is a covering or protection;
by means of this tax, the people of Israel placed themselves under God as
their King, paying tribute to Him, and gained in return God's protecting care…The
amount of this tax was the same for all men, half a shekel of silver, and
it had to be paid by all men twenty years of age and over…This head tax is
specified as equal for all. ‘The rich shall not give more, and the poor shall
not give less’ (Exodus 30:11)”
(The Institutes of Biblical Law, p.281-282).
“Three
principles must govern equitable taxation: 1) Taxes must bear a definite relation
to the income of the people and this relation must never be disturbed. And
2) In order to conform with this first principle, taxes must be levied against
income only; leaving all property, both real and personal, free from tax levies
and thus not subject to confiscation. 3) The government must live within its
income as a matter of sound business policy and remove forever the right to
alter the tax principle. Under such conditions, government income is increased
only by increasing the income of the people” (Digest of the Divine Law,
p.94).
Some taxes that go against
these principles of taxation include land tax and property tax as well as Goods
and Services tax (GST) which is a tax on spending, not income. Progressive
taxation, where income earners pay tax at a higher rate the more that they
earn, also goes against these principles.
We pay taxes to the
government to provide collective services that all citizens need such as roads,
town water, sewerage, hospitals, defence, police, etc., that we all benefit
from. Governments today provide a multitude of services that were not around or
a lot less needed in the days of ancient Israel. This is why a tithe was more
than sufficient in ancient Israel and why we pay such high taxes. With so many
services and so many people working for the government money is required to
cover those costs. In the World Tomorrow there will no longer be the need for
hospitals, police and a defence force and so a tithe will again be more than
adequate to cover the costs of all the millennial government’s services.
The second tithe mentioned
in the scriptures is the tithe that is to be saved up by the people to spend
for themselves during the Holy Days and primarily for the Feast of Tabernacles.
We read of this tithe in Deuteronomy 14:22-27: “You shall truly
tithe all the increase of your grain that the field produces year by year. And
you shall eat before the Lord
your God, in the place where He chooses to make His name abide, the tithe of
your grain and your new wine and your oil, of the firstborn of your herds and
your flocks, that you may learn to fear the Lord
your God always.
“But if the journey is too long for you, so that
you are not able to carry the tithe, or if the place where
the Lord your God chooses to put
His name is too far from you, when the Lord
your God has blessed you, then you shall exchange it for money, take the
money in your hand, and go to the place which the Lord your God chooses. And you shall spend that money for
whatever your heart desires: for oxen or sheep, for wine or similar drink, for
whatever your heart desires; you shall eat there before the Lord your God, and you shall rejoice,
you and your household. You shall not forsake the Levite who is within
your gates, for he has no part nor inheritance with you.”
This
tithe was not given to the priests. It was another tithe that they spent
themselves in order to properly observe and enjoy the Holy Days, such as the
Feast of Tabernacles where we travel to various feast sites near and far.
Notice that it says that we are not to forsake the Levite and, by extension,
those who are poor. This is why we are to save a full ten percent and not just
what we need for ourselves if it is less. We are to be generous with what we
have at the Feast.
Welfare
God’s
welfare system consists of two parts. The first is gleaning. This was the major
way to provide for those who were poor. The poor who were able to work, worked
the land and gleaned the crops and fruit of the harvest that was missed by
farmers.
The
second part of the system was the third tithe which people saved the third
and sixth years out of every seven year cycle (Deuteronomy
14:28-29). This was given to the poor with special preference
given to those who could not glean because of old age or disability.
In Leviticus 19:9-10
we read: “When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not wholly reap the
corners of your field, nor shall you gather the gleanings of your harvest. And
you shall not glean your vineyard, nor shall you gather every grape of
your vineyard; you shall leave them for the poor and the stranger: I am
the Lord your God.”
The poor worked for their
sustenance by gleaning the harvest fields of Israel after the harvesters had
been through. What the harvesters missed was for the poor. Supplemental to the
food provided by gleaning was the third tithe which the Levites would receive
from the people every third and sixth year per seven year cycles. The Levites
would have distributed that third tithe income to those in their communities in
most need.
The primary means of welfare
was in the hands of those who needed it to go to the fields to work for it. If
that were to happen in our lands in this day much of the administrative work
for welfare would be lifted from the government and would relieve much of the
need for tax revenue to pay out welfare.
In the UCG booklet “What Does the Bible Say About Tithing?” we read
the following about the administration of third tithe today: "The Council
of Elders has resolved that where governments provide programs, the intent and
purpose of which is to provide for the needs of those that the biblical third
tithe was designed to assist, and that where such programs are funded by an annual
rate of taxation greater than the biblical third tithe, members are not
obligated to pay what amounts to an additional third tithe to the Church.
“The Council of Elders
further resolves that since there will always be members of the Church whose needs
will not be adequately provided for by national government social programs, and
since the clear example in Scripture is that the Church care for its members in
need (Leviticus 19:9-10; Isaiah 58:7; Matthew
25:35-40; Galatians 2:9-10), that those members of the Church who
are able are encouraged to contribute to the Church Assistance Fund so that the
biblical injunction to care for the needy within the Church can be
fulfilled" (p.12).
Military laws
Another major function of
the government today is to provide for the defence of the nation against any
possible attacks by other nations. God never intended for Israel to be a waring
people. It was unnecessary for Israel to arm themselves and wage war. God
promised to fight their battles for them as He did at the crossing of the Red
Sea.
In his booklet “Military
Service and War” Herbert W. Armstrong writes: “Amalek, a Gentile king, came
against the Israelites in great strength with an invading army…Moses, at the
end of his patience trying to induce these stubborn, rebellious people to
believe in and trust God, said to Joshua, ‘Choose us out men, and go out, fight
alek’ (Exodus 17:9). Lacking the
faith to trust God for their protection, Moses feared they would be
slaughtered. Although Moses weakened and gave the order for war, it was the
people themselves who actually made the decision for war, by their utter lack
of reliance on God…
“Even though God allows humans
to make their own decisions—allows them to sin—allows nations to go to war—nevertheless
God's purpose must stand! His purpose was to settle these descendants of Abraham
in the land he had promised Abraham—the Promised Land…It was God's responsibility
to place these people in the Promised Land, driving out the inhabitants. It
was Israel's responsibility to decide how this would be done—whether to rely
on God to do the fighting, driving out the illegal inhabitants, or to arm
themselves, fight, and engage in war…These Israelites did not need to fight!
So it was because of Israel's faithlessness and disobedience [Exodus.
17, Deuteronomy 1] that God allowed
them to sin by taking up arms. And therefore God used them as His instruments
in driving out the nations illegally in their land” (p.29-33).
Rather than obeying God and
letting Him fight their enemies for them they later demanded a king in the
time of Samuel who could pull together a permanent, standing army that could
repel their enemies. God allowed this situation even though He would have
fought their enemies for them if they later chose to repent and trust Him
to fight those enemies. We have three instances where kings of Judah did so
in Asa (2 Chronicles 14:9-13),
Jehoshaphat (2 Chronicles 20:1-30)
and Hezekiah (2 Kings 19:14-37).
Saul and David gave the people what they wanted – they fought the enemies
of the nations with the permanent armies they had drafted and God blessed
their efforts in freeing Israel from their enemies and expanding the Israelite
empire from the Euphrates to the Nile, even though a permanent army was never
God’s intention for Israel.
“Since Israel exercised
their God-allowed prerogative of making the wrong decision for war, it is true
that God gave them special laws relating to war. They are found in Deuteronomy 20. But notice! They are not laws of
military strategy! They did not teach Israelites to hate, want to kill, or
become skilled in the arts and strategy of warfare or military tactics…
“This law provides exemptions
from military service. If a man has built a new house, and not dedicated it—planted
a vineyard and not yet enjoyed its fruits—become betrothed, and not yet taken
his wife to him—all such shall be sent home [Deuteronomy 20:5-7].
If any man is faint-hearted and terrified, he is to return home, lest his
presence cause others to lose heart also [Deuteronomy
20:8]. Finally, when Israel's army draws close to the enemy,
they were to offer peace before fighting, and fight only if the enemy rejects
peace [Deuteronomy.
20:10-12]. Quite different
from the laws and rules of warfare used by any nation today!” (Military Service
and War, p.34-36).
Rousas John Rushdoony in his
excellent book “The Institutes of Biblical Law” makes these comments: “From
these exemptions, a general principle appears: the family has a priority over
warfare. The young bridegroom cannot serve; the new home must come first. The
new farmer similarly gains exemption. Important as defence is, the continuity
of life and godly reconstruction are more important…
“Deuteronomy
20:19
[reads]…’for is the tree of the field man, that it should be besieged of thee?’
(KJV). In other words, war is not to be waged against the earth, but against
men. But, even more centrally, life must go on, and the fruit tree and the
vineyard represent at all times an inheritance from the past and a heritage for
the future: they are not to be destroyed” (p.278, 280). Violations of this principle
include the Romans’ slash and burn policy where they would destroy what they
could not conquer and General Sherman’s path of destruction through the South
in the Civil War in order to destroy the fields and properties that provided
supplies to the South.
The principles behind God allowing exemptions for
military service in ancient Israel and the fact that God never wanted them
to be a waring people in the first place supports the right of conscientious
objection by someone drafted into the military. Not only that, God forbids
the taking of life by a christian. Only God has the right to take a life,
along with those directly delegated by Him to do so (Numbers
35:27), as in the case of capital punishment.
Jesus said to Pilate: “My kingdom is not of this
world. If My kingdom were of this world, My servants would fight, so that
I should not be delivered to the Jews; but now My kingdom is not from here”
(John 18:36).
Those in the church are citizens of God’s kingdom to come (Philippians 3:20).
We are not to physically, with force of arms, fight to make this a better
world.
An important principle that we can draw from Christ’s
comments in John
18:36 is that those of us in the church that believe in God's kingdom do not have a duty
to make this a better world. This society is not God's. God's command to us
is "Come out of her (this world's religious and political system) my
people lest you share in her sins and receive of her plagues" (Revelation 18:4). This
principle covers both military service and voting.
Those
of us who have been baptized are now "ambassadors for Christ" (2 Corinthians 5:20)
- ambassadors of the coming Kingdom of God. We are in this world's kingdoms
but we are not of them. The American ambassador to China is not a communist.
He does not regard China as his government because it is mortally opposed
to his government. The American ambassador is not able to enter the Chinese
electoral process even though he is subject to and must abide by Chinese laws
and rules. The same applies for us in this world.
As
ambassadors of God’s kingdom we cannot be citizens of this world who act as
officers of the state executing even just vengeance or justice as soldiers,
police officers, judges or politicians. There are areas where a godly citizen
can and should exert good influence but it is NOT in the area of electing most,
if not all, of the unjust or worldly candidates from which we have to choose.
Crime and
justice
In
his book “Digest of Divine Law” Howard Rand makes the comments about God’s
system of justice and dealing with crime:
“We
spend enormous sums maintaining prisons, but under the Israel laws the
following methods were used in punishment:
1)
The death penalty for capital offences [Genesis
9:5-6, Exodus 21:12-14].
2)
Whipping from one to forty stripes for minor offences [Deuteronomy 25:1-3].
3)
In case of stealing and destruction of another man’s property, restitution:
to which must be added from one hundred to four hundred per cent as punishment
[Exodus 22:1-4].
4)
Those who were financially unable to make restitution or pay the fine, were
compelled to contribute their work and labour until the debt had been fully
paid [Exodus. 22:1-3].
5)
Confinement in a city of refuge for accidental killing [Numbers 35:22-28].
”The death penalty was mandatory
for murder [Genesis
9:5-6, Exodus 21:12-14],
kidnapping [Exodus.
21:16], adultery [Leviticus 20:10-21],
certain other immoral acts [like homosexuality and bestiality (Leviticus
20:13-16)], blaspheming God [Leviticus
24:11-16, 23], desecration
of the Sabbath [Exodus
35:2], idolatry [Exodus
22:20], and for the leader that undertook to turn the people
from following the Lord [Deuteronomy 13:1-10]
and also for the stubborn and rebellious son [Deuteronomy
21:18-21]…Physical whipping was the punishment for all other
offences not subject to the death penalty [Deuteronomy
25:1-3].
”Israel was to be free of jails,
prisons and all their attendant problems and shortcomings. Emphasis was upon
deterring crime. The principle was simple: State the law; state the punishment;
then swiftly and consistently punish any lawbreakers. The rest of the people—any
who would be tempted to do wrong—would "hear and fear" (Deuteronomy
13:11; 17:13; 19:20,
[Ecclesiastes 8:11])” (Don’t Be A Crime Victim, p.28).
Judges were to be appointed throughout the land
according to God’s instructions in Deuteronomy
16:18-19: “You shall appoint judges and officers in all your gates,
which the Lord your God gives
you, according to your tribes, and they shall judge the people with just
judgment. You shall not pervert justice; you shall not show partiality, nor
take a bribe, for a bribe blinds the eyes of the wise and twists the words of
the righteous.”
In Leviticus 19:15 the judges are
told: “You
shall do no injustice in judgment. You shall not be partial to the poor, nor
honor the person of the mighty. In righteousness you shall judge your
neighbor.” Both the rich and the poor are to be treated alike.
“What about the punishment
of those adjudged guilty of minor offences for which, today, we impose a fine;
or imprisonment when they are unable to pay the fine? This is not equitable
and just, for the rich escape jail by means of wealth—while the poor man suffers
confinement because of the inability to purchase freedom…Where punishment
was necessary the rich would suffer as much humiliation as the poor and the
possession or lack of money would have no bearing as to the type of punishment
inflicted. The judge would render a judgment from one to forty stripes according
as he deemed necessary in the case (Deuteronomy
25:1-3). Thus the law would administer justice to all regardless
of wealth, position, or power” (Digest of the Divine Law, 140-141).
Another situation where
today’s justice system is partial towards the rich is how those who are rich
can bring in a team of skilled lawyers who can get those who are rich off from
punishment through loopholes in the law and blocking all the facts from being
used in rendering a judgment.
“Under modern criminal
procedure a man, though innocent, can be convicted and, though guilty, be set
free. The prosecution is determined to convict regardless of guilt and the
defence to free regardless of whether the defendant be innocent or not. It is a
test of skill between the two; with the defendant the victim, and justice a
secondary issue…Rendering of true justice under the law of the Lord was the
immediate purpose of every trial. With this end in view the judges examined the
witnesses without the hindrances imposed in modern procedure when attorneys
often fight to prevent the whole truth from being told. Thus, under the law,
the procedure was such that it contributed to the maximum efficiency in the
rendering of justice” (Digest of the Divine Law, p.138).
The judges of Israel also
made judgments on issues not specifically mentioned by God in the law. This is
spoken of in Deuteronomy 17:8-10: “If a matter arises which is too hard for you to
judge, between degrees of guilt for bloodshed, between one judgment or another,
or between one punishment or another, matters of controversy within your gates,
then you shall arise and go up to the place which the Lord your God chooses. And you shall come to the priests, the
Levites, and to the judge there in those days, and inquire of them;
they shall pronounce upon you the sentence of judgment. You shall do according
to the sentence which they pronounce upon you in that place which the Lord chooses. And you shall be careful
to do according to all that they order you.”
They didn’t have to go to
the judges if they felt that they could work out their problem. But if they
felt the problem was too hard to work out they had the option to bring it to
the judges and they would make a judgment based upon determining why the laws
were made and applying those principles to the matter brought before them. This
law is the basis of the church’s binding and loosing power that Christ gave to
it in Matthew 18:18. As long as the
judgments don’t directly violate the laws and the word of God, the church has
the power of judgment in matters that affect the church as a whole. Neither church nor state can bind or loose if it does not adhere to the
law of God as the sole source of binding and loosing.
Many
misunderstandings have arisen about the subject of vengeance. While we are on
the subject of crime and justice let’s clear up a few of them. First of all,
let’s define a few terms. Firstly, vengeance is the
infliction of injury or harm in return for harm or offence. Retribution is the
payment of reward or punishment for deeds done while justice means the
administration of deserved punishment or reward.
Is
vengeance bad, by and of itself? In Romans
12:19
we read: “Beloved, do not avenge
yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance
is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” If God executes vengeance on
our behalf then how can it be wrong? In another verse we read: “But if our
unrighteousness demonstrates the righteousness of God, what shall we say?
Is God unjust who inflicts wrath? (I speak as a man.) Certainly not!
For then how will God judge the world?” (Romans
3:5-6). If God is going to fix this world up in the World
Tomorrow He will need to right wrongs and execute vengeance against evil men.
We see here in the New Testament a command to
not execute personal, private vengeance. Did something change between the Old
Testament and the New Testament or has the idea of personal, private vengeance
always been wrong? In Leviticus 19:17-18
we read: “You shall not hate
your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear
sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against
the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am
the Lord.” The idea of not taking
personal, private vengeance and loving one’s neighbour are both Old Testament
commands, not just New Testament ideas.
Why
is vengeance necessary anyway? We read the simple answer to that question in Ecclesiastes 8:11: “Because the sentence against an evil work is not
executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them
to do evil.” Unless you stop criminals and evil men and execute
justice and vengeance they will continue to do evil things. If America did not
act on what happened in New York and Washington D.C. on September 11, 2001 does
anyone think that the murders and terrorism would stop?
Does
loving one’s neighbour exclude any idea of vengeance? Justice means putting
things right that have been made wrong? It means balancing the scales. Without
vengeance and justice being exacted by those in authority, mercy and
forgiveness mean nothing. Loving one’s neighbour includes justice which
requires vengeance at times.
Another
misunderstanding about vengeance is that human hands must never be involved
with vengeance. In Deuteronomy
17:5-7 we read that the those involved in the court trial of
a murderer were to execute God’s vengeance on behalf of Him by stoning someone
convicted of murder. God didn’t simply send a thunderbolt down to kill the
murderer. This has been God’s way from the beginning. Shortly after the Flood
God told Noah: “Surely for your lifeblood I will demand a
reckoning; from the hand of every beast I will require it, and from
the hand of man. From the hand of every man’s brother I will require the life
of man. Whoever sheds man’s blood, by man his blood shall be shed; for in
the image of God He made man” (Genesis
9:5-6).
The
last misunderstanding we’ll look at is that the prohibition against vengeance
applies to the civil government. In Romans 12:17 to
13:5 we read:
“Repay no one evil for evil…If it is possible,
as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge
yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written,
‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord. Therefore if your
enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a drink for in so doing
you will heap coals of fire on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but
overcome evil with good.
“Let every soul be subject to the governing
authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities
that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority
resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on
themselves. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want
to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from
the same. For he is God’s minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be
afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God’s minister, an
avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil. Therefore you
must be subject, not only because of wrath but also for conscience’ sake.
We
are not to execute personal vengeance. God has given civil governments
legitimate authority to be bearers of God’s vengeance. There is due process
which must be followed by the state to execute vengeance on our behalf. Just
because we can’t exact personal vengeance that doesn’t mean an officer of the
state, a judge or policeman or military officer can’t exact official vengeance
on behalf of the state for us.
God
has given governments of earth the authority to punish those who break those
laws of man which don’t conflict with God’s laws. We are to be subject to the
laws of land which don’t directly conflict with God’s law. He doesn’t approve
of us taking the law into our own hands to execute vengeance on those who would
wrong us. There are authorities such as the police and the court system to
execute that justice when needed. If we have no luck we can always appeal to
the higher court of God’s justice in heaven and leave it in His hands.
We
started off this section by looking at the major punishments for various crimes
in God’s system of justice. Let’s look at a few more specific details. The
punishment for manslaughter or accidental killing was confinement in a city of refuge. Rushdoony makes these
comments about this law:
“Contrary
to popular belief the Bible does not hold life cheaply. It is a serious thing
to take life, and for the taking of life the murderer forfeits his life. But those who accidentally
cause the death of another are confined in a city of refuge until the death of
the High Priest. In some cases this might amount to life imprisonment. Such a
law certainly produced respect for life and made a man careful of the life of
his fellow man. This law in operation today would reduce automobile accidents
to almost nothing. A driver of a car would be as careful of the life of
another's husband, wife, daughter and son as he would be of his own loved ones,
for none would want to forfeit his freedom” (The Institutes of Biblical Law,
p.228).
In Deuteronomy 17:5-7
we read the following regarding the need for multiple witnesses for any crime
that warranted the death penalty: “You
shall bring out to your gates that man or woman who has committed that wicked
thing, and shall stone to death that man or woman with stones. Whoever is
deserving of death shall be put to death on the testimony of two or three
witnesses; he shall not be put to death on the testimony of one witness. The
hands of the witnesses shall be the first against him to put him to death,
and afterward the hands of all the people.” Where there were insufficient
witnesses a special ceremony was done calling on God to carry out the punishment
(Deuteronomy 21:1-9).
Notice that those who were the witnesses were the ones to throw the first
stone.
“Being a witness, even by
accident, to a capital sin meant the individual who had witnessed such acts
would not only be the key ‘material witness’ causing the punishment of death
for the individual who had so sinned, but the witness had to be the first to
cast the stones that would kill the person judged as guilty. Thus, if two or
three conspired to deliberately become ‘false witnesses’ to illegally put a
neighbour to death, they would not only be breaking the commandment against
‘false witness’ but would be forced through the legal system under Moses to
directly commit the act of murder! Probably, God insisted the witnesses
themselves throw the first stones as a deterrent to false witnessing! It might
have been one thing to lie about a neighbour, but quite another thing to pick
up a rock and kill him” (CGI booklet, The Ten Commandments, p.73-74).
In Deuteronomy 19:18-19 we read: “And the judges shall make careful inquiry,
and indeed, if the witness is a false witness, who has testified
falsely against his brother, then you shall do to him as he thought to have
done to his brother; so you shall put away the evil from among you.” This principle means that if
restitution of $1 000 is involved, the false witness must make a payment of $1
000. In cases where the defendant's life is at stake the false witness must be
executed. The penalty of the case falls on the perjurer.
Norm Edwards in his article
series entitled “O How Love I Thy Law” makes these comments about the laws
concerning assault, death caused by someone else’s animal and the loss of an
animal through the fault of another:
“lf
men contend with each other, and one strikes the other with a stone or with
his fist, and he does not die but is confined to his bed, if he rises again
and walks about outside with his staff, then he who struck him shall be acquitted.
He shall only pay for the loss of his time and shall provide for him to be
thoroughly healed’ (Exodus
21:18-19)…
“The
man who injures another must pay for the loss of the injured’s time (value of
his day's away from his work), and pay the expenses of his healing. He does not
go to jail with other criminals, he stays in his job and pays. If he cannot
pay, he becomes a servant.
“If
an ox gores a man or a woman to death, then the ox shall surely be stoned,
and its flesh shall not be eaten; but the owner of the ox shall be acquitted.
But if the ox tended to thrust with its horn in times past, and it has been
made known to his owner, and he has not kept it confined, so that it has killed
a man or a woman, the ox shall be stoned and its owner also shall be put to
death (Exodus
21:28-29).
“While
these verses are talking about oxen, the principles apply to many things we
have today, such as automobiles, power tools, etc. If an animal or machine
kills a person you get rid of it so it cannot happen again. (In the case of a
machine, it may be possible simply to replace the failing part—if the brakes
fail on a truck and it hits and kills someone, the failing part(s) of the brake
system would be replaced, not the entire truck.) If the owner already knew
about the unsafe condition and did nothing, then he is responsible for the
death and can be put to death himself.
“And
if a man opens a pit, or if a man digs a pit and does not cover it, and an
ox or a donkey falls in it, the owner of the pit shall make it good; he shall
give money to their owner, but the dead animal shall be his (Exodus 21:33-34).
“The
example is an ox, but the principle applies to many kinds of property. If a man
creates an unsafe condition that injures another's property, he is responsible
for restoring the property, but no more. He is allowed to keep the salvage
value of the other's damaged property (the ox, above, could be used to make
leather, soap, chicken-food, etc.) If the offended party were allowed to
receive replacement property and salvage the damaged property, they might find
it profitable to deliberately look for such unsafe conditions and send their
property into them” (Servants News, 1996).
The Life Application makes
these comments on treating strangers and the poor fairly in its commentary on Exodus 22:22-24: “God warned the Israelites not to treat aliens unfairly
because they themselves were once strangers in Egypt. It is not easy coming
into a new environment where you feel alone and out of place. Are there
strangers in your corner of the world? Refugees? New arrivals at school?
Immigrants from another country? Be sensitive to their struggles, and express
God's love by your kindness and generosity…The Hebrew law code is noted for its
fairness and social responsibility toward the poor. God insisted that the poor
and powerless be well treated and given the chance to restore their fortunes.
We should reflect God's concern for the poor by helping those less fortunate
than ourselves.”
“The
apostle Paul referred to the civil administration under the old covenant as the
‘ministration of death’ (2 Corinthians
3:7) and the ‘ministration of condemnation’ (verse 9). In other words, the
purpose of that administration was to condemn lawbreakers to appropriate
physical punishment, often capital, to stop crime and lawlessness. It was an
effective system designed to serve its objectives well. But it did not lead to
a change of heart, to conversion and salvation.
”True
Christians are under a new administration. We have the ‘ministration of the
spirit’ (verse 8),
the ‘ministration of righteousness’ (verse 9).
The purpose of this New Testament administration is to eliminate through the
inner power of the Holy Spirit the desire to do evil. It involves the building
of righteous character. True christians now, through the power of the Holy
Spirit, keep God's laws according to their full meaning and intent. And when we
slip and stumble—sin (transgress God's law)—we can be forgiven through the
blood of Jesus Christ who paid the penalty of death for sin” (Don’t Be A Crime Victim,
p.28).
Religious laws
The
purpose of the religious laws God gave to Israel were to help them stay close
to God and maintain a high standard of morality and love and concern for each
other which would result in peace and co-operation in Israel as well as many
other blessings.
The Sabbath and the Holy
Days, were fundamental religious laws God gave (Leviticus
23). Along with the purpose of rest, these weekly and annual
sabbaths included a holy convocation, a regular coming together to worship God
and hear His truth being expounded. We need this regular renewal to help us
stick close to God. Without our minds being fed by God’s values on this regular
basis we quickly drift into our carnal ways which are often the path of least
resistance and hurt ourselves and other people.
The
tabernacle (and later the Temple) and the physical objects of religious service
from the Ark of the Covenant (Exodus
25-30)
to the silver trumpets (Numbers
10:1-10)
and the oil and loaves of bread that the priest placed on the altar (Leviticus 24) served to give people a
physical reminder of God’s presence and His active participation in the life
of the nation.
Those
things, along with the rules of cleanness and uncleanness and other rules
of purity (Numbers
19:11-22, Leviticus 12:1-5, 15:1-26,
22:3, 14) helped focus the Israelites on the need for
purity in their lives both physically and spiritually. They helped with conveying
more of a sense of awe and respect to those people who were receptive to God’s
ways.
Voluntary sacrifices have been
around since God created Adam and Eve, like those offered by Abel (Genesis 4:4), but
the regular daily, weekly, monthly and annual sacrificial offerings (Numbers 28-29) were
only given after and because of the rebellion relating to the golden calf
incident (Jeremiah 7:22).
They were for the purpose of impressing on a carnal, physical people the need
of a far greater sacrifice to come in the person of Jesus Christ, the son
of God. They also served to impress on them the need to show thankfulness
to God for all the wonderful things that God has done for His people.
In
the first few chapters of Leviticus we read about five different types of
offerings – the burnt offering (Leviticus 1), the
grain offering (Leviticus 2), the
peace offering (Leviticus 3), the
sin offering (Leviticus 4) and
the trespass offering (Leviticus 5-6:7).
The burnt offering was a voluntary offering that
was totally consumed by fire and pictures us offering our lives totally to
God like Christ did (Romans
12:1). The grain offering was made of evenly ground flour,
oil and frankincense and was another voluntary offering. Only a handful of
it was burned on the altar and the rest was given to the priests for food.
It pictures our service to God and providing for our fellow man. The peace offering was offered by way
of supplication or request for some good that was asked for from God. It was a festive
offering shared between the offerer, the priest and God picturing the unity
and fellowship that we are working towards and living at peace with God and
man.
The sin offering was mainly for unintentional sins. It pictures the
forgiveness of sins made against God. In the sin offering no particular acts
are mentioned but the trespass offering is offered after committing certain
acts that are specified against God and man. In certain cases a fifth was to be
added to any restitution involving taking what belongs to someone else. This
teaches there is more to forgiveness than just forgiveness. Often there needs to
be restitution. The extra fifth teaches us that we need to go over and above
when making restitution to others.
Family laws
God’s
laws on family life are designed to keep families strong and safe from the
threats of infidelity, fornication, immorality of other kinds and financial
hardship. Families are the building block of any society and society is only as
strong as its families.
The laws and statutes
concerned with family life are a broadening of two of the ten commandments
regarding family life – the fifth commandment “You shall honour your father and
mother” and the seventh commandment “You shall not commit adultery”.
In Malachi 2:14-15 God tells us one of the reasons
for the institution of marriage. We read, “The Lord has been witness between
you and the wife of your youth…she is your wife and your wife by covenant. But
did He not make them one having a remnant of the spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring.” God is
reproducing Himself through mankind and parents have a heavy responsibility and
vital role in that process. In order to develop godly offspring God commands
fathers in Ephesians 6:4 to “bring
[children] up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
The Old Testament statute
which this New Testament command is founded upon is in Deuteronomy 6:6-9. In the verse before God tells
parents what they must first do in order to be successful in bringing up
children who value God’s way of life. God tells our parents in Deuteronomy 6:5: “You shall love the Lord your
God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might.” Parents,
first of all, must themselves have a deep love for and desire to share the
truth of God with others if their children are to have a real chance to feel
the same.
Continuing on God says, ”And
these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach
them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your
house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontlets
between your eyes. You shall write them on the door posts of your house and
on your gates" (Deuteronomy
6:6-9).
The world is exerting a
greater and greater pull on our young people than on previous generations. It
is increasingly moving away from the values of the Bible and it bombards us and
our young people continually with its false values through television, movies
and other forms of entertainment. Parents have to be diligent in teaching their
children God’s ways. They need to be taught how to build a close friendship
with God and how to be kind and generous to others. Parents should do all they
can to stir up in them a love of reading and learning about God’s truth and the
world around them. As they mature they need to be given more responsibility for
their own choices and how to make those choices good ones. They need to develop
wisdom, how to think through the consequences of their actions and practice at
how to think for themselves.
An
extension of the commandment to honour your parents is found in Leviticus 19:32 where we read: “You shall
rise before the grey headed and honour the presence of an old man, and fear
your God: I am the LORD.” Treating the elderly with respect is an extension of
the respect we should show for both toward God and our parents.
God
expanded the commandment about not committing adultery to forbid a number
of other sexual practices. In Leviticus
18,
a long list of sexual / marital incestuous relationships with close relatives
are forbidden. Marriage between brothers
and sisters was allowed by God before the Exodus. God forbid such marriages
only later when the chances of birth defects became much greater for the children
produced in such marriages. In Leviticus
20:15-16 God forbid the abominable practice of bestiality –
sex between a man and an animal. Homosexuality is another abominable practice
that God forbids (Leviticus
20:13).
Paul explained that homosexuality was against nature (Romans 1:26-27). God created two sexes and
God physically designed sex to only be between a man and a woman. The physical
plumbing is all wrong for homosexual sex.
Fornication
or sex before marriage is so common in this age and today’s sexual revolution
is reaping tremendous penalties such as sexual diseases, broken relationships
and all sorts of other emotional problems. God’s law on pre-marital sex is an
ingenious solution to deter this common practice. Norm Edwards makes these
comments on this law:
“If
a man entices a virgin who is not betrothed, and lies with her, he shall surely
pay the bride-price (dowry) for her to be his wife. If her father utterly
refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money according to the bride-price
of virgins (Exodus
22:16-17).
“Now look at the Eternal's
law from the perspective of a man thinking about enticing a woman. If he just
wants a good time now, the woman could tell her father about him later and
he could be stuck with her for the rest of his life—a fearful thought. On
the other hand, if he thinks he does love her and wants to marry her, the
woman's father could always say no. He would still have to pay the bride price,
he would have a bad name, and he would not have a wife. If he does not have
the bride-price, he could become a servant. It would seem much better to wait
and to ask to marry the woman, rather than entice her.
This law was possibly the origin of the “shotgun wedding”. The father of the
girl would normally be more mature than them and could make a better decision
on whether they were suited for marriage or not. Rushdoony makes these comments
on this law:
“In cases of seduction and
rape the guilty party had to endower the girl with the dowry of a virgin.
If marriage followed, he lost permanently any right of divorce as well (Exodus 22:16,17;
Deuteronomy 22:28-29).
If not, the girl in such a case went into her marriage to another man with
a double dowry, one of 50 shekels of silver from her seducer, and another
from her husband” (The
Institutes of Biblical Law, p.177).
The principle of the dowry is a good lesson for young people in our day.
Marriage is a big commitment. Men need to
be preparing themselves financially. Many guys have lots of wishbone and not
enough backbone. Your hormones may be flowing and you want to be married but
are you preparing yourself financially?
In Exodus 21:1-6 we read of a law relating to
servants. If a servant got married his wife and children would remain as
servants with the master once he got his freedom. This would certainly
encourage servants to wait until after they got their freedom and set
themselves up financially before they got married.
In a related law God decreed
that newlywed men were exempt from military service or any other civil business
in Deuteronomy 24:5. “When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not
go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one
year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken."
In its commentary on this
verse the Life Application Bible has this to say: “Recently married couples were to remain together their
first year. This was to avoid placing an excessive burden upon a new, unproven
relationship and to give it a chance to mature and strengthen before
confronting it with numerous responsibilities.”
God’s
original desire for marriage is that it be between one man and one woman for
life but God allowed divorce under restricted conditions because of the hardness
of their hearts (Matthew
19:7-8). Polygamy was a situation God allowed in ancient times
but did not prefer. If often occurred for economic reasons for a husband to
provide for women who had little support, particularly with the situation
where men would be in short supply because of the loss of men through war.
It was not God’s intent. Kings were barred from doing so (Deuteronomy
17:17) and ministers in the early New Testament time were to
be husband to only one wife (1 Timothy 3:2).
Similarly
God never intended there be slavery. Virtually of all the statutes that discuss
slavery are prefaced with the word IF. It was not what God preferred. In
ancient Israel slavery or becoming a servant came as a result of a thief having
to work off a debt of restitution or to help get one’s family back on their
feet financially. What God wants ultimately are free sons. He doesn’t want
someone who is bound to Him as a slave but a free born son who voluntarily
wants to be with Him.
From the beginning God has always forbid marriage between
His people and non-believers or heathen. Even though Israel were not a part
of the church, being denied access to God’s spirit with a few exceptions,
they were forbidden to marry outside of Israel. They were to be faithful to
God and intermarriage with the pagan nations around them would weaken their
commitment to God and was thus forbidden. To the Israelites He commanded,
"Nor shall you make marriages with them [the Gentile nations around them.
You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for
your son. For they will turn your
sons away from following me to serve other gods" (Deuteronomy
7:3).
We read in 2 Corinthians
6:14: "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers". The Life
Application Bible makes the following comment on this verse: "Paul urges
believers not to form binding relationships with non-believers, because this
might weaken their Christian commitment, integrity or standards" (p.2100).
While a non‑christian can meet many of your needs
they cannot even fully understand and feel for the most important part of your
life. While you can have a good relationship with a non‑christian it can
never be the best because non‑christians cannot understand the spiritual
side of your life. Because of these reasons God commands us to marry only
someone who is in the church. In 1 Corinthians 7:39
Paul writes: "A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives, but if
her husband dies she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, ONLY in the Lord". The word only means wholly something without exceptions.
Economic
laws
God’s laws on property and
economics are designed to ensure the protection of the property and inheritance
of men from theft, damage and devaluation. The laws and statutes on property
and economics further expand on the eighth commandment – “You shall not steal”
– and the tenth commandment – “You shall not covet”.
In Deuteronomy 25:15 we read: “You shall have a perfect and just weight, a perfect and just measure, that your days may be lengthened in the land which the Lord your God is giving you". Howard Rand makes these comments about this verse in relation to our medium of exchange:
“It is clear from a study of the Israel system of
exchange that a unit of value was established, fixed in its relation to goods,
with silver part of the monetary system to increase volume with increase in
goods…The only foundation on which true prosperity can rest, with an unlimited
expansion of industry and enterprise and an increase in production—without
having a corresponding increase in poverty in the midst of plenty—is an
adequate and equitable medium of exchange. This medium must be a perfect weight
and measure regarding the value of goods.
“Instead
of fluctuation in prices there would be a fluctuation in the volume of the
medium of exchange. Increased production would mean increased purchasing power
in the increase in the circularisation of an increased medium of
exchange…Today, with no adequate method of balancing gold against supply and
demand, fluctuation in prices is inevitable. But when money can be made to
expand with the increase in goods men can always produce at a profit, for
prices will have become stabilized. The production of goods will then be as
profitable as the mining of gold” (Digest of Divine Law).
Gold
is much less common than silver. If we print more money than we have gold, if
that is what is backing our paper money, then the value of the paper money will
decrease even though there might be a lot more goods and production. If we use
something that is common like silver to back our money then it can keep up at
the same rate as our production of goods and prevent our goods, labour and
paper money from dropping in value.
Money
should be printed at the same rate that we have something like silver to back
it and this increase in money should be at the same rate as the increase in
our production and goods to be a perfect weight and measure regarding the
value of goods. Fractional reserve
banking, unbacked or partially backed paper money and money exchangers making
profit on money they sell (Matthew
21:12-13) are also violations of this law.
In Exodus 22:25
we read: “If you lend money to any of My people who are poor among you, you
shall not be like a moneylender to him; you shall not charge him interest.”
Interest should never be charged to someone that borrows money because he
is poor or in need. This principle is greatly violated in our society in that
banks, credit card companies, and other lenders often try to induce poor and
less-educated people to buy more than they can afford on credit, and then
they charge them very high interest rates for years to come. However, a person
that has money to invest, can certainly lend it at interest to someone that
will use it (Matthew
25:27). While interest is permitted on business loans, all
such loans are under the restriction of the sabbath law, i.e., their life
is limited to six years (Deuteronomy
15:1-6). At the end of every seven year cycle
when the land sabbath came around all debts were to be forgiven.
Under God's system the number of things that can be
taken by banks as security is a lot more restricted. Deuteronomy 24:6-13 says that one could not take the mill or upper
millstone or the cloak of a poor man to be a pledge. A pledge (collateral,
security) cannot involve anything necessary to a man's work or living, for to
do so would be to endanger the man's "life," i.e., his freedom. Since
the land is God's, only the produce of the land (crop lien) could be used as
security. If God's economic principles were in force it would solve the debt
problems that so many people are burdened with in our nations.
In Leviticus
19:13 we read: “You shall
not cheat your neighbor, nor rob him. The wages of him who is hired
shall not remain with you all night until morning.” If a man works for you, you are to pay him right away—you
don’t work out some elaborate scheme to pay him later and benefit from interest
earned on his money. To employees they should give a fair day’s pay for a
fair day’s work and workers should give a fair day’s work for a fair day’s
pay (Ephesians
6:5-9).
ddition to the Sabbath and the Holy Days we read
in Leviticus 25:1-7 that at the
end of every six years an entire year (the seventh year) was a year of rest in
which men were to cease from their labours. During this year they could devote
the time to travel and pleasure.
With the land sabbath law God commanded the modern nation of Israel to rest
their Iand every seventh year to allow it to regenerate and restore fertility.
But modern man in his greed forgets future generations while seeking his own
immediate wealth. He commonly does not let land rest properly and destroys the
soil.
God's laws such as the Jubilee
year law (Leviticus
25:8-17)
and the land sabbath (Leviticus 25:1-7) will go a long way towards eliminating poverty in the
World Tomorrow. In the World Tomorrow everyone will have an inheritance of
land from God. The earth is God's (Psalm
24:1) and land itself in God's system cannot be sold and horded
by individuals, companies and governments.
When
a person in ancient Israel mismanaged their finances to the point where they
had to sell their inheritance they didn't sell the land but the productivity
of the land. If it was 40 years to the next Jubilee then it sold for 40 years
worth of productivity; 30 years to the next Jubilee meant it could only be
sold for 30 years worth of productivity as opposed to what the market would
pay (Leviticus 25:8-17).
The land could be bought back or redeemed at any time by the person whose
inheritance it was or by his immediate family. The rights of the poor had
precedence over those rich profiteers who bought it off them in that they
could buy the land back at any time and have it restored to them.
In
our society today people sell land for as much as they can get and try to make
a profit on the sale of the land. If the price of land continues to rise
because everyone is trying to make a profit when they sell it, this increase
fuels inflation. If people need more to buy property they need to make more
money and this drives up wages which, in turn, drives up the price of goods.
God’s system of buying and selling property deflates this problem.
Property laws
Let’s
now look at those laws and statutes that deal with property and start off by
looking at the laws that cover the penalties involved for stealing property.
Norm Edwards makes these comments on them:
“If
a man steals an ox or a sheep, and slaughters it or sells it, he shall restore
five oxen for an ox and four sheep for a sheep...If the theft is certainly
found alive in his hand, whether it is an ox or donkey or sheep, he shall
restore double (Exodus
22:1,4).
“Why the different amounts
of restoration: 5, 4 or 2 times the value? There is a very good reason! If the
thief is selling what he steals, he is making theft a business—he is getting
rid of the evidence in order not to be caught. He did not take an ox or a
plough or an axe because he needed one, he took it because he wanted to get
money. There is a fivefold restoration for stealing the animals or tools that a
person needs to do his regular work. An ox was a trained animal that was used
for pulling wagons, ploughing, etc. A sheep did not do daily work, but was used
for wool once a year, or eaten (once in its lifetime)” (O How Love I Thy Law,
Servants News, 1996).
This
principle of double or more restitution to the owner of property that has been
stolen from him helps promote security in a society. If the law is being upheld
by good law enforcement then people will feel more safe regarding their
property knowing if it is stolen from them they will receive much more than
what was stolen from them. The Life Application Bible makes these comments
about the principle of restitution:
“Throughout chapter 22 we find examples
of the principle of restitution -- making wrongs right. For example, if a
man stole an animal, he had to repay double the beast's market value. If you
have done someone wrong, perhaps you should go beyond what is expected to
make things right. This will (1) help ease any pain you've caused, (2) help
the other person be more forgiving, and (3) make you more likely to think
before you do it again” (p.140).
Those
who could not pay back the amount of restitution became servants and worked
off the debt. “’He should make full restitution; if he has nothing, then he
shall be sold for his theft’ (Exodus
22:3).
This law would revolutionise our criminal justice system. Today, many thefts
are committed by minors—they are rarely required to make restitution and are
usually put back on the street in a few weeks. White collar criminals often
hide their booty in trusts or secret accounts—they rarely make restitution
and serve short sentences. If either of these two groups knew that they would
have to work hard for six years (no plea bargaining or reduced sentences)
if they could not make a four-fold restitution, they would think again before
stealing” (O How Love I Thy Law, Servants
News, 1996).
In
Leviticus 19:35-36
we read: “You shall do no injustice in judgment, in measurement of length,
weight, or volume. You shall have honest scales, honest weights, an honest
ephah, and an honest hin.” Businesses should be honest about what they are
selling and its price! The world of business and advertising is a long way off
from properly obeying this command.
Rushdoony
makes these comments on helping someone if you are in a position to do so:
“Failure to render aid was once a serious offence, and to a limited
degree, still makes the man who fails to render aid liable to serious
penalties. The direction of humanistic law is progressively absolving men of
any legal obligation to be a Good Samaritan. Biblical law, however, asserts the
liability of the bystander. Thus, Deuteronomy
22:1-4, declares:
”You shall not see
your brother’s ox or his sheep going astray, and hide yourself from them; you
shall certainly bring them back to your brother. And if your brother is
not near you, or if you do not know him, then you shall bring it to your own
house, and it shall remain with you until your brother seeks it; then you shall
restore it to him. You shall do the same with his donkey, and so shall you do
with his garment; with any lost thing of your brother’s, which he has lost and
you have found, you shall do likewise; you must not hide yourself. You shall
not see your brother’s donkey or his ox fall down along the road, and hide
yourself from them; you shall surely help him lift them up again” (The Institutes of Biblical
Law, p.463-464)
People are responsible for
the damage they cause as well as the damage caused by their animals or other
property. A person who improperly parks his car is responsible if it strays
into another's property and damages it. They have to pay full restoration
for any damage caused (Exodus
22:5-6).
Many
arguments have been started from damage or loss caused to someone’s property
when they lend it out to someone else. What does the Bible say about this kind
of situation? Norm Edwards makes these comments on God’s statutes regarding
this:
”And
if a man borrows anything from his neighbour, and it becomes injured or dies,
the owner of it not being with it, he shall surely make it good. If its owner
was with it, he shall not make it good; if it was hired, it came for its hire
(Exodus 22:14-15).
If everyone knew and practiced
this principle, it would save thousands of fights and court cases every day.
We may derive the following principles:
1)
If you borrow something, you must be prepared to fix or replace it if it
breaks.
2)
Do not borrow something that you do not know how to use and might break.
3)
Do not borrow something that is in poor repair and likely to have a major
breakdown.
4)
If you desperately need to borrow something (such as a car or truck in our
day), but one or more of the above three rules are telling you not to do it,
ask the owner to come with you to help you use it.
5)
If you are lending something, make sure the borrower understands the possible
costs of repairing or replacing the item.
6)
If the owner stays with the borrower to use the item, the owner must keep a
careful watch and make sure it is used correctly.
7)
If you rent things out for a price, your customers are not automatically responsible
to fix whatever goes wrong. Either be prepared to take responsibility for all
problems, or write out each party's responsibilities before the transaction
takes place” (O
How Love I Thy Law, Servants News, 1996).
Heath laws
In
the UCG booklet “What Does the Bible Teach
About Clean and Unclean Meats?” we read
the following about those animals designated as clean and unclean in the Bible:
“God
reveals which animals—including fish and birds—are suitable and unsuitable for
human consumption in Leviticus 11 and Deuteronomy 14…God states that cud-chewing animals with split
hooves can be eaten (Leviticus 11:3;
Deuteronomy 14:6). These specifically
include the cattle, sheep, goat, deer and gazelle families [Strangely enough
the giraffe is clean] (Deuteronomy 14:4-5). He also lists such animals as camels, rabbits and
pigs as being unclean, or unfit to eat (Leviticus
11:4-8). He later lists such ‘creeping
things’ as moles, mice and lizards as unfit to eat (verses 29-31), as
well as four-footed animals with paws (cats, dogs, bears, lions, tigers, etc.)
as unclean (verse 27).
“He tells us that
salt and freshwater fish with fins and scales may be eaten (verses 9-12), but water creatures without those
characteristics (catfish, lobsters, oysters, shrimp, crabs, clams, mussels,
squid, frogs, octopi, etc.) should not be eaten. God also lists birds and other
flying creatures that are unclean for consumption (verses
13-19). He identifies carrion eaters and birds of prey as unclean,
plus ostriches, storks, herons and bats. Birds such as chickens, turkeys and
pheasants are not on the unclean list and therefore can be eaten. Insects, with
the exception of locusts, crickets and grasshoppers, are listed as unclean (verses 20-23).
“Why does God
identify some animals as suitable for human consumption and others as
unsuitable?…In listing the animals that should not be eaten, God forbids the
consumption of scavengers and carrion eaters, which devour other animals for
their food. Animals such as pigs, bears, vultures and raptors can eat (and
thrive) on decaying flesh. Predatory animals such as wolves, lions, leopards
and cheetahs most often prey on the weakest (and at times the diseased) in
animal herds. When it comes to sea creatures, bottom dwellers such as lobsters
and crabs scavenge for dead animals on the sea floor. Shellfish such as
oysters, clams and mussels similarly consume decaying organic matter that sinks
to the sea floor, including sewage” (p.10-11).
“It is evident that certain animals have
digestive systems that don't carry off as many poisons as do others. A hog
digests its food in about three and a half hours. A cow requires twenty-four
hours to do the same thing through two digestive processes screening out
impurities that would otherwise pass into its flesh and milk. The main reason
any animal is unclean is that it wasn't made to be eaten by man. God made some
animals for human food. Others were for work, for pets, for consuming waste
products and for controlling the numbers of creatures” (The Bible Story, Volume
2, p.16-17).
The eating of blood is banned
(Leviticus
17:10-14, 19:26),
as is animal fat (Leviticus
7:23-25). Animals that die naturally are not to be eaten (Deuteronomy
14:21). The kidneys and the liver are also forbidden (Exodus
29:13, 22). These
organs are for the purpose of screening out impurities and are not fit for
human consumption.
In Leviticus 12:3 God commanded the Israelites to
physically circumcise their male babies on the eighth day. It is on the eighth
day that the vitamin K level in baby boys peaks which makes it the best time
for this usually painful but beneficial operation.
A basic law of cleanliness
is given in Deuteronomy 23:13-14
regarding the burial of excrement and sewerage. With all our high technology in
our society we still choose to ignore this simple, common sense law by dumping
raw sewerage into our seas rather than returning it to the soil where soil
organisms and bacteria can build up the quality of the soil as God designed it
to happen.
Miscellaneous
statutes
In Leviticus 19:19 we read "You shall not let
your livestock breed with another kind. You shall not sow your field with mixed
seed.” God here tells us plainly
not to mix our plants and animals by cross-breeding. God wants us to keep the
varieties that He has created PURE!
Tattooing is forbidden in God’s
law (Leviticus
19:28, 21:5). “Tattooing
was practiced religiously to indicate that one adhered to or belonged to a
god; it also indicated that a man was a slave, that he belonged to a lord
or owner’s. The believer, as a free man in Christ, indicates Christ's lordship
by obedience, not by servile markings: the body is kept holy and clean unto
the Lord” (The Institutes of Biblical Law, p.223).
In Deuteronomy 22:5
we read: “A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a
man put on a woman’s garment, for all who do so are an abomination to
the Lord your God.”
God wants us to have a clear
distinction between the sexes. This not only refers to clothing (eg. men
wearing women’s clothing even in comedy skits) but could include not taking up
certain professions clearly in the domain of the opposite sex (eg. women in the
army) to women developing their bodies in a way that partially takes on a
masculine appearance. This command clearly forbids transexuals who have,
through hormone taking and various operations, changed their appearance to that
of the opposite sex. God labels these practices as an abomination in His eyes.
After
God brings our Israelite nations back out of captivity after the Great
Tribulation He says this to them in Ezekiel
36:27: “I will put my spirit within
you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and you shall keep my judgments, and
do them.”
Those of us in the church
will be the ones who will teach them God’s commandments, statutes and judgments
in the World Tomorrow. If we are to be the ones who will teach them these laws
in the World Tomorrow then it behoves all of us to be good students and learn
all we can about them now.
4] What can we learn from the Sermon on the Mount?
The Sermon on the Mount is foundational to
understanding the New Testament just as the laws and statutes God gave Israel
are to understanding the Old Testament and the rest of the Bible for that
matter.
While the Ten Commandments and the other laws and
statutes focus mainly on the letter of the law, the Sermon on the Mount covers
the spirit and intent behind the laws God gave to Israel when they came out of
Egypt. Christ magnified and filled the law to the full by the incredible way in
which He expounded on the spirit and intent behind the law and statutes that
God had already given to Israel. The Sermon on the Mount is indeed the
Christian constitution. It teaches what basic Christianity is all about in a
sermon unparalleled since the time that Christ walked the earth.
In His famous Sermon on the
Mount, Jesus Christ laid out the very essence of Christianity. At the beginning
of it He explained seven distinct character traits of that produce true joy
that persists, even in the midst of persecution, outward pressure and turmoil. These
traits are often called the beatitudes or beautiful attitudes. Let’s look at
them individually.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs
is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew
5:3). What did Christ mean by “poor in spirit”? It doesn’t
mean to be poor in possessions. It means to be poor in the kind of self-will
where put our own will ahead of that of God’s will or other people. It means
to be humble and willing to put others ahead of ourselves. The starting point for true happiness is to realize that none of us can
meet our own spiritual needs and that we are poor in righteousness without
the help of Almighty God. We should be profoundly aware of our deep need for
a Saviour and God’s righteousness.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall
be comforted”
(Matthew 5:4). John
Ogwyn makes these comments on this verse: “Mourning
or grief would appear to be the very antithesis of happiness. Why, then, would
Christ list this as one of the seven aspects of character that would lead
to inner happiness and contentment? The prophet Ezekiel recorded a vision
in which he saw a group of people set apart by God to be spared the prophetic
judgments that were to come upon Israel. They are described as those who ‘sigh
and cry’ for the abominations of their people (Ezekiel
9:4)…Christ's promise to such people is one of comfort. Those
who have come to truly hate sin and who are deeply grieved by it are the heirs
of a Kingdom that will be built upon righteousness. They can look forward
to the time when the pain and sorrow that constitute sin's legacy will be
forever banished They will be the heirs of an age in which God Himself will
provide comfort (Revelation
21:4)” (World Ahead, Sept-Oct 1998, p.16).
“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit
the earth”
(Matthew 5:5).
Meekness means humility and being teachable – a willingness to admit
when we are wrong which is essential if we are to learn and grow. It is the
opposite of a proud, know-it-all attitude. In the comedy “Fletch Lives” Chevy
Chase makes a humorous statement, “It takes a big man to admit he’s wrong
and I am not a big man!” Herbert W. Armstrong used to say quite often that
just about the hardest thing for any person to do is to admit that they have
been wrong.
“The true saints of God are destined to literally rule
as kings and priests with Jesus Christ on this very earth (Revelation 5:10).
While promising His apostles the future responsibility of sitting on thrones
and ruling the various tribes of Israel (Luke
22:29-30), Christ emphasised that they must be prepared to
administer a government vastly different from any they had ever known. Christ
taught them that as rulers they were to exemplify an attitude of humble service
rather than one of domineering vanity” (World Ahead, Sept-Oct 1988, p.17).
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst
for righteousness, for they shall be filled” (Matthew
5:6). What is it that you yearn for most in life? Is it God’s
righteousness (Matthew 6:33)?
The type of hungering and thirsting Jesus Christ
is talking about here is not the way we feel after we’ve missed a meal, it’s
not the way we feel at the end of the day when we’re about to sit down for
dinner, it’s not even the way we feel at the end of the day of Atonement.
Here He’s talking about the type of hunger only a starving man knows and the
type of thirst a man dying of thirst can possibly understand. He is talking
about an intense, gnawing, aching, longing for God’s righteousness, an intense
desire to live God’s way of life, to obey His laws and to have what He is
offering us. If we truly have this deep desire to live by God’s way of life
then God promises to fill us with this kind of righteousness.
“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy” (Matthew
5:7). “This fifth quality emphasized by Christ is yet another
characteristic that goes against the grain of human nature. We naturally respond
in retaliation and vengeance. How hard it is to untangle ourselves from hurts
and grievances! ’It's not fair!’ we say. In Matthew 18:21-35
we find a parable that Jesus told to illustrate the matter of forgiveness.
Simon Peter had come to Christ and asked Him if he should be willing to forgive
his brother as many as seven times! Imagine his surprise when Christ told
him that the number of times he must forgive his brother was ‘not seven, but
seventy times seven.’ Peter's first thought may have been, ‘But I couldn't
keep track of that many times!’ And that, of course, is the whole point. We
are not to be ‘keeping score.’ Rather, we must be ready to extend mercy and
compassion continually. After all, we need God to extend it to us continually”
(World Ahead, Sept-Oct 1998, p.17).
God said that if we don’t forgive
others of their sins when they have repented then He won’t forgive us of our
sins (Matthew
18:35). We are obligated to forgive others of their sins when
they repent (Luke 17:3).
Forgiveness when someone hasn’t repented of their sins is optional. Christ
forgave the soldiers who crucified Him because they didn’t realize fully what
they were doing.
“Father, forgive them, for
they do not know what they do” (Luke
23:34). He also forgave the woman caught in the act of adultery
with the hope that His compassionate forgiveness might move her to repent
of her sins (John 8:11).
Some have had to forgive men who had murdered their children or relatives,
for their own sake, rather than that of the unrepentant murderer. The hate,
the anger and the desire for vengeance and “payback” was tearing them up emotionally.
In the end they had to let it go and be content to wait on God’s eventual
justice in the World Tomorrow.
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew
5:8). “This
attribute is the very opposite of hypocrisy. The word ‘hypocrite’ comes from
a Greek word meaning an actor on the stage. In the Greek dramas of the first
century, actors wore masks while they recited their lines. Christ likened
some of the religious leaders of His day to those actors. For many of the
Pharisees were simply playing a part. They ‘wore a mask’ that appeared to
be very religious and holy. They followed countless rules and rituals. But
behind this disguise, their inner lives weren't permeated with genuineness
and purity of motive. James says that ‘pure and undefiled religion before
God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and
to keep oneself unspotted from the world’ (James
1:27). Religion that is purely motivated reflects itself in
helping those who are unable to help you in return. A desire to reflect the
mind and attitude of Jesus Christ, rather than to impress other people is
what God is after in each of us. Those who are pure in heart will ultimately
see God” (World Ahead, Sept-Oct 1998, p.30).
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9). “Peacemakers aren’t out spreading
gossip and rumours, stirring up strife between individuals and among groups.
Rather, a peacemaker pours oil on troubled waters and has a calming effect
on those around him…Peacemakers are practicing righteousness as a way of life.
When that way fills the earth, peace will result. The peacemakers have God’s
nature and attitude, and they are destined to be called His children forever”
(World Ahead, Sept-Oct 1998, p.30).
After discussing these seven character traits He also pronounces a blessing
on those who are persecuted and ridiculed because they are living God’s way
of life (Matthew 5:11-12). They develop more depth of
character through such trials which will help them later in life as well as
having the promise of God’s kingdom to come.
Now Jesus Christ takes these
beatitudes and turns the coin over and contrasts them in Luke’s version of the
Sermon on the Mount. Notice what He says: “Woe to you who are full now for you
shall hunger. Woe to you who laugh now for you shall weep” (Luke 6:25). What did He mean by this? Well, He
meant woe to us if we’re satisfied with what we have, woe to us if we’re
content with the way we are, woe to us if we don’t intensely desire to live
God’s way of life and obey Him and woe to us if we’re content to just cruise
along and not put any pressure on ourselves. He’s saying we may live happily
now but the day will come when we realize our lack. That day will be when God’s
people enter into the Kingdom of God.
He
then uses two analogies to show that we are to be good examples of living
God’s way of life in this spiritually darkened world (Matthew
5:13-16).
We are likened to salt that adds flavour and that was used to preserve meat.
We are cautioned not to lose that flavour by failing to live a godly way of
life. We are also likened to a light which should not be hid. We should not
bury our talents but use them to benefit others. “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see
your good works and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew
5:16).
Christ
said then that he did not
come to destroy the law but to fulfill. Fulfill in this case means live by
it or to bring it to the full (Matthew
5:17-19). The written law, opposed to the faulty Jewish oral
law, is permanent. Not only did He teach that we should keep the letter of
the law but that we also should live by the spirit or intent of the law. He
must have shocked them a little when He said: “For I say to you, that unless
your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes
and Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew
5:20). The Pharisees were so strict in keeping so many rules
and rituals but they did them, not out of a pure heart motivated by love for
others, but to get attention from being seen to be righteous.
“To
give a practical illustration of the principles He was teaching, Christ chose
the sixth commandment, ‘You shall not murder’ (Exodus
20:13), and showed how much more
it meant than what they then understood. Jesus explained that it was not just
the physical act of murder that would result in God's judgment, but unjustified
anger as well (Matthew
5:22). Expressions of contempt are the outgrowth of feelings
of anger and hostility. They reflect the spirit of murder. It's not enough
simply to refrain from intentionally killing someone. Christ told His disciples
to get rid of the very attitudes that could motivate such an act…
“After
discussing the spirit of murder, Christ proceeded to discuss another of the
Ten Commandments: ‘You shall not commit adultery’ (Matthew
5:27). He emphasised again that
avoidance of the physical act wasn't sufficient. God desires much more of
those who would inherit His Kingdom. As Christ went on to explain, lustful
thoughts violate the spirit of the seventh commandment, even if there are
no physical acts accompanying them” (World Ahead, Nov-Dec 1998, p.16-17).
In Matthew 5:23-26
Christ explained that we should be quick to resolve conflicts with people we
know and have offended. Some people are not very sensitive to even realize
sometimes that they may have caused someone a lot of hurt. We are to be more
sensitive than that and strive to resolve conflicts rather than try to sweep
issues under the carpet like many people do. For us to have a right
relationship with God we need to have right relationships with others (1 John 2:9).
In Matthew 5:29-30
Christ said: “If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it
from you…And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it
from you.” This is a metaphor and not to be taken literally. The right eye is
symbolic of material we look at and read that might cause us to sin and our
right hand is symbolic of our actions. We are to avoid sin and pluck out our
habits which are sinful.
“Another
major area in which the Pharisees totally missed the point of what God was
really after concerns oaths. In Matthew
23:16-22, it's made clear that
they spent a lot of time g which oaths were more valid than others.
Christ showed them just how futile this was by emphasising that God's real
desire and intent was for people to simply tell the truth on all occasions.
The idea that truth was obligatory under certain conditions and not under
others is alien to the very character and nature of our God…Christ emphasised
to His followers that rather than take any oaths whatsoever, they should simply
let their yes be yes and their no be no (Matthew
5:37)” (World
Ahead, Nov-Dec 1998, p.28).
We should keep our promises to do something and not
change our mind when it suits us (letting one’s yes be yes).
“There is something greater
and nearer to the heart of God than justice. That something is mercy! Christ
went on to explain that principle [in Matthew
5:38-39] ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth’ is quoted
from Exodus 21:24
and subsequent places in the civil code that God gave to ancient Israel. It
wasn't talking about personal retaliation, but rather about the way in which
justice was to be administered by the civil courts. It simply meant that the
punishment should fit the crime” (World Ahead, Nov-Dec 1998, p.28).
Matthew Henry in his commentary makes these
comments on Matthew 5:38-42: “If a man
in anger or scorn thus abuse thee, ‘turn to him the other cheek’’ that
is, instead of avenging that injury, prepare for another, and bear it
patiently: give not the rude man as good as he brings…we may avoid evil,
and may resist it, so far as is necessary to our own security; but we
must not render evil for evil, must not bear a grudge, nor avenge
ourselves.”
In Matthew 5:43-45
Christ said: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor
and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who
curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use
you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He
makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and
on the unjust.”
The law never said to hate your enemy. They were
to show love to strangers or foreigners (Leviticus
19:33-34). The part about hating your enemy was a part of Jewish
oral law that was added. Sometimes you can turn an enemy into a friend by
showing love and kindness to them, focusing on and praising their good qualities
and praying for them. Even if they still mistreat you, you will bear it much
better if you are positive towards them than if you are hateful and vengeful
to them.
“For if you love those who love you, what reward
have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your
brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even
the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father
in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:46-48).
Here is a real litmus test for a christian. Do we only love those who
love us? Is our love merely limited to our own small circle of friends? Is it
limited to giving only when it is convenient to us? If it is, then Christ quite
bluntly says here that our conversion really is not much better than that of
the pagans and sinners of the world. If we have true outgoing love we’ll extend
ourself beyond our own personal comfort zone and give to those we wouldn’t
naturally associate with, as well as those who are closest to us.
In Matthew 6:1
Christ said: “Take heed that you do not do your charitable deeds before men,
otherwise you have no reward from your Father in heaven.” We are not to do good
works to be seen of men or to draw attention to ourselves so others will praise
us. We are to do good because we believe in helping others.
Christ told them not speak vain repetitive prayers
but to talk to God from the heart with meaning. He cares for us and He wants
us to put our hearts and feelings into our prayers. He then went on to give
a model prayer or a pattern for us to work from when we talk to God and seek
His help with our needs and those of others (Matthew
6:9-13).
It starts off with “Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be Your name”. We are coming before the great King of the Universe to
whom all praise is due but not only that, He is also our Father. We are to pray
for God’s kingdom and that He will give us our daily needs which implies we
should pray on a daily basis. Notice to that it’s not my needs but OUR needs.
We should care for and pray for other people’s needs as well. We are also to
daily seek forgiveness for our regular sins and those of others and we are to
pray for spiritual strength for ourselves and others to handle the trials that
life throws at us at times.
In Matthew 6:22-23
Christ says: “The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good,
your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body
will be full of darkness.” The word used here for eye here means one’s
attitude. We need a good heart and attitude that wants to do right. It doesn’t
matter what “good works” someone might do, if they are motivated by a selfish
attitude (they give to get) then they will not be developing God’s
righteousness at all.
The second half of Matthew
6 deals with the matter of our priorities in life. We live
in a materialistic world where people are trying to get more physical things
and make lots of money. Pursuing wealth only becomes a problem when we put
it ahead of other more important things such as caring for one’s family and
living God’s way of life. Christ tells us to focus on laying up treasures
in heaven (building God’s character) rather than treasures on earth (Matthew 6:19-21).
He also tells us that you can’t serve two masters at the same time such as
God and money (Matthew 6:24).
Many people have to endure the weekly struggle
of making just enough money to make ends meet. This can be a cause of great
worry and anxiety for people. God tells us not to worry and that we have His
promise that He will always provide for our needs (not always our wants though)
if we seek Him and His righteousness FIRST ahead of everything
else. Do we give Him first place with our time and obedience? He has these
encouraging words to help build our faith in His sure promise to always provide
for our needs:
“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?…Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matthew 6:25-33).
“In Matthew 7 Jesus [exhorts]
His disciples not to be judgmental and condemning in dealing with people.
We aren't to have a negative, critical, "holier-than-thou" attitude
towards others. The one who takes it upon himself to stand in judgment of
the hearts of others is usurping the place of God, the Judge of all mankind.
Christ says that such a person will be called into account by the very One
whose role he usurps - and will be judged by Him! As He went on to explain
in verses 3
through 5, before we can take the ‘speck’ out of someone else's
eye, we must first get rid of the ‘log’ in our own eye. How can we help others
by pointing out some small mistake or fault when we are a thousand times more
guilty - and are thus blaring forth our hypocrisy? Rather than pointing the
finger at everyone else, we need to go to God and ask Him to reveal to us
our own faults - so that we can change. Then we can effectively serve others,
helping them to overcome their weaknesses” (World Ahead, May-June 1999, p.22).
In Luke’s version of the Sermon on the Mount He
then says: “Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into the
ditch? A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is perfectly
trained will be like his teacher.” If we are spiritually blind to our faults
how can we help others with their faults? (Luke 6:39)
“We must come to see that God
is very real and really does answer prayer. Christ told His disciples to ask,
seek and knock (Matthew
7:7) - and that God would be there to provide. Even human fathers,
with all of their natural human selfishness, would never dream of giving their
own children something hurtful when they were hungry and had asked for food
(v. 9-10).
Christ then emphasized how much more willing our Heavenly Father is to give
good gifts to His children when they ask (v.
11). For God's way is a way of give - of love and outflowing
concern” (World Ahead, May-June 1999, p.22).
In Luke’s version of the
Sermon on the Mount He then says in Luke 6:38:
“Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken
together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same
measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.” You give and God gives to you. Notice how much
he gives to you ‑ a "GOOD MEASURE". In other words He's not
stingy. How good is this good measure? Notice ‑ "PRESSED DOWN AND
SHAKEN". Ever open up a box of cereal and you find it's only half full
because when you press it down and shake it and open it almost half of it isn't
there. Well God does more than that. When God gives you a blessing He presses
it down, then shakes it then there's some area left you see. Then, what does He
do? He fills it up again so that it's "RUNNING OVER". The point is
here is that God gives generously but He only gives to those who give to Him
and to others.
“God's way must become our
way. ‘So in everything,’ Jesus said, ‘do to others what you would have them do
to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets’ (v.12
NIV). Known as the Golden Rule this familiar statement helps to
summarize all that Jesus had been teaching in the Sermon on the Mount. Here He
showed the true direction to which all of the instructions of the Old Testament
pointed. Interestingly, this principle was taught in its negative form by the
rabbis of Christ's day. Quoting a statement by Rabbi Hillel, dating from about
A.D. 20, the Talmud states, ‘What is hateful to you, do not to anyone else’ (b
Shabbath 31a). By stating it in the positive form as He did, however, Jesus
included sins of omission as well as commission” (World Ahead, May-June 1999,
p.22-23).
In the conclusion to His
Sermon on the Mount, Christ drew a series of contrasts by describing two
paths, two trees and two houses that teach us that we must learn to make right
choices while rejecting wrong ones.
“The pathway that leads to
eternal life is depicted by Jesus as a narrow way traversed by comparatively
few. It is contrasted with the wide and popular pathway where the many are
to be found. Those who follow in the footsteps of the Messiah will find that
the path is often difficult and fraught with peril (Matthew
7:13-14). As the Apostle Paul explained, the pathway that leads
into the entrance of the Kingdom passes through many hardships (Acts 14:22).
It is the pathway of righteousness, which is illuminated by the lamp of God's
Word (Psalm
119:105).
“Next, Jesus drew a contrast
between two trees. One yielded good fruit and the other yielded bad. The fruit
produced testifies to the kind of tree which produced it. Christ told His
listeners that they would encounter false prophets but that they could discern
the true from the false on the basis of the fruit they produced (Matthew 7:15-20).
These false prophets would, of course, claim to be true ones - but the evidence
of their life and teaching would belie their claims…
“The last of the contrasts
drawn in the Sermon on the Mount is that between two houses. One was built on
solid rock and the other was built on sand. [The one built on the sand] seemed
to stand for a while but] when storms came one house remained standing and the
other collapsed - "and great was its fall" (v. 24-27). Nothing can be more substantial than the
foundation upon which it is built. Jesus likened those who listened to His
words and then proceeded to put them into practice in their lives to the man
who built his house upon the rock - a solid, sure foundation.
“You see, it's not enough to
merely hear the Truth, to know it academically or even to acknowledge it and to
pay lip service to it. The Truth of God is something that must be practiced in
our everyday lives. Jesus the Messiah came with a powerful message that directs
His followers to a radical transformation of their own lives - including their
priorities and even their innermost thoughts, attitudes and motives” (World
Ahead, May-June 1999, p.23).
5] What are the seven deadly sins?
Pride, envy, anger, greed,
sloth, lust and gluttony. This list, known as the seven deadly sins, has been
categorized together since the Middle Ages as a means of helping people examine
their behaviour before God. Though the Bible does not group all of these sins
together in one specific place within its pages, the Bible does speak
extensively about them. They are indeed seven of the most prevalent sins that
plague humanity
Pride
The very first of the seven
deadly sins is pride. What is pride and what makes it wrong. The Macquarie
Dictionary defines pride as a “high or i ate opinion of one’s own dignity,
importance, merit or superiority.” This dictionary notes a difference between a
high and an i ate (i.e. excessive) opinion of oneself. There is nothing
wrong with having a high opinion of ourselves, our achievements or our beliefs
[the right kind of pride] as long as they are realistic and not excessive [the
wrong kind of pride].
That selfish focus of trying
to prop up our own estimation in the sight of others that can dominate our
lives is what John calls the “pride of life” in 1
John 2:16. The apostle John in that verse lists three of the most
dominant ways that this sinful world influences us - through sensuality (doing
whatever feels good regardless of the cost, such as sexual promiscuity),
materialism (an excessive desire to acquire money and things in our life) and
the pride of life. The first two are
often motivated by pride. Sensuality and materialism are, for the most part,
driven by an attitude of “I want what I want, when I want it and no one’s going
to tell me otherwise or deny me what I want.”
William Backus and Marie
Chapian in their book “Why Do I Do What I Don’t To Do?” describe six different
types of pride. They write:
“This
enthronement of self, this confidence in our own ability, this determination
deep inside that we can operate independently of God, this carefully concealed
self-will, is what the Bible calls pride (Romans
12:3). It is actually rebellion against God and God's
authority.
“The pride of other-control is the inability to
tolerate a situation unless in charge of it. The basic lies Billy has nurtured
are: (1) My life shouldn't be subject to the orders of anybody else; and (2) I
should be the one to decide what other people do; and (3) I can do things just
as well if not better than other people so they have no right to make demands
of me.
“The pride of vanity is rooted in the
misbelief, ‘The most important thing in life is that other people think highly
of me and have only good and positive opinions of me.’ Note, please, there is
no sin in receiving human attention or having others speak well of you. A
problem surfaces when you believe you've got to have attention, when you can't
endure not being appreciated or recognized.
“Following
close behind the initial misbelief of the pride of vanity are these two lies:
‘I can't stand it if I am not noticed,’ and, ‘I can't stand it if, when I am
noticed, somebody doesn't think well of me.’
“Presumptuous pride says, ‘I can do anything. In fact, I can do
anything better than you can.’ We see a lot of this kind of pride in people who
believe they are qualified to give medical advice without medical training.
Presumption is the belief that anything anybody else does I can do also.
“The pride of rebellion is
revealed when we insist we do something no matter what anybody else says about
it. Suppose I decide that I intend to steal something. Before I do it, I will
have to tell God to move over—’Quit running my life, God, because if you run my
life I can't steal.’ Of course, I would never actually say those words or form
such a sentence because I don't admit to myself I have those feelings…
“Name
a sin that is a problem for you and it will be a sin you think you have every
right to commit. Whenever you sin you have to believe something is good for you
which God has said is not good. The pride of rebellion says it's good to get
your own way no matter who you hurt or how you get it…
“The pride of
self-sufficiency says, ‘I will get out of life just what I put into it,’ and ‘I can
manage my own life,’ and ‘A person needs to learn to stand on his own two
feet,’ and ‘When I was your age, I was already earning my own living!’ All of
these statements may sound reasonable, but pride turns good into evil. For
example, the ‘I can manage my own life’ misbelief means that all rewards must
be self-directed and self-gratifying, even to the exclusion of God…
“Here are some pride of superiority misbeliefs:
-
I'm so terrific I can tell others what to do.
-
I've got the answer and others don't.
-
I'm better than others because I'm more self-sufficient.
-
I'm important because others come to me for help.
-
People need someone like me because I have the answers and help they need.
-
People who are in need are inferior to me because I'm not in need” (p 48-58).
Herbert W. Armstrong once
wrote these words about the sin of self-righteousness which is a pride of
superiority:
“Of all sins, I think
probably that the greatest and most harmful is SELF-righteousness, for this,
even unrealized, puts the self ahead of God, breaking the first commandment.
Further, the self-righteous is the hardest person to bring to repentance and
salvation. He is so deceived he thinks he HAS salvation already. He thinks he
has nothing to repent of -- he is already perfect. He is a blinded fool” (Heart
to Heart with Herbert W. Armstrong).
Before Luke records the parable of the Pharisee
and the tax collector he wrote that Jesus “spoke this parable to some who
trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others” (Luke 18:9). Notice the two qualities that these
Pharisees had – they trusted in themselves (they thought they really were
righteous when they weren’t) and they despised or looked down on others.
The
antidote to pride is humility. Humility or
meekness is lacking selfishness, pride or vanity. We need to have the right
kind of pride in our talents and achievements but not an overestimation where
we look down on others or insist on our own way at the expense of what others
want.
Envy
The
second of the seven deadly sins is that of envy. Envy is a close cousin of jealousy and is often used interchangeably by
many for envy but there is a difference between the two. Envy is always wrong
but there is a right and wrong kind of jealousy. By understanding the right and
wrong kind of jealousy we can understand the difference between envy and
jealousy. I quote again from Why Do I Do What I Don’t Want To Do? by William
Backus & Marie Chapian:
“Certain jealousy may be sinful, and yet other times it
may be the appropriate desire to keep what is yours to yourself. It may be
appropriate for a person to be jealous for his spouse. Notice we don't use the
word ‘suspicious.’ ‘Jealous’ and ‘suspicious’ should not be used
interchangeably. Godly jealousy in
marriage refers to a desire to keep united that which God has sacredly united.
[It is an intolerance to unfaithfulness.] There are times when jealousy is not
appropriate—namely, when a thing is not rightfully ours. Jealousy, then, to be
a godly emotion, must be motivated by the desire to guard what is rightfully
ours. Envy is a different matter. Envy has nothing to do with what we already
have. The envious person is worried about what somebody else has. [It’s
essentially the same thing as covetousness.] The envious person cannot tolerate
somebody's having something he or she wants and cannot have...
“[Envy]
can easily be diagnosed: If you feel miserable when you see the success of
somebody else, you have it. (Or if you feel satisfaction from another's
misfortune, you have it.)...The envious person cannot tolerate somebody's
having something he or she wants and cannot have.
“It
really does not make any difference at all if somebody is better off than you
are. It does not make any difference if someone has things you want or is
possibly more talented than you. There will always be someone with an ability,
trait, character disposition, skill or knowledge that you do not have. You can
enjoy your life in spite of that. Our value as people comes through God. He has
made us; He has loved us; He has redeemed us. That is why we have value and why
nobody is inferior. When you understand this, you can become a friend instead
of an enemy to yourself” (p.63-72).
The Handbook of Bible Application
makes the following comments about envy and its antidote - contentment:
“Envying
others is a useless exercise because God is able to provide everything we
really need, even if He does not always give us everything we want. To stop
coveting, we need to practice being content with what we have. The apostle Paul
emphasizes the significance of contentment in Philippians
4:11. It's a matter of perspective. Instead of thinking
about what we don't have, we should thank God for what he has given and strive
to be content. After all, our most important possession is....available to
everyone - eternal life through Christ” (p.191).
Anger
Anger is an emotional reaction of hostility that brings personal displeasure, either to ourselves or to someone else. Anger does not have to lead to sin (Ephesians 4:26). Jesus became angry when He drove the money changers out of the Temple but He did not sin (Matthew 21:12-13). There is a place for righteous indignation. Christians are right to be upset about sin and injustice and should take a stand against them. Make sure your anger is directed toward the right issues. Often though, our anger comes from jealousy and from things simply not going our way.
Many people have struggled
with having a bad temper. A good example of this is the former tennis player
John McEnroe. His outbursts became legendary. Why was there so much anger that
came out whenever he felt wronged? He took those real or supposed wrongs far
too seriously. Such anger is very closely connected to selfishness - a desire
to always have things go your way. He lacked tolerance when he was “wronged”.
We need a graciousness to accept things when circumstances go against us.
Proverbs 16:32 tells us “He who is slow
to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he
who takes a city.” It can take a lot of self-control to control one’s temper
but the consequences in terms of damage to relationships and physical property
can be disastrous if we don’t control our temper. Proverbs 19:11 says: “The
discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to
overlook a transgression.” In God’s eyes it is a glory to be big enough to
overlook an offence when someone provokes us. Proverbs
15:1 has this advice for defusing arguments that often lead to anger:
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
We often tend to be more irritable
and more prone to losing our temper when deep down we’re not all that happy
with how our life is going. Those negative feelings towards the state of our
life can easily play into Satan’s hands needing little to trigger off an outburst
of anger (Ephesians
4:26-27). To counter this we need to have a more positive attitude
towards life which can be developed by developing faith in God’s ability to
work things out in our life. We should consciously be more thankful and focus
our minds on positive things (Philippians 4:8) to
help develop a more positive attitude towards life which will help counteract
irritability and help make us less prone to losing our temper.
Greed
The fourth deadly sin is that of greed. There is a
right and wrong desire to have more possessions and other things in life. The
wrong desire to have more is what we call greed. Greed refuses to be denied
anything it wants to possess. Greed is where we want too much, where we want to
have more at the expense of others, where we want more than we can reasonably
afford and where we are obsessed with possessions much more than character
growth and building good relationships with people.
Greed is an excessive desire
for possessions and intangible things such as power and other things. Greed is
one manifestation of a greater problem called selfishness where we want our own
way and we’ll do whatever we want irregardless of how it impacts and hurts
others.
“The
deadly sin of greed has one lie upon which hinge all others. That lie is,
‘Having 'X' would be good for me and I must have it.’ Greed tells me that
whatever my eye takes a fancy to should belong to me because it would be good
to have it. I believe I can never be happy unless I have 'X'…We must discern
greed from desire. Desire is a gift from God. Life without desire is a dull and
futile life; psychologists say that without desire a person will not even get
out of bed in the morning. Without desire, life stops…Greed refuses to be
denied the thing it wants to possess. Desire, on the other hand, is not
troubled by the lack of that thing” (Why Do I Do What I Don’t Want
To Do?, p.89, 97-98).
Sloth
Deadly
sin number five is that of sloth, which is an old English word for laziness.
Laziness is that trait of avoiding or being disinclined to work.
“There's
a difference between leisure and laziness. Relaxation and recreation provide
a necessary and much needed balance to our lives; but when it is time to work,
Christians should jump right in. We should make the most of our talent and
time, doing all we can to provide for ourselves and our dependents. Rest when
you should be resting, and work when you should be working” (The Handbook of Bible Application,
p.376)
Charles Swindoll in his book “Active Spirituality” has this to say about laziness:
“‘The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage, but everyone who
is hasty comes surely to poverty’ (Proverbs
21:5).
Then why don't we always overrule Sluggard and give the nod to Diligence?
Why do we opt for procrastination more often than not? I have thought about
that a lot (even while sitting here, realising I needed to get at it). Here
are my conclusions:
-
Either we set goals that were unwise or unrealistic or
-
We attempted to do something that was not God's will or
-
We allowed Sluggard to win when he arm-wrestled Diligence!
“So?
Surprisingly, Solomon says we need to take a trip out to an anthill. In fact,
God commands us to! ‘Go to the ant, O sluggard. Observe her ways and be wise’
[Proverbs 6:6]. They don't need some superintendent
over them. They get the essentials done first. They work ahead of time so
they can relax later. They do it all without fanfare or applause” (p.116).
We
need to see the benefits of getting in and doing what we know we should.
Sometimes we need to put some pressure on ourself until we get some momentum
going and we are more in the mood to do what we should be doing.
Lust
The
sixth deadly sin is, arguably, the hardest of all to overcome. We know it as
lust. Lust has destroyed many a man, including many men of God. That said, we
have to remember that it is not a male problem only as it takes two to tango.
When God lists group of sins in the New Testament you will find adultery and
fornication are often the first sins that God lists.
The Handbook of Bible
Application has this to say about lust in its section on the subject of sex:
“Sex
outside marriage always hurts somebody. Some people argue that it is all right
to break God's law against sexual sin if nobody gets hurt. In truth, somebody
always gets hurt. Spouses are devastated. Children are scarred. The partners
themselves, even if they escape disease and unwanted pregnancy, lose their
ability to fulfil commitments, to feel sexual desire, to trust, and to be
entirely open with another person. God's laws are not arbitrary. They do not
forbid good, clean fun; rather, they warn us against destroying ourself through
unwise actions or running ahead of God's time.
“God
created sex to be a beautiful and essential ingredient of marriage, but sexual
sin—sex outside the marriage relationship—always hurts someone. It hurts God
because it shows that we prefer following our own desires instead of the
leading of the Holy Spirit. It hurts others because it violates the commitment
so necessary to a relationship. It often brings disease to our body. And it
deeply affects our personality, which responds in anguish when we harm ourself
physically and spiritually.
“Lust
must not be an excuse for sexual sin. Some think that if lustful thoughts are
sin, why shouldn't a person go ahead with the lustful actions too? Acting out
sinful desires is harmful in several ways: (1) it causes people to excuse sin
rather than to stop sinning; (2) it destroys marriages; (3) it is deliberate
rebellion against God's Word; and (4) it always hurts someone else in addition
to the sinner. Sinful action is more dangerous than sinful desire, and that is
why desires should not be acted out. Nevertheless, sinful desire is just as
damaging to righteousness. Left unchecked, wrong desires will result in wrong
actions and turn people away from God” (p.568-569).
William Backus and Marie
Chapian in their book “Why Do I Do What I Don’t To Do?” makes these comments
about lust:
“When
the sin of lust runs free, some of the misbeliefs in residence are, ‘I am
not hurting anybody by what I do,’ and ‘I deserve something good and so I'll
take what I think is good.’ These are what Potiphar's wife believed as she
tried to unleash her lust on Joseph (Genesis
39).
He was busy minding his business, managing the house of Potiphar while she
was fantasizing about and lusting after him. She finally propositioned Joseph.
He recognized immediately the lies of lust and responded, ‘How then can I
do this great wickedness, and sin against God?’ Joseph was determined to hold
to God's truth” (p.117).
Put as much distance between yourself and sexually stimulating things
as possible. Take Paul’s words to “flee fornication” (1 Corinthians 6:18) seriously.
Be on guard at all times especially when you’re feeling down which lowers
your resistance to sin and willingness to put the hard stuff in to overcome
it.
Do as
Job did – “I have made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl”
(Job 31:1). Commit yourself that you
will not look lustfully and that you will focus on Christ and His way anytime
you are sexually stimulated.
Gluttony
On
this subject the apostle Paul writes: “Do
you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of
God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him.
For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are...For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God
in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” (1
Corinthians 3:16-17, 6:20). Paul tells us that because we have God’s
spirit in us our bodies are holy to God - set apart for His purpose.
Now because our bodies are holy to God we should honour God by looking
after our bodies. The main thrust of his argument is not to dishonour God in
our bodies by committing fornication or any other immoral sexual act but the
principle is broader than that. We should honour God by keeping ourselves in
reasonable shape physically, keeping ourselves healthy and not abuse it through
such practices as overeating or gluttony, drunkenness, smoking and substance
abuse. By doing those practices we break the principle of glorifying God in our
bodies.
The seven deadly sins are only the major sinful
attitudes. There are others which Paul calls the works of the flesh. In Galatians 5:19-21 Paul lists a number of these
sins. “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery,
fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions,
jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy,
murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand,
just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such
things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”
The
key to winning the battle over sin is simple: We must feed our spiritual nature
and starve the sinful one. On this topic I’d like to quote from an article
called “How You Can Overcome Sin’s Deadly Power” by Richard Rice. In it he writes:
Feed The Spiritual Nature
“Just
as our physical body needs daily food to sustain energy, strength and health,
so it is with our spiritual life. We need spiritual food to derive the strength
to fight our foes. Here are some practical steps that will provide us with a
concentrated diet of spiritual food:
“-
Bible study. Jesus Christ said, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by
every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God’ (Matthew
4:4). Our purpose in Bible study should be to so saturate
our minds with God's thoughts that we will instantly be ready to combat Satan,
the world and our own flesh.
“By
filling our hearts and minds with the Word of God, we will reinforce our ability
to resist the forces of evil and to strive steadily toward God's Kingdom.
We are to be literally washed by the Word of God (Ephesians 5:26).
“-
Prayer. We must be in a constant state of prayer. Paul told the Romans to
continue ‘instant [constantly diligent] in prayer’ (Romans
12:12). In order for God's strength and life to flow into
us, it's imperative that we keep in daily contact with God. Our spiritual
strength is thus renewed each day (2
Corinthians 4:16).
If we walk closely with God, God will give us the help to conquer.
“-
Meditation. David found that meditating on God's law day and night was one
of his greatest sources of strength: ‘O how love I thy law! it is my meditation
all the day. Thou through thy commandments hast made we wiser than mine enemies:
for they are ever with me. I have more understanding than all my teachers:
for thy testimonies are my meditation’ (Psalm
119:97-99).
“Meditation,
coupled with the power of God's Holy Spirit, opens for us new realms of
understanding. Meditation is a process of assimilating the Word of God, the
bread of life. The more our minds are filled with spiritual truth, the less
room there will be for Satan to enter.
“-
Sermons and Bible studies. God's ministry is commissioned to feed God's flock
(John 21:15-17). God's ministers have been
specially trained to expound and enlarge the meaning of the Scriptures. When
we attend services with a keen desire to learn God's truth, we will discover
rich gems of knowledge—tools of spiritual warfare—we could never find on our
own (Romans 10:14).
“-
Fellowship with God's people. Frequent fellowship with brethren of like faith
provides a wealth of spiritual food and motivation. Hebrews
3:13 commands, ‘But exhort one another daily, while it
is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of
sin.’
“We
must always strive to keep our fellowship and conversation positive, edifying
and encouraging each other at every opportune moment (Galatians 6:1-2, 6,
10). By mingling with brethren
who are close to God and filled with His Spirit, we will absorb much spiritual
strength (Romans
1:11-12).
“-
God's Holy Spirit. The bottom line to winning the victory over sin and Satan
lies with God's Holy Spirit, where we get our true power for battle (Ephesians 3:16-20,
Romans 8:1-4).
Ephesians 5:18 commands us to ‘be filled
with the Spirit.’
“In
every prayer, we should ask God to give us a renewed supply of His Spirit. When
we are filled with God's Spirit, there remains no place for sin to enter or
Satan to work.
Starve Sin And Satan
“The
secret to conquering our sinful nature is to cut off its ‘food supply’. In
other words, we must starve it to death. To the degree that we accomplish this
feat—starving our sinful nature, but feeding the spiritual— we will overcome
and win the victory over sin.
“Here
are steps to overcoming sin:
“-
Bring every thought into captivity. Paul exhorts us to bring ‘into captivity
every thought to the obedience of Christ’ (2
Corinthians 10:5). This requires a high degree of discipline.
“Guard
the door of your mind and examine every thought. Allow nothing to enter except
what is pure and clean in God's eyes (Philippians
4:8). Follow the lead of God's Spirit and develop a right
conscience. Don't rationalize with temptation, but crush it immediately. Keep
up your defences at all times (Proverbs
16:32)
and look to God for help.
“-
Flee from temptation. We are commanded to ‘Flee fornication’ (1 Corinthians 6:18). Jesus Christ revealed the
urgency of getting away from sin in His instruction to pluck out our eye or
cut off our right hand if they tempt us to sin (Matthew
5:29-30). Of course, He was using a powerful figure of speech;
He did not mean we should literally cut off our hand or pluck out our eye.
Our hands and eyes only obey our mind and do not by themselves lead us into
sin.
“Colossians 3:5 shows what Jesus was
literally telling us to cut out. We should either remove ourselves immediately
from the scene of temptation or take whatever means are necessary to choke off
the power of temptation's influence.
“Do
you take a second or third look at something or some situation that you know to
be wrong? If so, you are feeding your sinful nature and playing into the hands
of the enemy. Grab yourself by the collar and run as far away as possible!
Don't look back, leer or linger—quickly cast out the wrong thought.
“-
Control your natural drives. God gave us our five senses to enjoy the good
things of life in a balanced, wholesome way. But when we indulge them to excess,
the power of sin begins to exert itself and take over. God commands us to
be temperate, or moderate, in all things (2
Peter 1:6). Master yourself and never allow physical lusts to
take pre-eminence” (Good News, March 1982).
William Backus and Marie
Chapian in their book “Why Do I Do Want I Don’t Want To Do?” make these very
fine comments on identifying and defeating the lies of sin with the truth of
God:
“Sin depends upon and grows
out of the believing of certain lies. The genesis of sin is untruth. The
genesis of neuroses is also untruth. It is the root of drunkenness as well as
depression, the root of stealing as well as overeating.
“There are two very common lies with which you may be familiar. The first
is "X" is good for me. Sin results from the misbelief that something
contrary to the Word of God is good for you.
"X" can be
stealing from a department store (‘I deserve to have...’); or hitting the kid
next door (‘I can't control myself’); or skipping school when you're not
supposed to (‘It's good for me to do exactly as I please’); or lying to your
wife (‘I must be right. I must please people at all times’); or innumerable
other sins. Sin may seem like something good for you because it will pamper you
in some way, make you feel good, save you from trouble or embarrassment,
flatter you or promote you. If it promotes you, how can God say it isn't good
for you? Certainly God must not understand how tough things are for you.
“Possibly you tell yourself
a particular sin is good for you because you ‘need’ it in your life—you can't
do without it, it is fundamental to your happiness. So you steal that record
from the record department, you lie on your time sheet at work or cheat on your
income tax because you believe ‘it's good for me.’
“The second common untruth is, I can't help myself. This sin says, ‘I've
got to do it. I am helpless to stop myself. The temptation is bigger than I
am.’
“How many times have you
forsaken your diet and eaten some fattening mess even though you knew you
shouldn't because you said, ‘Oh, I just can't help myself’? Some people have
given up and started smoking again because they have told themselves, ‘I can't
make it. I'm too weak to be able to quit cigarettes.’ Some people have even
committed adultery believing the same kind of lie.
“So "X" looks good
for today. You're only human, after all. And you just don't have any
resistance; surely God can understand that. (You really don't want resistance
because you'd rather believe "X" is good for you.) [Just because
something feels good doesn’t mean that it is good or right]
“This is how sin deceives.
And according to Romans 7, sin kills. "X" is not good for you.
"X" is lethal. It kills. Jesus met "X" with the truth. The
devil came to Him and said, ‘Making bread out of stones is good for you. It
will prove you're the Son of God. No one will doubt you after that.’ Satan also
tried to convince Jesus that jumping off the temple's pinnacle was good for
Him. He told Him, ‘It will prove to the people you really are the Messiah. What
can it hurt? It will be good for you because then I'll give you the kingdom
without the cross.’
“Jesus met every temptation
by challenging its accompanying lie. He said in effect, ‘That isn't true,
Satan. The truth is, thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.’ Jesus demonstrated
by His example that we should live only by the words that proceed out of the
mouth of God. We can take the first step toward defeating temptation by
refusing to put ourselves into a place where we listen to Satan's lies”
(p.39-40).
In Romans 2:14-15
Paul wrote: “When Gentiles, who do not have the law, by nature do the things in
the law, these, although not having the law, are a law to themselves, who show
the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing
witness, and between themselves their thoughts accusing or else excusing
them.”
The Nelson’s New Illustrated
Bible Dictionary defines our conscience as “a person’s inner awareness of conforming to the will
of God or departing from it, resulting in either a sense of approval or
condemnation.” Many people say that you should follow your conscience to do
what is right. That is right to a degree but our conscience is not the ultimate
authority of what is right and wrong – God’s law is. We need to have an
educated conscience. Our understanding of what is right and wrong needs to
conform with what is in the Bible.
A good example of a situation of a miseducated
conscience is found in 1
Corinthians 8. It was customary in Corinth after meat was slaughtered
that it was offered to idols in pagan temples and then afterwards it was sold
in the local meat market. In verse
4 he says that an idol is not a real god and following on from
that, there was nothing wrong if you ate the meat sold after. However, he
says if you are having dinner with non-christian and a new christian is also
there who doesn’t know it is OK or still feels it’s wrong to eat the meat
because of the association with the idol, then you should refrain from eating
it for new member’s sake. If you don’t and he goes against his conscience
by also eating it that might lead him to going against his conscience with
other things that really are wrong (1 Corinthians 8:7-10).
In 1 Timothy 4:2
Paul spoke about people who have gone against their conscience so much by
“speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot
iron.” They no longer have any feelings of guilt even though they know what
they are doing is wrong. This makes it incredibly difficult for them to repent
and this is why you have to careful not to go against your conscience.
We are led by God’s spirit (Romans 8:14).
God’s spirit doesn’t force us to do anything but it does work with our conscience
as that still small “voice” from God that helps motivate us to do the right
thing. There’s a battle that goes on in our minds all the time. God’s spirit
will motivate us to be patient with some guy who’s really giving us a hard
time. If we say “I know I should be patient with this guy but…” and then we
act on the but we have poured a little bit of water on the spirit. The more
we do that the more we quench God’s spirit (1
Thessalonians 5:19). We need to act on the first part that
tells us to do the right thing and ignore the but whatever if we are to grow
in God’s character and have more of God’s spirit.
The
reason we have this struggle is because, even though we are often at the
academic level convinced that sin hurts, we often waver in our belief deep down
in our hearts that sin is bad for us and is going to hurt us. Deep down we
believe that the benefits of whatever sin we are enticed outweigh the hurt that
it will produce.
Paul acknowledged that there is pleasure in sin when he
wrote that Moses gave up "the passing pleasures of sin" (Hebrews 11:25).
The passing pleasures, as Paul calls them, that are in sin inevitably lead
to kickbacks which hurt more than the pleasure.
Satan's subtlety and deception
is in regularly being able to convince us into looking at sin from a selective
viewpoint - focusing on the pleasure more than the inevitable kickback that
follows just around the corner.
Sin often has a short-term pleasure and long-term pain.
God's way most of the time has short-term and long-term pleasure but sometimes
it involves short-term pain with long-term pleasure - eg. a young man having to
wait until marriage for sex.
God's way quite often involves self-discipline but we
need to remember that the pain of regret is much more painful than the pain of
discipline. That realization should make us want to put in the work that is
involved in self-discipline to avoid the regret of giving in to the temptations
of sin.
Because
we are so often morally lazy we all too often take the path of least
resistance. It takes work to do the right thing when we are tempted and we are
often too lazy to put in that work. When we are physically lethargic or
mentally and emotionally exhausted we are vulnerable to the temptations of sin
that come from Satan, the world and our own desires.
Another reason we vacillate between doing what is right
and wrong is by taking a gambling perspective. Ron Dart puts this very well in
an article called "True Conversion" where he writes:
"'I call heaven and earth to record this day against
you,' said God through Moses, ‘that I have set before you life and death,
blessing and cursing: therefore choose life that both you and your seed may
live' (Deuteronomy
30:19). What this means is that God has left it within our
power to choose death. But why would we do a thing like that? Who, knowing
the choice he is making, would choose death?
"I
suspect it is because most of us think that we are only taking a chance with
death. We would not deliberately choose death over life, but we will gamble
with death in order to pursue what we want.
“Everyone knows that, across the averages, smokers die
much younger that non-smokers. But, we say to ourselves, there are exceptions.
Perhaps there is something else at work. Maybe I can beat the odds…
"It is curious that we
should think that baptism changes everything. It only changes one thing. We go
down in the waters of baptism guilty of every sin in the book. We come up out
of the waters innocent. THAT IS ALL! Unfortunately, we are still the same
person. We still have almost exactly the same character, the same weaknesses,
the same lusts, the same failings. We are ready to receive the Holy Spirit and
the power to begin to turn our life around...
"Most people will agree that they notice little
change in their appetites after conversion. Some have confessed to being more
tempted after baptism than they were before. Instead of the spiritual process
becoming easier, it becomes harder. The problem is this - it is our response to
our appetites that has to change, not the appetites themselves. Our desires may
abate over time, but there is no overnight change - at least in most cases.
Things that felt good before still feel good. Things that you craved before are
still desirable to you.
"People have occasionally written to ask us to pray
that God would take away their desire for cigarettes. Now, it may be that God
will perform a miracle and take away the craving for nicotine. But why should
He take away your sense of smell and taste? If you really like the smell and
taste of a cigarette, should God change all of that to where you hate it? Must
all the laws of nature be changed to make it easy for us to overcome?
"I hate to disillusion anyone, but if God had
intended to make it easy for us to overcome sin, we would have been out of the
woods long ago. Could it be that He is willing that it should be hard work to
overcome sin? Could it be that the way God changes us into what He wants us to
be is through the hard knocks of life? In our language, conversion mean change.
When we convert something, we make it into something it was not before. If God
were satisfied with what we are, He would no doubt smooth out the road. But if
He wants to change us into something else, then our old man is going to have to
suffer through the process of change. The primary agent of that change is choice”
(Twentieth Century Watch, Sept. 1994, p.10-12).
Herbert
W. Armstrong used to talk about a fundamental principle to be able to overcome
sin and that is having an attitude of being conquered by God. Now, what does it mean to be conquered by God? To answer
that question, let’s ask another question. What is God’s attitude? Have you
ever stopped to answer that? Does God really want to sin but because He has
such great power He’s able to resist it and He’s so powerful that He doesn’t
give in? Is that what God’s attitude
is? No, that’s not true.
You see sin is absolutely abhorrent to God. God does not want to sin.
God has no such desire to sin. God hates sin more than He hates anything else.
God desires and loves holiness and righteousness. That’s what He loves, that’s
what He desires and that’s what He does.
Now what about you?
Do you have the same attitude God has or do you find yourself wanting to be a
part of this world? If you’re a man do you find yourself wanting to look at
women other than your wife or steal a glance at the pornography in the magazine
rack or watch torrid bedroom scenes on TV and find yourself having to strive
against that desire? You don’t have His attitude if you do. You see if the self
will, the vanity, the resistance to God’s will has never been crushed out of
us, then our will has never been totally surrendered to God’s will.
We cannot want to sin even though we might strive to resist it. We cannot want to sin and hunger and thirst
for God’s righteousness at the same time. We either have one attitude or we
have the other. We cannot have both of
them.
We may be able to stop
smoking, start tithing, begin keeping the holy days and the Sabbath and do a
number of things and resist and fight and strive against our desire to do those
things and force ourselves to do right things and still not have the attitude
God has.
This attitude is
well-illustrated by a story I once heard about three men who applied for a
chauffer’s job and their job was to be a chauffer of a very important rich
magnate and they called them all in one after another and tested them over and
over again and they came down to just three men. They’d eliminated all the rest
and so they decided to find out which one would be best at protecting the life
of the man riding in the back seat so they asked them all one question and they
took them out to a gravel road which came right around to the edge of a cliff.
They asked them, “How close
could you drive to the edge of that cliff and still be safe?” The first one looked
at it, though about it and said, “Four inches” The second one after being asked
the same question said, “Six inches” Then they called the third one and asked
him the same question, “How close could you drive to the edge of that cliff and
still be safe? We want to know if you’re a good enough driver to protect the
man we’re going to have you drive around.” The man looked at it and said, “
wouldn’t go closer than six feet.” He said, I’d probably be crazy to do that
but I wouldn’t even go closer than twelve feet.” And then they said to him,
“O.K. you’re the one who’s got the job.”
That’s the way we’ve got to be with God’s law. The man said, ‘I’m going
to keep as far from that cliff as I possibly can. I’m not going to be that
foolish.’ We’ve got to realize that we too have got to have that same attitude
towards sin.
Now
if you have been totally conquered by God you will want His ways. You will find
you won’t have to struggle against the desire for what this world has to offer.
You’ll hate sin. We’re talking about something which comes after years of
seeking God. Jesus Christ never sinned, not because He had the willpower not to
but because He hates sin and God says in Philippians
2:5 to let Christ’s mind be in you and if you will seek
it you will be able to put sin out of your life.
6] What are the fruits of the spirit?
The Apostle Paul in the book
of Galatians wrote that fruit of God’s Spirit “is love, joy, peace, longsuffering
(patience), gentleness (kindness), goodness, faith, meekness (humility),
temperance (self-control): against such there is no law” (Galatians
5:22-23).
These attitudes or fruits as
Paul calls them are part and parcel of what God’s nature is. They are the
attitudes pre ll truly converted christians as they are all a part of
the way of outflowing love and concern for other people. These qualities are called fruit. They mature with time, and so
someone who has these qualities in abundance should be like a good wine getting
better and better with time.
Love
In the English language there is the one word love. In the Greek
language, the language of the New Testament, three different words translate
into the English word love.
The first word is "eros". It forms the root of our English
word erotic. It is desire. It is romantic sexual love. The second kind of love
comes from the Greek word "philia". Again you may recognize the
meaning ‑ for example, the name of the city of Philadelphia means the
city of brotherly love. Philia is friendship, companionship, the physical as
well as emotional sharing of time and interests. It shows a desire to co‑operate.
There is yet another Greek word that explains the deep and spiritual
meaning of love. The word is "agape". Agape is a love of total
commitment. Agape is total giving love. It is where there is no self‑interest.
We put another's needs ahead of ours even if we don't feel like it or it's
inconvenient. Agape is not a natural love. Agape is the Greek word that is used
to describe God’s love for all of us and it is from God and His spirit where we
can receive this “agape” love of God.
Herbert W. Armstrong used to define our English word “love” as AN UNSELFISH, OUTGOING CONCERN FOR OTHERS. Let’s look at the three parts of that
definition to see what we can learn from it about this fruit of God’s spirit.
The first point is that LOVE
IS UNSELFISH. It must have unselfish motives. Some people pursue
friendships out of selfish motives and take rather than give. Some
psychologists maintain that no one ever acts from purely ultraistic motives,
because we rarely give to a relationship without receiving something in return.
We do, however, have control in consciously establishing our motives for
friendship.
Love
doesn’t give in order to get back. It gives purely out of concern to serve the
other person. We can put ourselves to the test. Analyse your motives when you
give to others your time in friendship, conversation, service and physical
things. You may be surprised if you are honest, as I still am at times, just
how much we're motivated to do things out of our own interests whether it's
being with the people we want to be with or getting physical rewards,
friendship or whatever in return back.
The second point of Mr
Armstrong’s definition is that LOVE IS OUTGOING. It
must manifest itself in a pattern of good works and not just be good
intentions.
In Proverbs 27:5 God says: “Open
love is better than love carefully concealed.” It's better to actually rebuke
someone in a proper spirit when it's needed than to have love and concern that
is merely in your heart. Our love can't merely be good intentions – it has to
be outgoing!
In 1 Timothy 6:18 we read the
following. Breaking into Paul’s commands to Timothy for those who are
financially well off he says: “Let them do good, that they may be RICH in good
works, ready to give, willing to share.”
Now what about us? Are we
RICH in good works? If I were to ask you to write a list down of all the good
works that you had done in the last couple of weeks how many things could you
come up with? Could you come up with more than a couple of items?
In Luke 6:32 Jesus Christ in the
Sermon on the Mount said: “But if you love those that love you, what credit is
that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to
those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the
same.”
Here is a real litmus test for a christian. We can ask ourselves some
hard questions – Is our love merely limited to our own small circle of friends?
Is it limited to giving only when it is convenient to us? If it is, then Christ
quite bluntly says here that our conversion really is not much better than that
of the pagans and sinners of the world.
If we have true outgoing love we’ll extend ourself beyond our own
personal comfort zone and give to those we wouldn’t naturally associate with,
along with those who are closest to us.
It's perfectly natural for people to associate in smaller groups with
people who have similar interests to us. Such smaller groups are needed to get
to know others on a more personal level. It's only when these groups become
exclusive cliques does it become wrong. Do we include others in our group
activities other than our same closest friends from time to time? God’s love is
inclusive bringing others in to enjoy what we are able to enjoy when we can.
Terrorists in some parts of the world do many
random acts of violence and senseless acts of destruction. A bumper sticker has
turned this phrase into something wonderful. It reads: “Do random acts of
kindness and senseless acts of beauty.”
In a sermon on the subject of doing random acts of kindness many years
ago the minister mentioned an act of kindness that sort of doubles as a
pratical joke which I always wanted to try out. I remember the first time I
tried it out. I was coming back from Redcliffe and I got to the toll gate of
the Gateway Bridge, pulled out $4 and said to the toll attendant that I’m
paying for myself and the guy behind me. I drove off with my eyes glued to the
rear view mirror just waiting to see the reaction. Talk about confusion! It
took ages before the driver behind me finally accepted it and drove off. It was
quite a funny scene.
Paul tells us in
Ephesians 5:2 that we are to walk in
love. Someone I know made the comment that the word walk here could be better
translated as “lifestyle”. Our lifestyle should be that of outgoing acts of
love.
Now, the third and final part
of Mr Armstrong’s definition is that LOVE IS ALSO BEING CONCERNED. What do we mean concern? Our concerns or cares
are those things we think about. Are our minds focused just on our daily
pursuits and having fun or do we think a lot about others?
We read in Matthew 15:19-20
about how what comes out of the heart defiles a man referring to all sorts of
wrong attitudes which lead to sinful actions. The process works for good also.
If we think about giving to others a lot more then we are more likely to act on
those thoughts. As I said before, planning good things to brighten up people’s
day or helping out others can give great pleasure and be a lot of fun at times.
Are we just living for ourselves or is giving to God and to others a big part
of what drives us in our life?
Herbert W. Armstrong used to describe the two broad ways of life in the
Bible very simply as the way of give and the way of get. How do we move from
the way of get to the way of give?
One answer can be found in Isaiah 32:8
where we read: "The generous devises generous things and by generosity he
shall stand." The generous person devises or plans his giving. That is, he
or she, sits down and makes an active plan for giving. Think of opportunities,
occasions and situations where you intend to live the way of give.
Plan regular opportunities to give hospitality. They're giving
experiences that we need. Maybe once a month or more often as we are able. Plan
things in your prayer time, especially plenty of intercessory prayer for
others. When you ask God to bless someone who is sick, who is weak, who is
depressed you have given them time. It's a reflection of the way of give.
Plan to see those who are sick or elderly. Plan to talk to new members,
visitors or those who need someone to talk to or someone who you haven't talked
to for a while. If you are a young man plan to give through dating. Plan to use
your resources ‑ your money or whatever to give to others and, finally,
plan to increase your offerings as time goes by.
From a
kind word, an encouraging note, a thoughtful gesture, an ear to listen, or an
expression of appreciation, to a sacrifice of time, energy or convenience, love
is a way of life. And it is a way of life that is not out for recognition. It
does what it does because it feels it. And it feels it because it believes in
it, and is led by God's spirit that comes from the God who is love.
The all‑time classic passage
of scripture that describes what love is like is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4‑7. Let's take a
different look at this wonderful passage by substituting the word love with
“friend”:
A
friend is patient, a friend is kind, a friend does not envy nor is vain or
puffed up, a friend does not behave rudely, a friend is not selfish or easily
provoked, a friend thinks no evil, a friend does not rejoice in iniquity, but
rejoices in the truth and a friend bears all things, believes all things, hopes
all things and endures all things.
Joy
Joy
and happiness are similar but not the same. Joy is a calmness and thankfulness
that God is in control whether your circumstances are good or bad while
happiness is feeling good and excited about the way your life is (James 1:2, 1 Peter 4:12-13). Happiness comes
from the word happenings which are sometimes good and sometimes bad. Trails are
part of a christian’s life (Acts 14:22)
but along with the trials that God allows to help build our character there are
also times of peace and happiness. How do we develop more joy and happiness in
our lives?
“Money can solve the problem
of paying your light bill or the problem of buying groceries but it cannot
solve your marital problems, your problem of depression, your problem with your
teenagers or your friends. In fact many times money can cause a whole new set
of problems that the person with meager means does not face. As Christ said: ‘A
man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he posseseth’ (Luke 12:15).
“We live in the get
generation. But happiness is not something you can get for yourself by pursuing
it or trying to grab it from someone else. Indeed the very act of trying to get
happiness for yourself drives it away because God designed life to work to our good
only when we operate on the principle of giving rather than getting (Acts 20:35). Happiness is not something you can
get for yourself. It is something that comes to you automatically but only when
you obey the principles of life that produce it” (Good News, May 1982, article
“How to be Truly Happy”).
The first pillar of
happiness is an understanding of why you were born and of God’s great plan for
all mankind to become a part of His great family. The apostle Peter talks about
the hope that lies within us in 1 Peter 3:15.
In Psalm 146:5 we read: “Happy is he who has the God
of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God.” We have the great God as our Lord. We know why we
were born and where we are going. And we can know true happiness as a result.
God
wants us to enjoy life. Jesus said: “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it
MORE abundantly” (John 10:10). The
apostle John wrote: “Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be
in health, just as your soul prospers” (3 John 2).
God will bless us physically when we can spiritually handle it. Certainly in
the Kingdom we will have more riches than we can ever dream of if we are not
wealthy in this life but one doesn’t need wealth to be happy and joyful.
Another
pillar of happiness is a close loving family. The companionship and love of a strong family
relationship not only picture God's future Family in which God Himself will
find great happiness but serve as a foundational pillar of happiness in our own
life.
The
next pillar of happiness is a satisfying challenging job, role or career in
which you can give by contributing of yourself. Solomon saw the value of work.
“Nothing is better for a man than
that he should eat and drink, and that his soul should enjoy good in
his labor” (Ecclesiastes
2:24). He
understood that men and women were made to be productive and to give something
to their society. But be careful. Your job or other responsibilities in life
will only give happiness if your efforts are aimed at contributing instead
of taking and your job or career doesn’t take away from your family or other
significant relationships.
The
very process of growing in character leads to happiness and satisfaction. This
is because God designed the character-building process to produce a sense of
accomplishment and satisfaction - and happiness. By avoiding sin and getting
rid of bad habits we avoid doing the things in life that will lead to pain and
unhappiness.
On
the subject of spiritual goals I had a few interesting thoughts one time when I
was preparing a teen Bible study on the proverbs dealing with success. Proverbs 13:19 says that "the desire
accomplished (a goal achieved) is sweet to the soul: but it is abomination to
fools to depart from evil." I was wondering why fools hating to improve
themselves and depart from evil was contrasted with the sweetness of achieving
your goals. Then I had the thought that Solomon was actually speaking of the
sweetness of achieving your spiritual goals such as overcoming a bad habit or
developing more of the fruits of God's spirit in your life.
I had a very interesting experience when we moved house a few years ago. I came
into the church when I was 16 and it has always been my custom on the back of
my prayer list to write a list of my spiritual goals (sins to get rid of,
etc.). When we moved house I ran across one of these lists I wrote soon after I
had come into the church as a teenager. It made for very interesting reading.
Some of them I had conquered a long time ago and I felt pretty good about that.
Others made me think, "Oh boy, I can't believe that I'm still working on
that one" and then there were others that made me think, "Man, I
can't ever remember having a problem with that one!" It was quite a funny
experience to not even remember some of those problems I used to have. I guess
that's a positive since if I can't remember them I must have overcome them.
Doing good works is a powerful builder of happiness. King Solomon wrote: "He who despises his neighbor sins; but he who has mercy on the poor, happy is he" (Proverbs 14:21). Doing good works brings us happiness for more than one reason. When we do good works, we practice God's character, for God is the giver of every good gift (James 1:17). When we imitate God, we gain the happiness that comes from being like God and living the way of outgoing concern.
In Ecclesiastes 9:10 we read: “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it
with your might.” While there is a time for leisure, relaxation and having fun
we should also try to busily build in every aspect of our lives - our
education, our physical bodies, our homes, our yards and our physical goods. We
should be the example of busy building activity - whether it be in activities
of God's Church, of our families, of our homes or of our possessions. Such
accomplishment and achievement will add much enjoyment and satisfaction to our
lives.
Another important
about how to develop joy and happiness in our life is to have a positive
attitude. How happy we feel has a lot to do with our attitude in life. If we
are negative and focus on what we don’t have even when our circumstances are
quite good in comparison to others then we won’t feel happy.
Paul tells us how to
have a positive attitude to life in Philippians
4:6-8 where he writes: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication,
with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of
God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds
through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever
things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are
pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good
report, if there is any virtue and if there is
anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”
In Ecclesiastes 11:9 we read: ”Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the
days of your youth." If you'd like to learn ski‑ing go on one
of those ski package tours. Have the exhilaration of ski‑ing down the
slopes. Go out and enjoy yourself. Broaden your talents, your horizons, travel
around and get involved in all sorts of fun activities and sports and whatever
you like with the right kind of financial common sense.
"But
know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment" (Ecclesiastes 11:9).
Be careful that as you're having a good time that you keep God's laws. Yes,
you can get caught up in a wrong sexual relationship with a girl. A girl at
work may give you the eye and you may start to be tempted to date her outside
the church and possibly leave yourself as a result. This
is a volatile time also ‑ a time to keep your wits about you and keep
close to God but have a good time because God tells you to!
Peace
What is peace? Peace is calmness
and an absence of conflict which can be manifest conflict or inner conflict.
Christ in the Sermon on the Mount said: “Blessed are the peacemakers”
(Matthew
5:9).
Not only do we need to learn how to prevent conflict but we also need to learn
how to resolve conflict.
Josh McDowall in his book “The Secret of Loving” writes: “It is more
rewarding to resolve a conflict than to dissolve a relationship. Of course, it
is much easier just to walk away than to put forth the effort to resolve a
conflict. But the reward of staying is that every time you resolve a conflict
you come out a better person—better able to deal with the inevitable conflicts
the future will bring” (p.103).
Not only do we become better people who are more capable of resolving
conflicts and more sensitive to others’ feelings but often our friendships can
be even stronger. Often people become much closer when they have resolved
conflict between them.
“Humility precedes peace.
Humility is the opposite of pride. And pride breeds contention (Proverbs 13:10). ‘Depart from evil, and do good;
seek peace, and pursue it’ (Psalm 34:14).
God tells us to consciously avoid evil, to seek and pursue peace. ‘When a man's
ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him’ (Proverbs 16:7)…
"’Great peace have
those who love Your law, and nothing causes them to stumble’ (Psalm 119:165). Not only will you enjoy peace
among your friends, but God can cause even your enemies - those who despise
you, gossip about you and assassinate your character - to be at peace with you.
"’The beginning of
strife is like releasing water; therefore stop contention before a quarrel
starts’ (Proverbs 17:14). Nip contention
in the bud before it gains a head of steam. Humility is the key…Proverbs 15:1 tells us: ‘A soft answer turns away
wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger’…
“He commands us to ‘do good
to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith’ - to other
members of God's Church (Galatians 6:10).
This promotes peace…Don't forget your immediate family. This is where you
start. Practice peacemaking with them first, last and always. Overcoming in
this area will make it much easier to make peace outside your home” (Good News,
May-June 1988, Article: “You Can Have Peace of Mind”).
There are four scenarios
which deal with problems. Let’s look at them and how to deal with each of them.
1) When we've done something
wrong to another person. When we have we need
the humility to admit the mistake, apologize and make sure not to repeat it.
Jesus
said in Matthew 5:23‑24: "If you bring your gift to the altar and there
remember that your brother has something against you, leave the gift there at
the altar and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come
and offer your gift". We don't bring gifts to the altar today. But it is easy
to see the principle. Let's not fool ourselves ‑ we can't carry a right
relationship with God and ignore the fact that we have caused offence and hurt
to someone else. Christ instruction implies that we
should do something about the problem as soon as we're able to ‑ make a
phone call, write a note, pay a visit ‑ get it straightened out.
The apostle Paul said in Ephesians
4:26: "Let not the sun go down on your wrath" or
as the Phillips translation renders it, "Never go to bed angry."
Paul encourages us to solve our conflicts as quickly as it is possible and
not talk ourselves out of being reconciled. We
need humility to be willing to admit our mistakes and apologise (Ephesians
4:1‑3). Then we're to make sure we don't repeat those
mistakes which often can be hard and sometimes we'll fall down on.
Most conflict is generated by
two people. One seldom is all wrong and the other is all right. Conflict
resolution begins with each of us personally understanding our individual parts
in causing the conflict. I remember a minister who once said, "If there is
a conflict and the other person is 99% wrong and you are only 1% wrong you
still have to repent of that 1%."
To admit wrong or guilt is one
of the hardest things we humans do. But if you want to have peaceful relationships
and get along with others, if you want to solve the problems while they are
small ones you will have to see what part you played in the problem. Why should
it be so hard to say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong."
"An apology is a friendship
preserver, an antidote for hatred, never a sign of weakness; it costs nothing
but one's pride, always saves more than it costs, and is a device needed in
every home" (Reader's Digest, April 1979, p.56).
Some people have a pride where
they can’t be seen to be wrong. They have to “save face” and not look bad or
wrong in front of others. This is why some people aren’t prepared to confess
and admit they’ve caused offence sometimes. They have a faulty and irrational
perception. They don’t want to look bad by admitting they are wrong but they
really do look bad in front of others the more they dig in and refuse to admit
they’ve done any wrong. The other person already thinks they have done
something wrong and there’s little chance of them changing their mind.
Politicians are especially
guilty of this irrational logic. If they actually admit they’ve made a mistake
and genuinely go over and above in trying to fix the problem the other person
or persons will think much better of them. This paradox is mentioned in Matthew 23:12 where we read: “Whoever exalts himself (insists he’s right when he’s
not) will be humbled (others will still think less of him), and he who humbles
himself (is prepared to confess his mistake) will be exalted (others will think
better of him, not less of him).
The way that we
respond when people bring things to our attention that need correction and
improvement are a reflection of our character. We can ask the question, “How
responsive am I when someone criticizes me?” Do we defend ourselves and minimize
our problems when we shouldn’t? Do we really try to change and apply any
legitimate criticism, regardless of the attitude of the person who brings it to
our attention?
Do we ignore
someone who wants to bring something to our attention and sweep issues under
the carpet? Our ability to handle correction when it comes to us in all shapes
and forms, both harsh and gentle, is a reflection of our character and
maturity. The more we respond to correction the more we’ll grow in character
because we are prepared to accept the need to change. If we ignore the need to
change then how can we grow in character?
2) When another person has
wronged us.
In this case we need to approach them privately about the problem and show them
the problem with gentleness and love. We should sincerely forgive them when
they do repent.
There are always times when
others will wrong us and we need to confront them about the problem. Jesus
spoke about these occasions in Matthew 18:15‑17
when He said, "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him
his fault alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will
not hear you, take with you one or two more, that by the mouth of two or three
witnesses every word may be established. And if he refuses to hear them, tell
it to the church."
We need to show tact and
gentleness in order to handle the confrontation properly. Jesus tells us we
should go to our brother first and always do it in private. Some people mix up
the order and go the minister first whereas the wisdom of scripture, in order
to not offend your offender, is to minimise the number of people who are
involved and only bring in others if it's absolutely necessary.
There comes a time when a
confrontation or some criticism is necessary when we shouldn’t dodge it but
keep it to a minimum. Sometimes it's very hard to gauge. After many painful
mistakes in this area my rule of thumb is, if in doubt don't, or put another
way, err on the side of too little criticism rather than too much.
Before you do, find out what you
can to determine if it is the right time to confront them. Are they going
through enough problems as it is without being loaded with more? Is their self‑esteem
low that they need encouragement rather than criticism? Are they aware of the
problem and are they trying their best to work on it already? These are some of
the questions we need to answer before we confront someone over an issue.
Once you've discovered why the conflict occurred find a time to talk
privately with your friend. Sometimes it may be too difficult to confront face
to face so sometimes a written note will be much more easier and enable one to
convey what you mean better. If you do confront face‑to‑face then
it should be in a comfortable setting, as free from interruptions as possible,
and without time constraints.
Pray beforehand. Approach them in a humble way. A gentle, courteous and humble approach is necessary to have the best chance of persuading the other person to change their actions and not cause future offence to you. "A soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs. 15:1). If you speak harshly to the other person and badger them about the problem you're likely to stir up more antagonism but if you point it out gently they're more likely to initiate restoration.
If you’ve
made similar mistakes before feel free to use that to soften the blow so they
won’t feel “inferior”. Stick to the facts. Criticise the problem and never
attack the person and allow your friend to respond. Criticism is a delicate art and we should swift to hear
and slow to criticise. If we offer criticism not only must we speak the truth
in doing so but we must speak the truth in love (Ephesians. 4:15).
Also, balance criticism with praise.
They will be more receptive to your criticism if you point out a number
of their good points and works along with it. Finally, be willing to forgive
them whenever they repent and make the needed changes (Luke 17:3).
3) When two are arguing and
have a conflict of interests. The thing that the parties are arguing over are personal
preferences that are not wrong of themselves eg. a husband and wife arguing
over whether or not to buy something or go somewhere. Sometimes we need to
have the humility to let the other person have it their way as Abraham did
with his brother Lot when their possessions became so great that they couldn’t
dwell together (Genesis
13:7-9). A little humility and a little less selfishness can
go a long way to resolving these kind of matters.
One of the peaceable
fruits of godly wisdom is being willing to yield or easy to be entreated as
it says in some versions. If we put others needs and desires above our own
(Philippians 2:1‑4) and become more unselfish we will develop this flexible
quality. If we have that flexible approach to others, without necessarily
yielding to everything when it may not be right to, we will find we can reduce
the number of arguments we have with others.
4) When there are no problems.
Prevention is better than cure. Two things we can do to prevent arguments
are a) Strive not to do things that hurt or annoy others and b) Try not to
be oversensitive. Don't complain too much about other's problems and bad habits.
Though there is a time to point them out courteously, learn to bear with them
more (Colossians
3:13).
Prevention is better than cure
as the old saying goes. There are many things we can do to prevent arguments
and keep peace between people. The first major point in preventing problems
is not to be oversensitive (Ephesians
4:1‑2). Though there is a time to point out people's
faults courteously, learn to bear with them more rather than complaining too
much about others’ problems. Solomon spoke of how annoying a contentious or
nagging woman is who is always picking at other's problems (Proverbs
21:19, 25:24). Forbear
means "to tolerate", "put up with" and "be patient
with". Rather than reacting by complaining we should strive within reason
to overlook the things that others do that annoy us. This quality is especially
important with people who have quite different views or personalities to ours
(personality clashes).
Love is not easily provoked or
touchy (1
Corinthians 13:5). It gives a lot of room for mistakes. Love
is flexible, not stubborn. One way to reduce the friction level with others
is to be generous and friendly and give lots of praise and encouragement (1
Peter 4:8‑9). Love is not demanding and doesn't insist
on its own way. Love is patient and caring when others aren't in a good mood.
Rather than being touchy we should give a little more room for mistakes and
help them through that bad mood. Try not to be offended by little things but
have a long fuse.
The other major point in preventing
problems is striving not to do anything that offends others (1 Corinthians 10:32).
Be willing to co‑operate with other people would like (Phil.
2:1‑4). To avoid problems we need to treat each other
with love, compassion, courtesy and humility. Think twice about your comments
before you speak so you don't offend others, especially when it comes to sensitive
things. Remember be sensitive to other's values and treat everyone with the
respect they deserve as a potential son or daughter of God.
Patience
“So what is patience? Dictionaries tell us that patience is "the capacity, habit or fact of bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint." Two things are involved: 1) being in an unpleasant situation, and 2) being calm about it…
“The apostle James wrote:
‘Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing
of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that
you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing’ (James
1:2-4)…Some trials and persecutions we can do nothing about; we must
simply remain under them, patiently, until the trials are over. As best we can,
we should endure them cheerfully. Cheer is easier to endure than bitterness and
self-pity. It sets a better example for others (including, perhaps, those who
may have caused our trials or persecutions). And cheerfulness helps us have
more positive approach to our problems.
“Of course, if there is
something we can do about the problem, then we should do so. For example, if we
are unemployed, we should try to find another source of income. We may not find
it immediately, so we need to patiently continue looking. Patience does not
mean that we should sit around waiting when we should be working…
“When we think of patience,
we usually think of during situations and other people. But we also need
patience with ourselves. Some people get frustrated when they can't learn to
play the piano [or play golf as well as they’d like], for example, in one
month. Some are frustrated when they don't grow spiritually as fast as they
would like…
“One of the results of
patience is a calm, optimistic attitude - peace of mind. Patience often
produces physical blessings, too, especially when we are working with others…By
cheerfully enduring difficult circumstances, we can avoid the penalties
associated with impatience-higher blood pressure, increased frustrations and
strained relationships. Patience produces fewer hasty words and hurt feelings,
fewer jobs of poor quality that must be done again, no irritating outbursts or
complaints that make it harder for others to do their work.
“Impatience leads to stress
and mental frustration; it is self-defeating. Patience, however, is
self-rewarding; the blessings are automatic…Patience will not necessarily make
our trials go away any quicker. Patience does not make the line shorter or the
trip quicker (although it usually makes the job easier). But patience always
makes the delay more bearable. Patience is much more than the outward action of
waiting - it is an inner, mental attitude that helps us be calm rather than
annoyed while we wait” (Good News, July-Aug.1988, Article: “Why Wait? The
Reward of Patience Comes Instantly!”).
Kindness
“Many other words often used
in the Scriptures cover common ground with kindness. Compassion, mercy, grace
and forgiveness are such words. Kindness is the desire, the inclination, the
willingness to do good -even when that good is undeserved. It is being
merciful, mellow and easily approachable.
“Over and over again the
Psalms express assurance that God will help us. Why? Because we deserve it. No,
but because ‘His merciful kindness is great toward us’ (Psalm 117:2). In His kindness, God supplies the
needs of those who have lost their way (Psalm 107:4-9). He sets free those who are in bondage (verses 10-16). He helps
those suffering the results of their own blunders (verses
17-22). He delivers those threatened by forces beyond their control (verses 23-32).
“Do you see yourself in any
similar situations? God is extremely generous with His blessings (verses 33-42). And we deserve none of them.
Meditate on these things. ‘Whoever is wise will observe these things, and they
will understand the lovingkindness of the Lord’ (verse
43).
“What
does your life reflect? A person with God's spirit will reflect the kindness
of God in his or her dealings with fellow humans. Kindness is the inclination
to do more than what a situation may strictly call for or require. It is
wanting to go that extra mile, being thoughtful, considerate, forgiving and
merciful.
“There is no list of do's
and don'ts when it comes to kindness. The main rule is ‘just as you want men to
do to you, you also do to them likewise’ (Luke
6:31)…Be thoughtful. Put yourself in the shoes of others. Be on the
lookout for things you can do or say to make the lives of others more pleasant.
‘And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God
in Christ also forgave you’ (Ephesians 4:32).
“When Jesus talked about
judging between the ‘sheep’ and the ‘goats’, notice what He mentioned as being
the ultimate determining factor as to who will inherit the Kingdom of God. It
is to what extent knowledge and spirituality is translated into actively
helping and serving others, especially Christ's brethren:
"’For I was hungry,’
Jesus said, ‘and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a
stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you
visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me’ (Matthew
25:35-36).
“None of these are
complicated acts requiring great talent and ability. They are simple acts of
kindness. Micah summed up all God requires of you this way: ‘To do justice, and
to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God’ (Micah
6:8, RSV)” (Good News,
Sept-Oct.1988, Article: “God Loves Kindness - Do You?”).
Goodness
“Goodness
is an action.
We should first take note of some Bible words translated into English as
‘goodness’. In the New Testament, [there are] two words translated from the
Greek. The first [chrestotes] refers to an internal quality of wanting to
provide for and serve others; the second refers to the outward expression of
that inner intent. Goodness is God's way of love in action!
“The second Greek word is
agathosune, referring to goodness that is expressed outwardly in acts of
helping others. Agathosune is the word found in Galatians
5:22-23, where the fruits of God's spirit are listed. 2 Thessalonians 1:11 commands, ‘Fulfill [meaning
to put into action, to express] all the good pleasure of His goodness
[agathosune] and the work of faith with power.’
“Herbert W. Armstrong…observed
that people in this world want to be right, but they don't want to do right.
It's the same with goodness. People want to be seen by others as being good
- indeed, they want to see themselves as good - but they don't want to do
the things God defines as being good! [Proverbs
20:6]
“[Goodness] will make you
want to be more like God, to give to others, to share with others, to make life
more pleasant for others, to forgive those who have wronged you, to take pity
on those less fortunate than you, to think less of self than you may have in
the past, to be thankful for all the blessings God has given you, to be a
blazing example of all the fruits of God's Holy Spirit, which flow from the
first one - love (Galatians 5:22-23). So
pray that God will express His own goodness through you, and ‘Walk in the way
of goodness (Proverbs 2:20)!” (Good
News, Nov-Dec.1988, Article: “Walk in the Way of Goodness”).
Faith
The word faith in the New
Testament comes from the same word as believe. And both words believe and faith
come from the root verb meaning "to be persuaded'. It's pretty simple
really: To have faith in Biblical terms means that you are persuaded of
something. You believe in it. To have faith of any sort you must believe and be
convinced of something. How can I be persuaded that these promises of God are
true? Do I believe God will do what He promises He will do?
Hebrews 11:1 gives us a definition of
faith: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things
not seen.” God does not require us to simply hope without any proof. We are not
required to believe without any evidence. Faith is built on evidence and
substance. Do you realise that this is the exact opposite from most people
believe?
That's what faith is. Being
totally persuaded that God's promise of a better life in the future is true. Of
being totally persuaded that Christ was the Son of God and died for our sins.
Of being totally persuaded that He will come back again. Of being totally
persuaded by God’s promises to bless and help us throughout the Bible.
Faith is the key to being a
christian. Hebrews 11:6 says: “But
without faith it is impossible to please him.” We are given an incredible
amount of information to prove that God is God and a track record of His
concern for His people to show that His promises are sure and that He doesn’t
lie.
- We can prove there is a
God by just looking at the incredible design of nature.
- We can prove that the
Bible is far too amazing to be a work of man.
- We can prove even today
that the resurrection took place.
The Bible tells us that we
are to love God with all of our heart, all of our soul and all of our mind
(Matthew 22:37).
The use of the word "mind" in this verse means that our belief in
God and the Bible is to be an intelligent faith based on evidence, not just
simply a blind faith. We become persuaded to believe in God by study, mediation
and prayer (Romans 10:14).
It's very simple really - do you believe Him or not?
The more we study the Bible
the more we can be persuaded that these things we believe are true. We have
control over our own mind. The spirit will always be subject to us. God doesn't
just jam a persuaded mind into our head. We have to study and become persuaded!
How else can we explain the many times that Christ chastised the apostles
for their lack of faith if it was out of their control? (Matthew
8:26).
It was in their control!
They saw the miracles of Christ, they knew that it was the time of the messiah,
they had the scriptures, they saw the effects in peoples lives from Christ's
teachings. They should have been persuaded - just like the Israelites of old
should have been persuaded that God would look after them.
Having said that, we also have
to remember this level of conviction and belief in God and His promises isn't
something we can completely generate by and of ourselves. We need God to strengthen
us and increase and develop this faith in us as it is a fruit of His Holy
Spirit and a gift from God (Ephesians
2:8, Mark 9:23-24).
When we’re insecure we lack faith and we worry. John Haggai in his book
“How to Win Over Worry” makes the following comments about worry:
“Worry is a sin. It is always a sin for two reasons. Worry is distrust in the truthfulness of God and worry is detrimental to the temple of God [our bodies]…When you worry you accuse God of falsehood!” (p.29).
God says, “Cast all your cares on me for I do care very much for you
(put your own name in here).” Worry says, “You’re lying God”. God says, “I will
never leave you nor forsake you.” Worry says, “You’re lying God.”
God says, “Don't worry about anything. I will provide you with all your
needs. I will give you your hearts desires also if you will seek me. Look at
all the birds. They don’t sow or reap yet I provide for them. Look at all the
lilies of the field. They don't toil or spin yet I array them in magnificence.
How much more do I love you and want to give you good things with all my heart?
Why do you lack faith? You, (insert your na ), o precious to me and I
want to give you your heart’s desires if you seek and love me. So don’t worry.”
The reason
we struggle with faith is because of two things a) We underestimate the power
of God and b) We underestimate the love of God. To counter underestimating
God’s power (Jeremiah
32:17) simply read about God’s great power as seen in this
vast universe (as we covered in lesson one).
Now
how do we underestimate the love of God? Because God is invisible He can seem
unreal to us and if other people don’t care to reach out to us the way we would
like them to we can easily think of God that way too but God’s love is
infinite. It is so much greater than any love that we might show on a human
level.
Ever ask God for something in prayer and when He did answer your prayer
He gave you more than you bargained for? He gave you over and above - just like
He said in Luke 6:38 - pressed down,
shaken together and RUNNING OVER. It’s been said many times before but it is
true that you can’t outgive God!
The more you deep down believe that God will always provide for you no
matter what trials you go through the less your emotions will go up and down
like a yo‑yo and you'll be a lot more contented on the inside. Do you
depend on and put your faith in men and physical signs or do you trust
implicitly in God and His promises?
Humility
Humility or meekness is not
a weakness but actually a character strength. A humble person is lacking in
selfishness, pride, envy and vanity (Matthew
5:3). A humble person is one who doesn’t feel superior to others.
That doesn’t mean he wallows in self-pity but instead he realizes how insignificant
he is without God, that he doesn’t have the true wealth of God’s character
by and of himself, and he realizes how much he needs to change and be more
like God (John 5:30, Romans.
7:18-24).
It is not right to have an
"I'm-no-good-and-I'II-never-be-any-good" attitude either. Through
God's Spirit we can become of value. That's what the miracle of conversion
is all about. With God's Spirit, we can become members of God’s Family. A
humble person recognizes where he is on the road to total conversion. A Christian
should not "think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but
to think soberly [realistically, truthfully]" (Romans
12:3).
Such a person doesn’t rejoice
in any greatness that he has but rejoices in the power and help that God has
given him to live His way of life. “But let him who glories glory in this, that he understands
and knows Me, that I am the Lord, exercising lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness
in the earth” (Jeremiah 9:24). Our achievements are the result of the talents that God has given us,
not our own greatness.
Humility
is the opposite of the "I-know-it-all" attitude. When pride comes, then comes shame; but with the
humble is wisdom" (Proverbs
11:2). The humble are teachable. Humility is knowing when to
be inconspicuous. Jesus said we should not call attention to ourselves every
time we do a good work (Matthew
6:1-4). A humble person esteems and
serves others not to be recognized and applauded but out of genuine concern
for others (Philippians
2:1-8).
A
humble person is not snobby where they only spend time with those who are “good
enough” for them. Paul writes in Romans 12:16:
“Do not set your mind on
high things, but associate with the humble.” Don’t be snobby in other words.
A humble person is willing
to play second fiddle to and serve under others and doesn’t feel cheated when
others get credit for things. He rejoices in others’ successes (Romans. 12:15).
A humble person doesn’t consider his needs as important as those of others
but gives preference to them (Romans 12:10).
A humble person doesn’t look
for fault in others, he’s willing to serve under others and doesn’t get bitter
over injustices.
A humble person is willing
to admit his mistakes and learn from and be corrected by others, especially
from God (Psalm
25:4-5). “For all those things My hand has made, and
all those things exist, says the Lord.
But on this one will I look: on him who is poor
and of a contrite spirit, and who trembles at My word” (Isaiah
66:2).
Self-control
“This final trait,
self-control (or temperance), anchors God's love and your salvation.
Self-control is thus exercised for others. As a result, love is made personal.
Self-control is active self-mastery. A truly converted Christian isn't ready
for God's Family until the anchor - self-control - is in place…
“Attaining self-mastery
requires daily dedication to and walking in God's law. Christ walked this way
to establish mastery and control over potentially lustful and destructive
thoughts and actions. Likewise, we must be ‘casting down arguments and every
high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every
thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ’ (2
Corinthians 10:5).
“Finally learn to say no to
self! Learn to say no even to things that, though they may be lawful, might
cause offense to a brother [1
Corinthians 10:23]. Temperance anchors harmony between God's
law and human actions. The fruit of God's spirit, including temperance, unifies
God's begotten children to Him in much greater harmony than the rider experiences
with the Lippizaner stallion.
“The marvelous grace and
beauty of self-control almost defies description. Its guarded step and total
giving, out of concern for others, is invaluable. The tongue, feet, eyes,
hands, temper, tastes, desires feel its curbs. The man and his neighbor both
receive remarkable benefits. Remember what Paul said? ‘Therefore I run thus:
not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I
discipline my body and bring it into subjection’ (1
Corinthians 9:26-27).
“The unifying fruit of God's
spirit is thus borne, the person producing these fruits reshaped. Each fruit
contributes to the whole - to the development of God's own holy, righteous
character. ‘Against such there is no law’ (Galatians
5:23)!” (Good News, May-June 1989, Article: “Last But Not Least!”).
We’ve looked at the nine
fruits of God’s spirit that are specifically mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23. There are a number of other
fruits of God’s spirit that are mentioned in the Bible. Let’s quickly look at a
few.
Honesty is the quality of speaking the truth, the whole truth and nothing but
the truth (Ephesians
4:25). Appreciation is showing gratitude and
being thankful towards God and those who have given of themselves for our
benefit (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Compassion is a deep,
from-the-heart feeling of concern towards others who are hurt and in trouble and desire to help alleviate
them from what they are struggling with (1
Peter 3:8).
Empathy is a quality very similar to compassion and is being able to feel as
others feel (1
Corinthians 12:25-26, Romans 12:15).
Forgiveness is a willingness to pardon
or show mercy towards someone who has either deliberately or unintentionally
offended us or caused us harm (Ephesians
4:32). Hospitality is
being able to make people feel welcome, especially strangers – to provide,
entertain and care for others” (Hebrews
13:1-3).
Encouragement is the fruit of motivation. It means to inspire with hope, to strengthen
the confidence of others to perform to their best with our words and actions
(1 Thessalonians
5:14). Co-operation is a working together for
the common benefit of all (1
Corinthians 12:24-26). Courtesy
is being polite and considerate and showing manners and proper etiquette (1 Peter 3:8).
Respect for authority is giving due respect and obeying those who have been
given positions of responsibility such as police, the imperfect rulers of
this world, our parents, church pastors and to God Himself (Romans. 13:1). Diligence
can be defined as persistent effort or work to achieve a goal (Ecclesiastes 9:10).
Contentment is a state of peace
of mind where we are happy with those things which we possess without the
lust for more possessions or what others have” (1 Timothy 6:6, Hebrews
13:5).
Impartiality is being free from prejudice
or favouritism (Acts
10:34, James 2:1-9). Order
is being neat and properly organized (1
Corinthians 14:40). Affection is a desire to get close to
and show concern for another’s well-being – a fondness or warmth for another
expressed through actions or physical contact (Romans
12:10).
Sincerity is a genuine desire to be true and pure in our thoughts, words and actions (1 Corinthians8:8). Religion that is purely motivated reflects itself in helping those who are unable to help you in return (James 1:27). A desire to reflect the mind and attitude of Jesus Christ, rather than to impress other people is what God is after in each of us.
7] What laws and advice does God have for young people?
In Proverbs 1:6-7 we read: “The
fear of the Lord is the
beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. My
son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your
mother.”
This is the starting point for young people who want to be wise and
enjoy a happy and prosperous life. The beginning of wisdom comes when we admit
only God has the real answers, when we believe He exists and respect His laws.
After giving us the single most important principle a young person needs to
understand He also gives us a second principle which strikes a little closer to
home. Now, no‑one expects you to be continuously overjoyed by what your
parents tell you what and what not to do. God, who offers you such an
incredible future if you will follow Him, says you must learn to listen and
obey your parents and do what they say unless what they say is directly
contrary to God's law.
In Proverbs 2:1-12 we read: “My
son, if you receive my words, and treasure my commands within you, so that you
incline your ear to wisdom, and apply your heart to understanding; yes,
if you cry out for discernment, and lift up your voice for
understanding, if you seek her as silver, and search for her as for
hidden treasures; then you will understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God.
“For the Lord gives
wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He stores up
sound wisdom for the upright. He is a shield to those who walk
uprightly. He guards the paths of justice, and preserves the way of His saints.
Then you will understand righteousness and justice, equity and every
good path. When wisdom enters your heart, and knowledge is pleasant to your
soul. Discretion will preserve you. Understanding will keep you, to deliver you
from the way of evil.”
Now what
does it mean in these verse when he talks about knowledge and discretion? Well,
it simply means the ability to make right choices. We all have to make choices
whether we like to or not. The decisions we make in our life will determine
whether we will be a success or a failure in life, whether we will be richer or
poorer, whether we will be happy or miserable. God's way of life is the way to
true happiness and the right kind of fun that doesn't lead to youthful pitfalls
and heartaches.
God tells young people to
diligently seek that knowledge and wisdom of God’s way of life from Him through
reading His word, from their parents and from the church. The Book of Proverbs,
which was written specifically for teenagers, has many gems of wisdom which are
yours to learn and benefit from if you are prepared to dig them out by reading
and studying them.
In Proverbs 3:5-7 we read: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not
on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall
direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes. Fear the Lord and depart from evil.”
Young people should not be wise in their eyes – think that they know it
all or don’t need any advice or help from others. God wants us to include
Him in all of our plans and seek His help and guidance through prayer and
seeking a multitude of counsel from others (Proverbs
11:14). A multitude of others means people who are able to
give right advice that sometimes we may not want to hear, not just the opinions
of other teenagers.
Develop a personal friendship
with God. Do you ask Him as you would ask a friend for help with the little
things in life as well as the big things you need help with? KEEP CLOSE TO GOD AND OPEN UP TO HIM ABOUT
EVERYTHING AS YOU WOULD WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND!
You need to see the part God has played in your
life. Remember or ask about the times you have received divine intervention
or healing and answered prayer in your life. Realize that God really is our
friend and He is personally interested in each and every one of us.
Let’s now look at a few
different areas that affect young people and see what advice God has to offer
about them.
Do you come to
church for the right reasons?
In 2 Corinthians 13:5 we're
asked to examine whether we are in the faith. Why do you come to church anyway?
Fun and social activities should be part of it but it shouldn't be the most
important thing. Young people can often focus on having fun, fun, fun and
having a good time. That's good and proper but if that's our only reason for
being in the church because there are plenty of fun activities we need to re‑evaluate
our priorities.
Others come along just because their parents come along rather than
coming because they want to, while others are just in the church for the gravy
train ‑ the fun activities, the social life and because their friends are
in the church. Check your motives. Why do you come along to church?
God has called us to be rulers and teachers (Revelation
5:10) when Christ comes back to straighten this world out.
That's an incredible privilege to think that each of us in the church have
the awesome opportunity to be pioneers and architects of God's wonderful world
tomorrow.
We'll have the privilege to found a new age where the millions in the
third world will no longer suffer, when there will be no more greed, crime and
violence. We'll have the opportunity with God's power to clean up this planet
and rebuild the cities into beautiful masterpieces, where beauty will be the
order of the day and where everyone will live in peace and prosperity and will
truly be one big, happy family. How exciting to think that in a few short years
God will give us that exciting opportunity to change this world which it yearns
for so desperately and create that wonderful world tomorrow. THAT'S WHERE IT'S AT!
Think about it you young people! You are the only person out of each 100 000 on this planet who God has
given that totally awesome opportunity to! You have an incredibly rare
privilege denied to so many others at this time. It really is a pearl
of great price far more valuable than anything else we might have in this
life (Matthew 13:45-46)!
Have vision and think about that wonderful world tomorrow just a few
years around the corner! And then when we're finished with this world there's a
whole galaxy to choose from! Do you want to be a part of it? Do you want to
soar into the clouds and travel the stars? Do you want to feed and save those
people who suffer abject poverty in Africa for good? Do you want to be a spirit‑being
with limitless power, wealth and energy like God?
IT'S ALL THERE FOR THE TAKING
BUT YOU CAN ONLY HAVE IT THROUGH BEING IN THE CHURCH, OVERCOMING YOUR HUMAN
NATURE AND GROWING IN YOUR ABILITY TO LOVE AND HELP OTHERS ANY WAY YOU CAN.
The Differences between
First and Second Generation Christians
In
the church we have two rather distinctive groups of members which we call first
and second generation christians.
By definition, first generation christians are those of us who were called out from the world into the church. Second generation christians, on the other hand, are those who were raised up in the church by parents who themselves came into the church from the world.
There are several variations to this grouping of members in the church. Some of those variations include -:
- Third and even fourth generation members.
- Those whose parents came into the church when they were in their teenage years or even older and they spent little of their childhood being raised in the church. (Most of those who fall into this category, from my experience, tend to have a calling and an enthusiasm much like that of first generation christians)
- Those who were raised in the church but left around the time they were teenagers only to come back to the church much later after they saw the world for what it really was. (We have had many prodigal sons and daughters return to the church over the years)
- Those who were raised up in the church but had their own first love experience, like those of first generation christians, when they had to prove all the doctrines of the church for themselves during the apostasy of our former association.
What are some of the differences between first and second generation
christians?
-
First
generation christians tend to have a dramatic calling and they see the
teachings of the church as new, shocking and exciting. Often God has softened
them up first in the leadup to their calling with certain trials and then
opened their eyes to the many teachings of the Bible in a dramatic way.
-
For
those raised in the church there is no shock and those of us who came out of
the world should understand why there's no shock. It's impossible to find it
shocking when you've known it all your life and therefore it is much easier for
second generation members to take the truth for granted and not value it for
what it really is.
-
First generation christians see the opportunity as a pearl
of great price. They see a stark black and white contrast between what the
world offers and the church teaches and they jump at it. If you've grown up
in the church take pride in your parents for having the courage to come out
of the world's ways. If we came out of the world we shouldn't brag about what
things we have given up but have Paul's attitude where he counted those things
as rubbish (Philippians
3:8). Second generation christians should be deeply thankful
they've been brought up in the church for it is a great blessing (1
Corinthians 7:14).
-
First generation christians tend to see good and bad in
a lot more black and white terms than those who've been brought up in the
church. Since they are so used to hearing God's truth and have lived to some
degree a sheltered life, the line between right and wrong can seem hazy at
times for those brought up in the church.
-
First generation christians have a new love. To second
generation christians it's not a new love but it should, in time, be a first
love. To give up work and sport on Saturdays and all the other things is easier
for first generation christians because they're usually older and on a
spiritual high whereas second generation christians are not on a high and are
usually younger and parents need to help them through those kind of sacrifices
in a positive way.
-
Because they have it so good in the church with the
opportunities that they have it's hard sometimes for those who have grown up in
the church to have much of an urgency in wanting God's kingdom to come. It’s
good for those who have grown up in the church to watch and read up on how
badly people have it in the third world as well as how tragic life is for so
many people in our nation today so they can feel deeply and see how badly this
world needs God’s kingdom and have more of urgency for the kingdom. Make it
your goal to be in God's kingdom and realize that the world is going to end
very soon and REAL LIFE is soon to
begin.
In 2 Timothy 1:5, the Apostle Paul wrote the
following to the evangelist Timothy, “When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that
is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice;
and I am persuaded that in thee also.” We see here that Timothy was himself not a second but a third generation christian
having both a mother and a grandmother in the church.
The
calling for those who have grown up in the church is totally expected and not
so dramatic but it can and should be just as profound. Those of us who came out
of the world should appreciate the calling of second generation christians just
as those brought up in the church should appreciate the calling of those of us
who were called from out of the world.
True Masculinity
What is true masculinity? Here are some of the things the world says you
have to be to be masculine ‑ tough and brutal, a good fighter and avenger,
a heavy drinker and smoker, a reckless driver who drives hard and fast, a
sexual conquestor and someone who swears and tells crude humour. In short,
the world's masculinity really is a gross unconcern for others. Effeminism
(1 Corinthians
6:9) is just as abominable in God's eyes. Men are getting softer
and being dominated by women. Many men are weak and skinny and unathletic.
Homosexuality and effeminism are drastically rising. A big influence comes
from effeminate rock and movie stars.
There are two sides to true masculinity ‑ there are the physical
and there are the spiritual characteristics. First, let's look at the physical
characteristics. Men should be physically strong and fit. David was no weakling.
He battled wild animals and a bear (1
Samuel 17:36). Now we don't have to do bold things like that
or be an Schwarzenneger but should we have a reasonable amount of physical
strength. We should be in shape, physically fit and in good condition.
Another part of true masculinity is courage. Everyone has fears. The
truly masculine man is the one who cuts through it and does the tough things
even when he's scared. He has a strong, deep conviction of what's right and
he'll do what's right even against ridicule and persecution from family,
friends and people at work, school or wherever.
Men should be able to endure hardship, both physical and emotional.
That kind of toughness, physical and emotional, in particular, takes time to
develop. Though emotionally we shouldn't be oversensitive to hurt and
criticism, on the other hand we should be expressive of our feelings and
occasionally not be afraid to cry when it's appropriate such as for repentance
or times of great stress or great joy and emotion.
Education and knowledge are vital tools for a masculine young man with
real goals and purpose (Luke
2:46‑47). A masculine man is also thoughtful, courteous,
patient, self‑controlled and takes personal interest in others, gives a
lot in hospitality including dating and has a wide range of talents and skills.
He makes sensible decisions seeking other's input and leads well in conversation.
He gives his all to help, provide, encourage and support his family seeking
God's help diligently in his life to truly lead others in a godly way.
True
Femininity
A good understanding of what true femininity is can be found described
in two passages of the Bible. The first one in Genesis
2:18 describes the goal of true femininity while the second one in Proverbs 31 describes an ideal example of a truly
feminine woman.
Let's look at the definition of true femininity in Genesis 2:18. "And the Lord God said, It is
not good that the man should be alone. I will make a helper comparable to
him."
The goal of true femininity is
to fulfill the purpose of why God created woman ‑ to be a helper to
others and, in particular, to man. The word helper does not
mean slave. It means a supporter and a encourager ‑ someone who'll
lighten his load in life and is also a companion and a friend.
The ideal example of truly feminine woman can be found described in Proverbs 31. For their comments on this
description of the ideal woman I’d like to quote from Barry St Clair and Bill
Jones’ book “Dating – Picking and Being a Winner”. They write:
“If you want to be a truly feminine woman in God's eyes then learn to
be like Ruby. Ruby is a woman in the Bible. She's called Ruby because the Bible
tells us, ‘Her worth is far above rubies [One of the rarest gems there is].’
You can read about Ruby in Proverbs 31:10‑31.
Let's look at each of her excellent qualities.
“She was a terrific teammate. ‘The heart of her husband trusts in her
and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days
of her life’ (v 11, 12). Ruby's husband
knew he could count on her because she wanted to do him good. She was
considerate, not selfish. She put him second only to God and she looked out for
the needs of her family and friends.
“Ruby was also a cheerful worker. ‘She looks for wool and flax and
works with her hands in delight’ (v 13).
Ruby worked with delight. She was cheerful. She had a positive attitude toward
her responsibilities.
“Ruby's also a great cook. ‘She is like merchant ships. She brings her
food from afar. She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her
household and portions to her maidens’ (v 14, 15). Ruby
knew how to shop and cook. To some guys it's a real priority but after you've
tasted some of those guys' meals you can't blame them sometimes.
“She's a business woman. ‘She considers a field and buys it, from her
earnings she plants a vineyard’ (v 16).
Ruby knew how to make and manage money. If something ever happened to her
husband she could provide for her family.
“Ruby loves to exercise. ‘She girds herself with strength and makes her
arms strong’ (v 17). Ruby was a physical
enthusiast. She watched what she ate, didn't let herself go and kept
her body in shape.
“She is creative. ‘She senses that her gain is good, her lamp does not
go out at night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff and her hands grasp
the spindle’ (v 18, 19). Ruby used her
time wisely by learning how to enhance the beauty of her home.
“Ruby's also a fashionable dresser. ‘She is not afraid of the snow for
her household is clothed with scarlet. She makes coverings for herself. Her
clothing is fine linen and purple’ (v 21, 22).
Ruby was fashionable but frugal. She not only knew how to buy clothes but she
could make them as well.
“Above all Ruby was generous and kind to those who needed it. ‘She
extends her hand to the poor and she stretches out her hands to the needy.’
Ruby felt compassion for the poor and needy and she did something about it.
“These beautiful qualities weren't developed overnight. They were
developed over years. Look at what happened because Ruby took the time to develop herself. Verse 28 says ‘Her children rise up and bless her, her husband
also, and he praises her. Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them
all.’"
Sometimes we guys need encouragement and girls who are willing to
approach us guys in church and spare a few minutes to see how we're doing and
have a chat with us can really make our day. Girls, remember just a small thing
like that can really make a big difference and the more you help and encourage
and bolster the guys you meet the more they'll grow and become the masculine
men you're after. If you want masculine
men then be prepared to help them anyway you can in those many little practical
ways that will build their confidence and make them more masculine.
Proverbs 31:30
says: “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman
who fears the Lord, she
shall be praised.” There is no set for what a truly feminine woman should
be like just a common theme ‑ that she is a helper and a supporter to
others as well as seeking her own fulfillment in a balanced way. A woman who
is kind, who reaches out and cares for other people and makes them feel good
about themselves, who’s generous and lives God’s way of life – that is REAL
beauty (1 Peter
3:3‑4)!
Feelings and Emotional Maturity
Emotions and feelings are impulses from within us that move us toward
action. Emotions are what drive us to do the things we do. When our emotions
are controlled we do what is right and if they're not we do what we feel like.
Among the emotions are such feelings or expressions as fear, anger, resentment,
jealousy, hatred, grief, sorrow, surprise, desire, elation and joy.
Unfortunately a lot of us allow ourselves to act thoughtlessly on impulse. As a
result we get swayed and eted into all sorts of troubles, tragedies and
sufferings through our irrational actions.
I'm sure you know examples of people who live according to their moods,
feelings and self‑indulgent whims. They live according whatever feels
good at the time without any restraint or concern about how it affects others.
We can look at the lives of those who have great wealth, who live according to
every self‑indulgent desire they have and their lives are an absolute
mess because of it. You wonder how they could descend into such a state of
de ery when they've got so much wealth and other things going for them and
that truly is a sad part of human nature.
Some examples of emotional immaturity include pouting or crying over
trivial things, acting or buying things too impulsively, being too easily
influenced by others, daydreaming too much, being too easily offended and
touchy, being accusative, over‑competitiveness, sarcasm and cynicism.
Avoiding responsibility, being too demanding, getting upset when one’s not the
centre of attention and refusing to admit error when wrong is another classic
examples of emotional immaturity.
Emotional maturity, on the other hand, is
where we don't just react purely on how we feel. It's where we control our
reactions and only react where it's for the good of others and ourselves, not
at others’ expense irregardless of how we feel!
The Greeks put it well when
they said that emotions must be ruled by reason and also, just as important,
that reason must be warmed by emotion.
God says we should turn to him with deep
earnest heart-rending feeling (Joel 2:12).
This is no thoughtless giving way to uncontrolled emotion. This is full mental
realization of the need to seek God with all our strength and might. In
correcting Israel for their manner of indifferent prayers, God says of Israel:
"They never put their heart into their prayers" (Hosea 7:14, Moffatt translation). We
should have deep feelings and express them when appropriate. On the other hand,
we should not wear our emotions on our shirt sleeves where we can easily offend
others with what we can say. They should be properly controlled.
The original series of the popular science fiction
show “Star Trek” was built around this tension between emotion and logic that
we all go through. Mr Spock, from the planet Vulcan, represented pure logic,
free of all emotion, while the passionate Dr McCoy (a.k.a. Bones) wore his
emotions on his shirt sleeves. Captain Kirk realized the value of both emotions
and logic in making right choices. He listened to both sides of their arguments
balancing Spock’s logic with Bones’ emotions in order to make right command
decisions.
In the movie “Star Trek 2” Mr Spock gives his life
to save the life of the whole crew in a crisis situation. As he’s dying he
tells Captain Kirk a Vulcan quote - “the needs of the many outweigh the needs
of the one.”
In “Star Trek 3” Captain Kirk’s crew go to
extraordinary lengths to re-unite Spock’s “living soul” housed temporarily in
Dr McCoy with Spock’s regenerated body on the experimental Genesis planet.
After body and soul are re-united on planet Vulcan, Spock asks Kirk why they
all went to such lengths to do this for him. Kirk’s answer was that “the needs
of the one outweigh the needs of the many”. Quite reminiscent of the Musketeers
motto: “One for all and all for one”.
If you deeply understand only
one point here about feelings then I hope you understand that feelings ‑
all feelings come and go and have the same up and down nature like waves.
How much those highs and lows go differs from person to person. If we
draw a line across the centre of a wave or sine curve, symbolizing the emotional
centre (neither high nor low), the distance from the centre to a peak for a
particular person is usually about the same as the distance from the centre to
the valley.
Some people are very steady and while they don’t get very excited about
things neither do they get very depressed either. On the other hand, people who
get very excited generally have lows of the same intensity. Teenagers will tend
to experience greater highs and lows with the hormones that start at
the time of adolescence.
Feelings of romance, happiness, sadness, excitement and boredom
continually go back and forth in our lives. With that in mind there's no need
to panic when negative feelings creep into our lives. There’s also no reason to
feel that God or other people love you any less just because you are at the low
point of that regular cycle. Remember that your feelings will usually pick up
not long after.
Just because you're feeling bored or your conversation feels dull, if
you do the things that are right your feelings of excitement and passion will
return again in due course. Some people rush into marriage on the crest of a
wave while their feelings are passionate before the first trough comes along
without examining whether they have the other things which are necessary for a
stable marriage. Just because you're feeling passionate for someone now doesn't
mean those feelings are going to last forever.
Your feelings of passion may be strong now for someone but when the
trials of life hit those trials may show how weak your commitment for that
special someone might really be if you're too wrapped up in your own interests
or you're stubborn or inflexible or you don't have much of a deep concern for
your loved one. Feelings or the intensity of your physical attraction for someone
wax and wane like the phases of the moon and are never constant. Romantic
feelings contain only a piece of reality. They constantly fluctuate. They're
difficult to control but they do add spice to life so understand them for what
they are. Don't ignore them but trust them too much either by blinding you to the real facts about
someone.
Our feelings can never be fully relied upon
to discern right from wrong. Remember just because we feel or don't feel guilt
doesn't mean something's right or wrong. If we do learn to live by
"every word of God" we will learn to guide our emotions intelligently
but we shall never suppress them neither let them run rampant and uncontrolled
where they ought not.
No matter what cards we’ve been dealt with, from genetic traits and
looks to the way or circumstances we were brought up with or how badly other
people have treated us we still have the choice as to how to respond to those
adversities or handicaps. Will we blame our circumstances or others around us
for all of our problems or will we rise above it and respond to adversity in as
positive way as possible and make a good life for ourselves with God’s help?
Many people suffer from being insecure. To be secure you need an anchor
or a foundation. Most of us have been on the rollercoaster of romance at some
time in your life where your feelings would go up and down dramatically based
on the way a special girl or guy you liked treated you or how much or how
little attention they gave. The reason
the lows often hit us bad is because we have this tendency to walk by sight
and not by faith (2 Corinthians 5:7).
We look for things that are tangible and physical rather than implicitly
trusting in God even though there may not be any physical signs.
There
are many tell‑tale signs of people who are insecure. We all want to feel
important to and loved by others. When those needs aren't being met and we
don't trust God to provide them often we go seeking them the wrong way. People
who are proud or are vain surprisingly have low self‑esteem. They boast
and fish for praise. People who depend on the approval of others to feel good
about themselves will be disappointed and what is more, their need for approval
can ruin relationships by overloading them. The
best friendships do not require that anyone keeps the upper hand. There is no
real jealousy between them. Rather, there is a mutuality in which either
partner is free to be weak at times without fearing that the other will get
"one up".
You can't depend on others for your sense of self‑worth. It must
come from within you and from God. The best way to be secure, feel loved and
enjoy ourselves is not to go seeking it by dominating conversation and not
letting anyone else speak, fishing for praise, doing attention‑grabbing
things or just seeking to have fun for yourself all the time.
It's best described in the immortal words of Christ Himself: "Give
and it will be given unto you" (Luke 6:38).
Christ here is not just talking about physical needs. He's also talking about
emotional needs. Forget about worrying about how down or unloved you feel.
Focus on other people and how to fill their physical and emotional needs. Your
mind can only usually focus on one thing at a time. If you focus on other
people you aren't usually focusing on your own needs and worries. And in time
God will make sure, through others, your needs will be looked after.
Low Self Esteem
What is low self-esteem? Low self-esteem is having a low
opinion of oneself whether it’s a feeling of inadequacy where we don’t measure
up to a standard we have set for ourself or a feeling of feeling unwanted.
We all know that there is a side to us that is called
our human nature. That carnal side of us that is the accumulation of all of
our bad habits that have been developed through our wrong choices. Everything
that is us without God's help is carnal and selfish! This side of us we have
to utterly repent of (Ezekiel
36:31, Job 42:5-6). On
the other hand God wants us to love and show the right concern for the rest
of who we are – the unique individual that He created in His own image who
has the destiny of one day being born into His family as well as the good
character traits that He has already developed in each of us.
Christ
commanded us to love our neighbours as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39).
This implies that it is basic to Christian ethics and to interpersonal relationships
for a Christian to have a healthy self-image or self-respect. You are able
to give to others only when you have a healthy (but not excessive) opinion
of yourself.
Low
self-esteem can damage your potential. In Christ’s parable about the talents
the man with one talent was immobilised by fear and feelings of inadequacy
(Matthew 25:24-30).
And that's exactly what Satan wants for you as a Christian—that you will be
so tied up that you are tied down, frozen, paralyzed, settling into a job
and a life far below your potential. The second danger of low self-esteem
is that low self-esteem can ruin your relationships with God and with others.
When you devaluate yourself, you become overly absorbed in and with yourself,
and you don't have anything left over to give to others. There are four sources
from which we get our self-image.
The first is the outer
world. How
we feel about ourself is molded by how we are treated and cared for by others.
How people treat us plays a very big part in molding our self-esteem. Often we
do what Paul warns us not to do in 2 Corinthians
10:12 when we compare ourselves with others. Spiritually we need to
compare ourselves with God and draw our self-worth from Him. We are all in the same boat when we compare
ourselves to God. We should not feel inferior to anyone because EVERYONE is in
the same boat when we compare ouselves with God!
The second source for our self-image is the world within us, the physical,
emotional, and spiritual equipment that we bring into the world. This includes our physical
appearance and our capacity to learn and do things.
Satan is a third source. Satan as the accuser of the
brethren uses inferiority, inadequacy and self-belittling to defeat Christians
and prevent them from realizing their full potential as God's own children.
The fourth source for our
self-esteem is God. From God is where we need to get our picture of our worth and value
from.
We need to develop the picture of our worth and value
from God, not from the false reflections that come out from our past. The
healing of low self-esteem really hinges on a choice you must make: Will you
listen to Satan as he employs all the lies, the distortions, the put-downs, and
the hurts of your past to keep you bound by unhealthy feelings and concepts
about yourself? Or will you receive your self-esteem from God and His word?
Let’s look at a few encouraging things from the Bible that will nourish our
soul and boost our self-esteem during those times that come along that wear it
down.
How much does God value you? Regardless of how much or
little you feel other people make you feel wanted God is interested in you
very personally and wants you so much that He gave the life of His own dear
Son to redeem you (Romans
5:7).
In Matthew 6:26-31
we read: “Look at the birds of the air for they neither sow nor reap nor gather
into barns yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value
than they?…So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lillies of the
field how they grow; they neither toil nor spin and yet I say to you that even
Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so
clothes the grass of the field which today is and tomorrow is thrown into the
oven will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not
worry” Be happy as the song says!
As long as we do our part God is always there for us to
provide our needs and open up solutions to those problems that pull us down
from time to time. What can I do to improve the situation that’s getting me
down? eg. If I was struggling with shyness I could ask myself, “What am I doing
to develop myself and my conversational abilities a bit at a time? Am I
reaching out for the help that’s available from others to help me with that
kind of a problem?”
The last point I’d like to
offer in building our self-esteem is to focus
on the big picture. In Romans 8:18-19 we
read: “For
I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be
compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest
expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of
God.” Any
problems you have now are nothing compared to the incredible future that God
has planned for each and every one of us in His kingdom. It will be far beyond
anything that we can possibly dream of.
Where will you get your idea about yourself? From distortions of your childhood? From past hurts and false ideas that have been programmed into you? Or will you say, 'No, I will not listen to those lies from the past any longer. I will not listen to Satan, the liar and the accuser of the brethren (Rev. 12:10). I am going to listen to God's opinion of me, and let His feelings of love and concern for me become a part of my life, right down to my innermost feelings.
Dating
Dating as we have come to know it is where we spend time with members
of the opposite sex, sometimes in groups as well as one-on-one dating Now why
should you date? Well the simple answer is that half of the world is the
opposite sex! If you're afraid of the opposite sex, if you don't know how the
opposite sex reacts, if you don't know what their goals and ambitions are, if
you don't understand the way of a woman or the way of a man then how do you
expect to deal with the opposite sex in the church today and how do you expect
to deal with them in the World Tomorrow?
How do
you feel around young ladies or young men or older ladies or older men? Do you
feel comfortable or uncomfortable? Are you able to converse or do you feel on
edge or uneasy? Are you socially awkward or socially adept? These skills we
learn through dating ‑ interaction with the opposite sex.
To marry a woman just for her beauty is like buying a house just for
its paint. "Boy, I sure like the paint on this house. I think I'll buy it.
I know the termites are eating it up and the roof's about to fall down but I
sure love that paint."
Dating
is a form of giving ‑ giving someone of a good time. Everybody you know
has an effect on your life because you learn things you like and things you
don't like. We're all different with different tastes and it's important to
note some of these qualities as you date.
Too often dates lack creativity and end up following the same pattern
like dinner and a movie. Here’s a few ideas from a book entitled "Waiting
To Choose The Right Mate":
"You can go to amusement parks, parks in general, movies,
television, dancing, parties, visiting friends and family, picnics, attending
sports events such as football, soccer, baseball, hockey, cricket, basketball,
tennis, etc. You can go to community activities, visit a courtroom, do some
volunteer work, visit someone in hospital.
"You can share hobbies together ‑ stamps, photography,
painting, arts and crafts. You can go dining. You could try new cuisines like
American, Armenian, Brazilian, Chinese, Continental, English, European, French,
German, Greek, Japanese, Italian, Jewish, Mexican, Middle Eastern, Oriental,
Polynesian and so on.
"What about participating in various sports like ski‑ing,
backpacking, bicycling, hiking, fishing, horseriding, skating, squash, rock‑climbing,
boating, golf, tennis, swimming, jogging, camping out and so on.
"There's cultural events, theatres, musicals, ballets, dogshows,
museums, planetariums and so on, educational opportunities like lectures on
travel, art, gardening, music, singing and so on."
There's plenty
of things to do if you're creative and put your mind to it. Remember
experiences are twice the fun when shared with someone else. With broad dating
experience you grow as a person. Your interest and knowledge of yourself and
others is enlarged. If you've dated only a few persons or if you've gone out
with only one guy or girl you haven't given yourself the best possible chance
to know what you really want in a husband or wife.
The most common analogy used in the church to describe the game plan
for dating and finding that special someone is the diamond analogy where you
start off steadily building up a wide base of friends through your late teens
and early twenties and after you've dated widely you steadily narrow down to
the guys or girls who have the qualities you like most until you meet that one
special someone in life.
Dating in the world is quite different to how it generally is in the
church. In the world people generally try and make a romantic connection on the
first or second date rather than getting to know that person first before
deciding whether the person is compatible for them.
If a guy asks a girl out on a second or third date and the girl it’s
generally accepted by each other that they are boyfriend and girlfriend. Dating
someone is used as a term to say that two people are a romantic couple. It’s
usually an unspoken thing that they are a romantic couple if they go out on
more than one date. A friend of mine, who used to attend church, had one such
misunderstanding when she unwisely accepted a second date from a guy outside
the church.
Because people go steady so quickly, two or three dates into getting to
know each other, they find themselves breaking up with people over and over
again because it doesn’t take long after to realize that the other person is
too selfish or they aren’t compatible with each other. People in the world
spend very little time finding out whether the other person is right for them
before they start going steady and end up breaking up with lots of people over
and over again or stay with someone who is just no good for them.
If you want to find the right person that God has in mind for you and
you want to protect yourself from the breaking up cycle get to know people well
before you start going steady with them, even if there is mutual attraction
between you’s. Try to keep things at the friendship level first until you
realize there’s quite a strong chance that the other person may be the right
one for you.
Ephesians 4:2 says to be humble, gentle,
patient, forbearing and loving toward one another. This cannot happen if you
focus on yourself. But when you concentrate on these attitudes you will be able
to put the needs of others ahead of your own and this greatly benefits your
dating. Dating should be fun and first, and foremost, for building friendships.
Finding that special someone should be a natural by-product of building friendships
through dating.
One unfortunate
trend that I have seen in the church over the years is that so many singles
(the majority in my own humble opinion) will only try and get close to someone
of the opposite sex when they want to build a romance with them. Pursuing
romance becomes the primary motivation and building friendship plays a poor
second, if at all in some cases, rather than the other way around. I believe in
putting the effort into and building all my friendships with the opposite sex
as far as they will naturally go, regardless of whether I feel any romantic
feelings for them or not. My wish is that this approach would prevail a lot
more amongst our young people in the church.
Preparing for marriage
In his book “The Missing Dimension in Sex” Herbert Armstrong makes the
following comments about God selecting the right person for you:
“It is GOD who joins together in marriage a husband and a wife. Therefore it ought to be -- in your own interest -- GOD who selects for you the husband or wife you are going to marry! And God will do this, if you ask Him, and then refrain from getting in a hurry and taking it into your own hands! This may require self-restraint and patience, yes, and also faith. But if you rely on God, He will not fail you. And if He selects your lifelong mate, you'll have the right one!”
How does God do this and how do we know if God is selecting a certain
someone for us? First of all, we must ask Him in prayer to select that person
and guide us in our actions. Have we even asked God for this? We have to be
careful not to take things out of God’s hands and insist we have found the
right someone when there are things that others see and we should also that the
person is not right for us.
Seek a multitude of counsel from friends and family as God can
communicate much wisdom and a different perspective on things through others to
you. Look out for circumstances that are providential and not just
co-incidential in nature. Look for God’s hand in circumstances. Look to God to
handpick that certain someone for you and bring you together with that person
He will not fail you if you do your part.
In a singles Bible study given
by Gary Antion around 1987 he made these comments regarding finding that special
someone in life: “Scripture tells us, ‘Whosoever finds a wife finds a good
thing’ (Proverbs.
31:10) not ‘Whosoever accepts’ or ‘Whoever God sends’. That
means that we’ve got to do some looking. Oh yes, consult God. Ask him to help
you see the right one…Understand God’s will – same religion, same race [Deuteronomy
32:8, Genesis 24:3-4, Deuteronomy
22:9-11, Nehemiah 13:26-27],
that you have love and respect for each other and that you do it with good
counsel. That’s God’s will. The rest is your choice.”
Barry St Clair
and Bill Jones in their book “Dating – Picking and Being a Winner” make these
comments on how to pick a winner:
“Here’s a good example of how you can pick a loser when you thought
you've picked a winner. Bill tells this story of how he almost picked someone
who seemed a winner at first:
"She was perfect: a California girl, 5 and 1/2 feet tall, medium
build with blonde hair, fair complexion and blue eyes. She was the life of the
party, but still a straight. Bill's dream had come true or so he thought.
"After getting up my nerve, I asked her out. She said ‘yes’ and
everything went perfectly. We had a great time. I continued to ask her out but
after the first couple of dates I noticed something ‑ she was selfish.
She cared about herself much more than me and it was obvious. But I continued
to date her, because I thought I would be crazy to let go of someone who fit my
picture of the perfect date. Besides, I might not find another perfect girl. So
I hung on, hoping she would change.
"One night, after driving to her house she started coming on to me
physically. I didn't know what to do. The year before I'd decided to become a
christian and one of the main ways God had been changing me was in my attitudes
and conduct in dating relationships. I had committed myself to date according
to God's plan and I knew messing around would not honour Jesus Christ.
"All I could think was, ‘How can I get out of here?’ I looked
nervously at my watch and told my date that I had to get home. I walked her to
her door and never asked her out again. ‘What went wrong?’ I asked myself and
God. How could she be such a loser as a date? Will I ever find another perfect
girl and if I do, how can I keep the same thing from happening again?"
“UNFORTUNATELY THE BIG THREE
(LOOKS, PERSONALITY AND POPULARITY) COVER ONLY THE SUPERFICIAL QUALITIES OF
PEOPLE AND COMPLETELY MISS THE MOST IMPORTANT CATEGORY OF ALL ‑
CHARACTER.
“Character is everything a person is on the
inside ‑ especially their attitudes and maturity. It is often a result of
the person's spiritual life and convictions. And that's what really counts!”
Marriage is not so much in finding the right person
but being the right person that counts. If you want a queen you need to be a
king and vice versa. Marriage can only be a give and take commitment ‑
you must be willing to give exactly what you want to receive. The golden rule
here is ‑ whatever qualities you desire in a mate, develop first in
yourself.
So what are the most important things to look for in a marriage
partner? In my personal order of importance they are:
1) Character. Character
certainly is the most important thing to look for in a potential marriage
partner. How generous and unselfish are they? How kind and generous is he
or she to you and to others? How committed are they to God and to the church?
The Bible tells us that out of the abundance of the heart does the mouth speak
(Matthew 15:18-19). How much do they talk about
and are interested in God’s truth and way of life? Does their calling mean the world to them?
2) Communication. How
freely do you talk with the guy or girl you hope to marry? Is there a full
fluency of conversation between you from small talk and light-hearted
conversation to spiritual topics and deep and meaningful conversation? Do you
talk as freely to each other as you would with your best friend? Conversation
is the lifeblood of relationships so develop the ability to have free-flowing
conversation with each other.
If there was no physical attraction between you and your potential mate
would you still be close friends with each other because of how freely and how
much you enjoy talking to each other? You
have to be the best of friends if you hope to be married and free flowing
conversation is essential to that.
3) Common interests. How
much do you have in common between you? Do you both share a good sense of
humour? Do you like to do the same sorts of activities when you get together?
Do you share similar interests and hobbies? If two people have full fluency in
their conversation it’s usually due to the fact that they have a great deal in
common including the calling and what they believe in. One way to gauge how
much you have in common are how similar are your friends. If you have
difficulty getting along with the other person’s friends then you may not have
as much in common or not have as similar viewpoints on life as you might think.
Remember you not only marry into a family but also a circle of friends.
4) Good looks. Quite obviously if you want
to spend the rest of your life with someone you will want to find your partner
very attractive. Good looks are still important. As author David Seamands puts
it, “I can’t think of anything worse than being married for a lifetime to
someone who didn’t ring my chimes!”
Real love may bring out strong feelings but real love is not a feeling.
Love is a decision "for better or for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness
and in health" you will care for that person and put that person's needs
ahead of your own.
According to past ministerial surveys marriage problems have been the
number one problem in the church. The problems probably would be only half as
bad if singles, before they got married, would actively out of love for their
future spouse try and root out as many of the seeds of their bad attitudes and
habits as possible whether it be a bad temper, sexual lust, laziness around the
house, financial irresponsibility, a bad stubborn streak or whatever it may be.
Those type of attitudes take time to break and
overcome so make the most of the time you have while you're single to grow up
emotionally and spiritually and try bring as few of those spiritual liabilities
into your future marriage.
Have a stability of what you plan on doing with
your life careerwise and develop stability in your relationships and stability
of residence before getting married. Don’t take on the important responsibility of
marriage until you are ready emotionally, socially, spiritually and
financially.
Financial
responsibility is one of the most
important areas to get right in your life before you enter marriage. Financial
problems have been ranked in times past as the second biggest problem in the
church directly after marriage problems. Do you have a career? Is it the best
and most enjoyable for your ability? How do you approach spending? Are you
constantly spending more than you are making? Are you working on extinguishing
any debts, except a mortgage if you have one, before you enter marriage.
Both men and women should be saving for marriage
(Proverbs 24:27). It shouldn't be just the men who are saving for marriage.
The cost of coming up with a deposit for a house and things to put into one
is very expensive these days so men themselves not only should be serious
about getting something behind them financially but girls also should be working
and saving to help out as well.
You still have to enjoy
yourself while you're young but be careful about not squandering your money
while you're young because if you squander it, it can set you back quite a bit
towards getting married. I hasten to add to our young people who might also have the travel bug,
don't repeat my mistake from my younger days and blow all your money in the
process.
My advice is to invest your first two or three thousand and don't touch
it. Once you have that then you're free to spend whatever you earn over that for
travel or whatever without worrying you've got nothing to fall back on later
when you really need it. If you
are impatient you can enter marriage too young and take on a lot more financial
pressure than you need to which can put serious pressure on a marriage.
Darien Cooper in her book “How to Be Happy Though Young” offers these
points on when to know you truly love someone and you’re ready to be married:
1) You have grown to love
this special one.
2) You have common bonds
of faith.
3) You are compatible with
a number of common interests and a common approach to life and marriage.
4) You will appreciate
your loved one's appearance.
5) You will be willing to
accept your right one as he [or she] is.
6) You have passed the
test of separation and time.
7) You have your parent's
approval.
8) The final and most important
criteria for recognizing your lifetime partner is a deep, inner assurance
provided by God that this is the one. If there are nagging doubts, back off!
Give God time to confirm your doubts or totally remove them.
Sex
The Bible makes
it very clear that sex is designed for marriage only. Within marriage sex can
be a profound blessing binding a man and woman close together in the bond of
marriage and deepening their feelings of love and concern for another along
with providing great pleasure. Outside of marriage, though, sex can produce
great penalties.
Sex is like a fire. That same fire that warms a house can burn it down.
A fire in the fireplace gives warmth and comfort. A fire outside the limits of
the fireplace destroys. The proper place for sex to burn is in the fireplace of
the marriage relationship where it brings warmth to the relationship. Outside
of the marriage relationship sex destroys.
In their book
“Sex – Desiring the Best”, Barry St Clair and Bill Jones explain why it is so
important to keep sex for marriage and abstain from pre-marital sex:
“God designed sex to unite two people in marriage. Although people can
have sex to have babies, to feel pleasure and to show love, God's higher plan
is for total dynamic oneness. And that can happen only in marriage. The Bible
teaches that sex is more than merely a physical act. When two people have sex
they become one flesh. Both give themselves to each other. They become one
person. How?
“Sex
joins personalities. When you have sexual intercourse with another person,
you join your personality with the other person's personality. When the Bible
says, "a man shall leave...and cleave" (Matthew
19:5), it means to glue, to cement. A man and woman in sexual
intercourse join personalities. If you have sex and then break up with that
person, you have left a part of your personality behind and torn away some
of the other personality as well. Both of you are hurt and incomplete (p.22-23)…
“Trust in each other when you
wait is complete. Sex before marriage creates tremendous insecurity on the part
of the girl and the lack of respect for the girl on the part of the guy. Those
feelings cast doubt on the relationship and its future. If the couple does get married,
the question will eventually arise: if he (or she) had sex before marriage,
will he(or she) do it after marriage, too? All of that adds up to destroyed
trust. When you wait you can fully trust one another.
“Sexual diseases are not a worry. Sexually transmitted diseases are
rampant. New types and strains are being discovered all the time. Most don't
respond to medication. They are miserable at best. They bring death at worst.
That is a high price to pay for a few minutes of pleasure. The way to insure
against disease is to wait(p.55-56)…
“In 1 Thessalonians 4:6 Paul
explains that a relationship built on sex outside of marriage is not healthy
because ‘No one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.’ When a
relationship gets too physical one person or both in the relationship is taking
advantage of the other. You try to start over but every time the physical gets
too heavy. It hurts both you and the other person. Why does it happen over and
over again? Because you are taking advantage of each other. You don't know how
to build a healthy relationship. You can't beat the break‑up habit
because you've put too much emphasis on sex. You have lost sight of what God is
trying to do in your life and in the life of the other person.
“When sex controls you, your relationship with God goes into neutral.
He seems to be a million miles away. You feel like your prayers don't reach the
ceiling. You even begin to doubt if God exists. When you have sex outside of
marriage, you want to be intimate and close. You want sex to bind you together.
Instead, it tears you apart. What started out as a tender expression now
produces tension. Your relationship suffers in several areas:
Breakdown in communication. Now
instead of long talks, you are looking for ways to be alone to make love.
Without talking, your relationship is crippled. More sex only puts a band‑aid
on a broken bone that will never correctly heal.
Shallow relationship. Sex
is the easiest and most direct route to intimacy but it is not the best.
Sharing bodies without sharing hearts and minds is a shallow, hollow
experience. The glue of sex is not strong enough to hold the relationship
together. The qualities that make a relationship hold together ‑ trust,
honesty, openness, deep friendship and spiritual depth ‑ take time and
effort to develop. A heavy duty emphasis on sex causes the relationship to come
unglued.
Guilt. Sex
before marriage causes you to feel guilty. Why? Because you are. This guilt
prevents you from building the relationship.
Insecurity and loss of
respect. In real love there is no one else. But premarital sex
knocks the props out from under the security the girl needs and the respect a
guy needs.
"If he made love to me I wonder if there are others."
"All he ever wants is sex"
"I just don't respect her anymore"
Comparison to others. If
you have sex before marriage, when you get married you will flash back. You
will think, "That guy kisses better than my husband." "She makes
love better than my wife." Or if your sexual experiences are bad before
marriage, all the fear and anger of the past will cause you to freeze
emotionally. As a result, you are not completely free to love your marriage
partner.
“When you have sex, a part of
your personality stays with that other person forever. Like an apple sliced
with a knife and handed out to several different people, every time you have
sex with a different person, your personality is divided and handed out. You
can never recover it. [Sex is designed to bond a married couple close together
in love. The more sexual bonding experiences you have before marriage the
weaker the sexual glue becomes to bond to the next person who may turn out to
be your future spouse.]
“Because sex is so powerful, it creates strong emotional bonds between
partners. These bonds can make you feel that the relationship is deeper than it
really is ‑ thinking you know your partner and your partner knows you
better than you actually do. You become emotionally ‘sliced’:
‑ You have unfulfilled needs that cause you to get frustrated and
bitter.
‑ You hang on to the relationship, not out of love, but out of
fear and insecurity.
‑ You wanted intimacy and love but are disappointed that all you
got was sex” (p.59-61).
Along
with those numerous psychological and inter-personal reasons for abstaining
from pre-marital sex, unless you are married and in the position of being able
to provide for a new human being it's not worth the risk of bringing an
unwanted baby into the world and that means also in the engagement period prior
to marriage because a great many engagements do split up.
We live in a sex‑saturated society that constantly bombards all
of us with erotic stimuli. Suggestive poses and near‑nude bodies are just
a glance away. Come‑on eyes peer at us from colourful, provocative ads on
television, in magazines and on billboards.
Girls in the church can easily flow along with the world’s provocative
dress fashions. Guys in the church have enough of a battle keeping their minds
pure with what the world throws at them so girls in the church need to be
sensitive to this and dress modestly (1
Timothy 2:9). Men are visually stimulated in a way that women
have difficulty in comprehending. Girls in the church must be careful not
to dress with clothes that are too tight or clothes that are too low-cut.
They should be careful not to present a stumbling block of visual temptation
for any guys in the church.
Tom Eisenman makes thes powerful comments about sex in his book
“Temptations Men Face”. He writes:
“Sex has enormous power. It has power to create and sustain a
community. Power to live in love. Power to know another deeply. Power to
express the image of God. It is both a gift and a profound blessing from the
Lord of love.
“If perverted, sex is a power that destroys. It holds men captive. Turns
quickly to an obsession. Burns with lust. It demeans human beings, reducing
them to things to be used, abused and discarded. Held in its bondage, otherwise reasonable men will lie to themselves and
others, turn their hearts and minds away from God, leave their wives and the
children they love, and choose to live in tension, guilt and shame, all for the
promise of tasting again the brief, pulsing current of its seductive pleasure”
(p.54).
In their book
“Sex – Desiring the Best”, Barry St Clair and Bill Jones offer these points for
those who have a problem bringing their sexual desires under control:
1) Refuse to rationalize
the problem.
2) Nail down a stake. Even
though you may make some mistakes in the future you will win no matter what!
3) Confide in a friend.
4) Focus your eyes and
avoid tempting situations (Job 31:1).
5) Think about the price
you are paying for your problem.
6) Plug into God’s power
and renew your mind through prayer and Bible study.
7) Press on despite failure.
Remember that sex is a progressive in nature. Once the sexual motor is
turned on it doesn’t want to stop. Imagine a car going along at 100 km per hour
and then throwing the gear into park. You'd kill the car. It can't stop that
fast. It's even worse trying to throw it into reverse. It wants to keep going
and so do your sexual desires once they're running. This is why young people
must not just make a commitment not to engage in sex before marriage, they also
need to commit to not getting involved in those physical intimacies that are
meant to lead into sex such as prolonged kissing, necking and petting with a
girl or guy they might get involved with.
Managing your finances
A
common area into which many people fall into all sorts of problems these days
is in handling money. Here a number of common sense points that can make a real
difference in being able to handle our money properly.
Tithing is the first law of financial success. Tithing
teaches the principle of giving. It teaches generosity because that's the
reason they've got anything. God has given us the opportunity to work. He has
given us a body. He has given us the soil, the grass, the sun and rain to grow
what we have and everything we use to earn a living. He has given us the money
and the means to live off what He has given to us.
The next principle to financial success is to
learn how to budget. The word budget means proportioning your income
into a series of categories. The first 10% of your income is God's. The
remaining 90% can now be allocated. For utilities and other bills and debt
payments divide the payment by the number of pays between payments. eg. If you
have a phone bill each 3 months for around $120 and you get paid fortnightly
then divide $120 by 6 to find out how much you have to put away each fortnight.
In this example you'd need to put away $20 per fortnightly pay. This budget
will tell you exactly how much to put away for each current and upcoming
expense, so you will have precisely what you need to pay the bills as they
arrive. Don’t take a reactionary approach to expenses where you are forever
trying to catch up on them.
Develop a savings habit. Contingencies
and unexpected bills often come up so it is always good to have enough savings
to cover that extra bill you did not anticipate. Even if you are in financial
difficulty, try to begin a savings habit. It need not be large at first ,just
enough to develop the habit in you. Later, when you have gotten out of trouble
you will have established the pattern in your life.
Learn to save for big items like
a house or a block of land. Why can't a teenager start thinking
about saving for a block of land (Proverbs 24:27)? Why does it always have to be a porsche or a lamborghini
or a mustang? A car ‑ it's the worst investment. Have a think about
this ‑ a young man if he starts work at 18 and is able to save $50 a
week, in 5 years at age 23 he'd have saved $12 500. With interest it could
be close to $15000. Five years might seem like a long time, but it's not.
What a great foundation for marriage!
Avoid the pitfalls of easy credit. Credit, in many ways, is like alcohol. It's easy to get
hooked on it if it's not used in moderation. Sometimes the only solution for
the "credaholic" is to go cold turkey until his financial system
has a chance to return to equilibrium. Be willing to take the short‑term
pain of limiting your expenses in a balanced way until you can clear your
debts. Solomon wrote: "The rich rules over the poor and the borrower
is servant to the lender" (Proverbs
22:7).
Learn to buy quality. Buy
that which is reliable rather than that which is attractive and glittery. Buy
the best within your price range.
Avoid extremes in fashion and
be content with what you've got. Don't covet and buy things out
of your financial reach.
Be careful of impulse buying If
you feel the urge to buy something impulsively then tell yourself I'll come
back in 2 days time. If I still want it after evaluating my finances then I'll
buy it. Usually the urge to impulse buy lasts no longer than 24 hours.
Learn to be generous. God
tells us in Proverbs 11:24‑25: "There
is that which scatters yet increases more and there is that who withholds more
than is right but it leads to poverty. The generous soul will be made rich and
he who waters will also be watered himself." Giving sets a cycle in motion
where God will help look after you if manage your funds wisely and are generous
to others.
When assessing why you're in
financial trouble determine God's reason for your lack of funds. Is it
(a) Don't need it (b) God wants to test your faith (c) You haven't asked Him
for what you need or want or (d) You've misspent it irresponsibly? Never blame
God for what you lack and also don't put God in a financial corner by buying on
faith hoping He'll provide for you later if you can avoid it.
Treat your money with respect.
There are a lot of people who don't respect money and some people can
find themselves in the company of people who don't respect the fact that
they've worked hard for the past 5 days and they just want to blow it. Remember
each dollar is important. Ben said, "A small leak can sink a
great ship." Each dollar should have a certain respect.
Learn to budget properly, carefully spend your money and not abuse
credit and put God first when it comes to your money and you can be a financial
winner.
Peer pressure
What is peer pressure? Peer
pressure is that persuasive force that causes a teenager to go with his or her
friends ‑ to do what they want to do ‑ to have the same attitudes they have ‑ to behave the way
they behave ‑ to go where they want to go ‑ to dress the way they
want to dress ‑ listen to the same tunes they listen to and to have the
same likes and dislikes they have.
Peer pressure is a powerful force that can be both good and bad
depending on the character and values of the young people one is trying to be
accepted by. More often than not in this world, peer pressure leads many young
people astray from the good, positive morals of the Bible in order to be
accepted by other teenagers.
The wrong kind of peer pressure nurtures a quality which the Bible
calls vanity which goes through a number of stages. As a little child becomes
aware of the world around it, it develops a simple desire, a desire to be
liked. As a child grows older this desire to be liked becomes a desire for
approval. Approval is very important, especially from parents and teachers. Now
these desires are fine as long as they don't get out of control and become
stronger than our desire to do what's right.
Satan tries as hard as he can to feed this desire and as we grow up
this desire develops and changes and as we reach our teenage years it becomes a
desire to be respected and accepted especially by our own circle of friends.
Now this desire to be respected and accepted doesn't last forever. As we move
into our early to mid twenties it develops into a desire to be thought of as
important, especially by those older than us.
Then, as a person enters his thirties, it develops into a desire for
prestige and this is what drives a lot of men and women on in their careers,
not just to be thought of as important but to attain prestige ‑ to have
an important position or office in life. Later on as the individual grows older
and if he's given the opportunity, this drive for prestige becomes a drive for
power and this is why older executives climb over the bodies and careers of
younger men to put themselves into a position of great power and this,
according to those who study it, is one of the greatest drives in man.
Some of us tend to think peer pressure is brand new. What you need to
realize is that peer pressure is as old as man. Did you realize that God talks
about peer pressure at the start of the Book of Proverbs. In fact He singles it
out as the main problem or the single greatest pressure that a teenager or a
young person is up against.
In Proverbs 1:10-15 he says: “My son, if sinners
entice you, do not consent. If they say, ‘Come with us, Let us lie in wait to shed
blood. Let us lurk secretly for the innocent without cause. Let us swallow them
alive like Sheol, and whole, like those who go down to the Pit. We shall find
all kinds of precious possessions. We shall fill our houses with spoil.
Cast in your lot among us. Let us all have one purse” My son, do not walk in
the way with them. Keep your foot from their path.”
What God is saying here young people is this ‑ are you being
constantly tempted by your friends to experiment with things you shouldn't. If
so, God says in this verse that you may have to seriously consider that you're
amongst the wrong circle of friends and that's something some people need to
consider. If you want to avoid being drawn into wrong things simply don't hang
around with those who want to indulge in these things. Why?
Well, the next verse tells us. In verse 17
it says: "Surely, in vain the net is spread in the sight of every bird but
they lie in wait for their own blood. They lurk secretly for their own
lives." What does that all mean? Simply, it means this ‑ ultimately
the person who gives in to peer pressure is the one who pays the penalty. God
is saying never make the mistake of saying it can't happen to me. Don't make
the mistake of thinking others get away with it so why can't I? The truth is
others don't get away with it.
There are penalties and in verse 20
He says this ‑ you don't have to experiment with sin to find out that sin
brings penalties! He says: "Wisdom calls aloud outside. She raises her
voice in the open squares. She cries out in the chief concourses. At the
opening of the gates in the city she speaks her words." What God is saying
is that you don't have to experiment with drugs to know the terrible results of
drug addiction. You don't have to experiment with pre‑marital sex to know
the miseries of unwanted pregnancies, the horrors of sexually transmissible
diseases, the anguish of the mental problems that stem from the feelings of
guilt you go through afterwards.
God simply says look around you. Observe the
results and the tragic lives of those who didn't know the difference between
right and wrong, who didn't have the wisdom to make the right decisions when
they were young and who didn't have the courage to say no. You see them in the
streets, you see them on the beaches, you see them in the hospitals, you see
them wherever you find people. That's why God says wisdom cries aloud in the
streets!
Remember, you're not alone in the struggle to
stand up against drug abuse, illicit sexual behaviour and other harmful
practices. There are times when it is right to say yes to good, fun and right
activities. But there are also times when with firmness and tact you in your
personal life should say no!
There are often more subtle
forms of wrong behaviour where we can be influenced by friends IN the
church to do the wrong thing. Such things can be bad language, dirty jokes,
seeing movies that are too filled with sex or violence or wrong values,
listening to music that have immoral lyrics and going along with the wrong kind
of trends and fashions of worldly young people. It’s easy to flow along and
think if other friends in the church are doing it mustn’t be too bad. In 3 John 11 we read: “Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but what
is good.” This applies to the behaviour of both people in the world as well as
in the church.
8] How do I know if or when I should be baptized?
In Revelation 17:14 we read the following: “These shall make war with
the Lamb, and the Lamb shall overcome them: for he is Lord of lords, and King
of kings: and they that are with him are called, and chosen, and faithful.” We
know what faithful means in this passage – to be faithful to God’s ways to the
end or when Christ returns but what do we mean by someone being called and
chosen?
Does being called mean the
same thing as being chosen by God? We can find the answer to that question in Matthew 20:16 where we read: “So the last shall
be first, and the first last: for many are called, but few chosen.” It says the
many are called not the few and that only a few are chosen. So we see that
being called by God is something completely different from being chosen.
My own personal
view on this is that the calling is a general invitation to all our young
people in the church from God where God gives them a partial understanding of
His truth. It’s a partial opening up of their minds with an invitation to
become a converted member. It’s then up to those who are called to respond to
that calling at their own pace and if they respond enough then God chooses them
and gives them a much fuller understanding of His truth.
If you have been
raised up in the church what things can you do to deepen your conversion and
know that you’re ready to be baptized?
First of all,
you need to prove the doctrines of the church and not just assume they are
correct. Cultivate a love for all the areas of God’s truth and not just some
here and there. Have a love for all of the doctrines and prophecy as well as
God’s way of life. Second generation christians need to believe the doctrines
and keep God’s laws because they've proven them right and not just accept them
because their parents believe them.
How can you tell whether you are merely accepting the doctrines of the
church and God’s way of life because your parents believe them or because you
believe in them? Well, I would ask you a simple question, “Is what you believe
a conviction or is it merely a preference?”
A conviction is a belief or a standard of behaviour that you will hold
to no matter what. A preference is merely something you prefer to do that you
might change under different circumstances.
You can ask yourself if all your family and best friends left the
church would you stay and hold onto the doctrines of the church and still live
by God’s way of life? Many young people of my generation got baptized because
it was the thing to do or because it was expected of them. When the trials of
life came later on and when the WCG changed its teachings they gave up the
truth and God’s way of life simply because it was a preference and not a
conviction. How about you? Would you do the same thing under those circumstances
or are you truly convicted of God’s way no matter what happens?
If
God’s way of life and the teachings of the truth are something that you are
committed to, no matter what, then you do have the repentance required for
baptism no matter how you feel. Of course, like with romance and marriage, we
can fool ourselves into thinking we’re ready so it is good to get counsel from
the ministry to help make sure of your commitment level.
Attitudes
of the heart and the Holy Spirit are spiritual and not something that you can
feel so don’t get hung up on waiting for a dramatic calling accompanied by
great feelings. Only when you receive God's spirit at baptism are you
officially eligible for the first resurrection by having God's spirit in you
and not just working with you.
If
you want to deepen your feelings and appreciation for God’s truth then remember
contrast is a big key. For those of us who were called into the church many of
us know deeply what it’s like to live without the hope of God’s kingdom and many
of us have had first-hand experience at how awful life can be not knowing or
living by God’s way. Our appreciation comes from the great contrast of knowing
what life is like without it.
Another
point to deepen your conversion if you are a second generation christian is to
get to know people older than you, from those in their 20’s and 30’s right up
to our senior members. In Proverbs 13:20 it says, “He that walks with wise men shall be
wise.” My own observation over the years is that the maturity of young people
is often directly proportional to the time they spend getting to know people
older than them. Those who spend virtually all their time with their peers tend
to be more shallow and less mature. If you spend time getting to know those
older than you from those in their 20’s, 30’s and older, little by little,
you’ll be quite surprised just how enjoyable and helpful those friendships can
be.
There
is no need if you've grown up in the church to leave the church for a while to
prove God's way is right. In Proverbs 1:20 we read that “Wisdom calls aloud outside; she
raises her voice in the open squares.” It says that wisdom cries aloud in the
streets. There's enough evidence in the messed up lives of people in the world,
including unconverted friends and family, to prove God's way is right and the
world's way only brings pain. If you do leave the church and come back later
you will still have to wear the consequences of living by the world’s ways. If
you speak to those who have done it you’ll realize that it’s just not worth it.
It’s
far better to learn second-hand from friends and family in the world as well as
people you read about in magazines and see on TV just how bad life can be
without living by God’s way than to experience it first-hand. You’ll spare
yourself quite a lot of scars and regrets if you do. If you want to deepen your
feelings and appreciation for the truth and God’s way of life spend some time
seeing the deep contrast of life without it through the lives of others. You’ll
soon see what a pearl of great price that you have in your hands to know God’s
truth and be invited to be in the first resurrection if you do your part.
9] What does God say about building friendships?
What is friendship? How would you define it? The word friend gets
tossed around so much in our world that it has lost a lot of its meaning. It
has become a clique to a fair degree. Friendship in the popular sense is any
relationship where there is mutual giving and receiving, even if the motive is
to gain something in return.
True
friendship, on the other hand, is a relationship where there is mutual giving
and receiving and the giving is done purely for the good of the friend ‑
NOT to gain something in return.
The secret to happiness is best summed up in
the old saying ‑ to love and to be loved. When we have a cause in our
life, when we are devoted to something that is bigger than ourself that is
good, such as God's calling of supporting His work and giving and making people
happy, we will not want for happiness in our life. Christ said it is more
blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35)
and it's only through living the way of give that we will be truly happy.
Also,
we need to be loved ‑ to have good friends who aren't just fair‑weather
friends. We all yearn for a sense of belonging ‑ to have friends who make
us feel like we belong. Most of us want a wide variety of casual friends and
acquaintances of both sexes and different age groups. Most of us also yearn for
a number of friends who we spend regular time with and who seek our company
even when the chips are down. Being loved more often than not is a direct by‑product
of loving others.
In regards to social
development, Alan Loy McGuinnis in his book "The Friendship Factor"
makes the following observations about how we prioritise friendship:
"As I've watched those who are deeply loved, I've noticed they all believe
that people are the basic source of happiness. Their companions are very
important to them, and no matter how busy their schedule, they have developed a
lifestyle and a way of dispensing their time that allows them to have several
profound relationships with people.
"On the other hand, in talking with lonely people I often discover that,
though they lament their lack of close companions, they actually place little
emphasis on the cultivation of friends...Deep friendship requires cultivation
over the years - evenings before the fire, long walks together, and lots of
time for talk. It requires keeping the television off so that the two of you
can log in with each other...
"Why do we seldom relate at such a deep level? Why is there such a
shortage of friendship? One simple reason: We do not devote ourselves
sufficiently to it. If our relationships are the most valuable commodity we can
own in this world, one would expect that everyone everywhere would assign
friendship highest priority. But for many, it does not even figure in their
list of goals. They apparently assume that love will 'just happen'.
But of course few of the
valuable things in life 'just happen'. When they happen it is because we
recognise their importance and devote ourselves to them. You can have almost
anything you want if you want it badly enough. If you want to run the Boston
Marathon badly enough you probably can do it. And if you want love you can have
that too. It is simply a matter of priorities. Significant relationships come
to those who assign them enough importance to cultivate them. So...Assign top
priority to your relationships" (p21-25).
In a Dr Dobson video called
"Finding God's Will For Your Life" he spoke about viewing your
career, business and personal goals from an end of life perspective given how
some people seem to have it all and find it's not satisfying.
He said that when he had a heart attack there were only three things that
mattered to him at that moment in time. He said that those three important
things are - 1) Who you've loved, 2) Who loves you and 3) What you have done for God. It’s good to have
goals and work towards achieving those but it’s important to keep those three
things in mind when you think about all the wonderful things that you want to
achieve in life.
In Proverbs 27:10
God emphasizes the importance of building and maintaining our friendships when
He says: “Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend.”
In Proverbs 18:24
we also read: “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and
there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother” (KJV). If you
want to have friends then you must make the effort to show yourself friendly
and reach out to others. There are some close friends who will stick by you
every bit, if not more, than even your own family at times.
The twelve disciples of Jesus who later went on
to become apostles were close friends of Jesus (John
15:15). Amongst those friends Jesus was particularly close
to Peter, James and John who saw His transfiguration (Matthew
17:1-2). Of those three John was probably Jesus’ best friend.
He was called the disciple Jesus loved (John
13:23) and was asked by Him to take care of His mother after
His death (John 19:26-27).
Jesus also had a special bond of friendship with Moses (Exodus
33:11) and Abraham who was called the friend of God (James
2:23).
In Proverbs 27:17
we read: “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of
his friend.” A good friend stimulates and challenges us to be a better person.
In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 we read: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for
their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who
is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.”
This verse shows us the benefit of having good friends who will help and
encourage us when we are feeling down and need support through life.
When I first started
attending church I was painfully shy and I struggled a lot talking with people.
I didn’t like being that way at all and I did everything that I could to break
out of my shell through much hard work and little help from my peers at the
time.
The one thing that I found
most helpful in developing my conversational skills was developing the habit of
remembering anything that I ran across that I could use for future
conversations, whether it be stories, jokes, observations or all the many
things that I read, watch or write about and try to remember as much detail as
I can about them. It doesn’t take long after you apply yourself to doing that
before you have plenty of things stored away that you can use for future
conversations. It’s helpful to think of good conversation as a gift that we
give to other people.
It also helps to develop
more of a child-like wonder and enthusiasm to share the things that you
remember for future conversations, not to mention having a strong natural
curiosity to know all you can about people you meet without being too forward.
Even if we struggle to be
creative and come up with conversation the least we can do is to be as
responsive to the other person as possible so they will be encouraged to keep
on talking. If we can do that and keep them talking there’s more chance they’ll
say something that we can relate to and talk about. At least, listen and learn
more about what the other person is interested for next time you meet.
We communicate our interest
in many ways non-verbally as well as verbally. The sort of positive feedback
that I find encourages me to keep talking are things like someone smiling a lot
when I’m talking, laughing when my jokes aren’t too bad, good eye contact, the
other person having fun and kidding along with me and also asking questions about
what I’m talking about. I find that the more that other people give in
conversation the more I’ve got to work with in discussing things related to it.
In other words, we feed off each other.
There are two major reasons
why we feel shy around others. The first is a fear of not having something to
say and the conversation falling flat. By developing a storehouse in your mind
of things to talk about you can develop the confidence to overcome that fear.
Even if the conversation goes quiet it’s not the end of the world. There are
far worse things that can happen in life so keep a positive, light-hearted
perspective and move on to someone else.
The other reason why we can
be shy at times is a fear that the other person won’t like you. In the church
this shouldn’t be a problem as we should be accepting, friendly people. Try not to think
negatively. Expect a positive response from others you feel like going up and
talking to. More often than not they will be more than happy to talk to you. If
not, then remember that it’s their problem, not yours.
If you are shy
remember that most people are often just as shy and insecure as you. That
realization is all that it takes sometimes to take the edge off the nerves and
make you feel confident enough to go up and talk to someone. If someone I know
well is talking to someone I feel shy about approaching I try and take
advantage of those opportunities to meet the other person since they are
talking to someone I’m already comfortable with.
If you
are shy or want to know more about how to build friendships there are many
books available on developing friendship and social skills. The are plenty of
resources out there but you have to make the conscious choice to seek that help
and apply it in your life. Some books that I do recommend are “How to Start a Conversation
and Make Friends” by Don Gabor, "The Friendship Factor" by Alan Loy
McGuinnis, “Friends and Friendship”
by Jerry and Mary White and “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale
Carnegie.
Over the years I’ve heard people talk a lot about how friendly or
cliquey various church areas are and I have made a couple of observations about
the friendliness of people and church areas. The first is that friendliness is
not a black and white issue. There are varying degrees of friendliness or how
deep is your love to paraphrase the Bee Gees. The second observation that I
have made is that there are two distinct components to friendliness.
Those
two components are the breadth of a person’s friendliness (How widely they mix)
and the second is the depth of one’s friendliness (How deeply you build your
friendships as opposed to only taking a rather superficial interest in others).
I would encourage all of us, if we want greater unity in the church here, to be
aware of what we can do to help
create a sense of belonging for everyone and do what we can.
We
read in Acts 2:44 about the early New
Testament church that “all who believed were together and had all things in
common”. We see that they had a burning desire to spend as much time together
as possible and look out for one another’s needs. Is that true of us?
We all
have a certain emptiness in our hearts that longs to be filled. So many have
fallen into the trap of pursuing every doctrinal novelty and self-interest under
the sun in order to fill that void when it is only the love of God APPLIED
in our lives that will fill that emptiness. In fact, there is great pleasure in
planning and acting on doing good things and being kind to others. There is a
lot of pleasure in building good friendships. To finish this section off I’d
like to give you my ten commandments or suggestions for building good
friendships :-
1)
Make your friendships top priority.
2) Be open about yourself and your feelings.
3) Be liberal with your praise and
encouragement.
4) Be generous with your acts of kindness and
giving.
5) Make regular time for interesting
conversation and activities with your friends.
6) Give people the space they need in your
friendships with them.
7) Show enthusiasm in what your friends are
interested in.
8) Be a genuine listener to what your friends
have to say.
9) Be expressive of your affection of others
through kind words and physical affection when appropriate.
10)
Be loyal to your friends by never breaking a confidence and regularly seeking
their company through good times and bad.
10] What are the keys to
a happy marriage?
Why
did God ordain the human relationship of marriage? In Malachi
2:14-15 God tells us one of the reasons
for the institution of marriage. We read: “The Lord has been witness
between you and the wife of your youth…she is your wife and your wife
by covenant. But did He not make them one having a remnant of the spirit?
And why one? He seeks godly offspring.”
God is reproducing Himself through mankind and parents have a heavy responsibility
and vital role in that process. Herbert W. Armstrong's in his article “Why
the Family?” (WCG brochure “Love, Marriage and Sex”) answers
the question of why God created marriage with these words:
“Animals reproduce. But animals do not marry! Animals are born with instinct.
They need little or no teaching. As soon as a calf is born, it will begin
to stagger to its feet, while the cow just stands waiting. She does not need
to teach her calf how to walk, how to take its food, how to do anything. A
little wobbly and unsteady the first minutes, the calf is soon up and walking.”But
with humans all this is different. The newborn human does not get up and walk
immediately to its food. The tiny baby is helpless. It has mind—but at
birth there is NO KNOWLEDGE as yet in its mind. It must be taught! It needs
parents to teach it! It matures so very much more slowly than other creatures!
Yet its potentiality is infinitely higher! And for this higher purpose, parental
guidance and FAMILY LIFE are NECESSARY!…
“The FAMILY relationship demands the HUSBAND-AND-WIFE relationship! And
that demands MARRIAGE and faithfulness to that matrimonial bond!” (p.1)
So what are the keys to a happy and successful marriage? Here are 10 major
keys to a good marriage.
1] BE COMMITTED TO YOUR SPOUSE
God's original desire for marriage is that it be between one man and one
woman for life but God allowed divorce under restricted conditions because
of the hardness of men's hearts.
In Matthew
19:3-9 we read: “The Pharisees also
came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce
his wife for just any reason?' And He answered and said to them, 'Have
you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male
and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother
and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they
are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let
not man separate.'
“They said to Him, 'Why then did Moses command to give a certificate
of divorce, and to put her away?' He said to them, 'Moses, because of the
hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the
beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except
for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever
marries her who is divorced commits adultery.'”
Marriage is meant for life! The only allowable situations where divorce is
allowed are instances of persistent unrepented sexual immorality (Matthew
19:9) and where an unconverted spouse
is not pleased to dwell with a believer (1
Corinthians 7:13-15).
“The expression 'till death do us part' may seem old fashioned or passé
to many young people. But those same couples may be suffering loneliness,
emptiness and misery if they leave that concept out of their marriages.
“Yet today, most people take for granted the modern option of leaving
their mate and forsaking their marriage vows. Many couples plan for the eventuality
of divorce by having a lawyer write up a prenuptial agreement. Then they promise
to stay together for life, but insist on acting 'prudently' to protect their
assets in case the marriage doesn't last. This idea may seem wise and prudent,
but is it really? No!
“The common acceptance of the 'escape hatch' of an easy divorce creates
a vicious cycle. The more some people divorce, the easier it seems for others
to do likewise. And the breakdown of a society has begun! Nearly all thoughtful
men and women realize that a stable home and family is basic for a decent
society. As our homes and marriages come apart, so the wildness, ruthlessness
and violence in our society will increase…
“Throughout your married life, always remember that it is GOD who
made you 'one.' In a true marriage, a man and woman covenant before God to
take each other as mates for life. Under all normal circumstances, you should
stay together. If need be, you should pray and work to save your marriage.
“In Malachi
2:13-16, our Creator shows why He sometimes
withholds His blessing: 'You cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with
weeping and crying; so He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive
it with good will from your hands. Yet you say, 'For what reason?' Because
the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom
you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.
But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one?
He seeks godly offspring.
“Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously
with the wife of his youth. 'For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates
divorce, for it covers one's garment with violence,' says the LORD of hosts.
'Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.'
“Notice that God says plainly that He hates divorce! So should you. That
doesn't mean you hate divorced people. Neither does God...
“If we would truly do this--and make a real commitment when we marry--then
we could work out any problems that might arise. We could learn the lessons
of giving, sharing and forgiving in a way that only marriage can teach. Our
faithfulness to our mates shows our Maker that our commitment to Him will
also be lasting”(p.2-5).
In his book “The Secret of Loving” Josh McDowell makes the following
comments on the subject of conflict in marriage:
“There is a phrase I want you to remember. It is simply this: It is more
rewarding to resolve a conflict than dissolve a relationship. Of course, it
is much easier just to walk away than to put forth the effort to resolve a
conflict. But the reward of staying is that every time you resolve a conflict
you come out a better person - better able to deal with the inevitable conflicts
the future will bring.
“Sometimes we forget that relationships are part of God's initial grand
design. God said in Genesis
2:18, 'It is not good for man to be alone'…To
experience the blessing that God intended for us to have in relationships
we must go against the false wisdom of our day and resolve our conflicts.
“Today you are encouraged to demand your rights and have it your way…The
elevation of self above others has created an 'I'm number one' philosophy
which does not teach us to build lasting relationships and to resolve conflict.
If winning is everything for you, you may reach a few personal goals but you
will sacrifice relationships along the way. Relationships are built by yielding
not winning. We must therefore rise above our culture if we want to experience
intimate, fulfilled relationships…
“Have you ever felt good after resolving a conflict? If so, you will
agree that there are positive benefits from conflict…I have become more
sensitive to the hurts and feelings of other people as a result of conflict”
(p. 102-104)
In his book “Letters to Phillip” Charlie Shedd makes these comments
on marriage:
“In one town where I lived two rivers met. There was a bluff high above
them where you could sit and watch their coming together. It was a wonderful
place for lovers to park and study miscellaneous matters of communication.
I am not thinking right now what you think I am thinking. What I am wishing
is that I could take you and Marilyn there and then leave you to watch those
two rivers in their meeting.
“You would observe that well upstream, before they united, each river
flowed gently along. But right at the point of their union, look out! Those
two nice streams came at each other like fury. I have actually seen them on
days when it was almost frightening to watch. They clashed in a wild commotion
of frenzy and confusion. They hurled themselves head on as if each was determined
that the other should end its existence right there.
“Then, as you watched, you could almost see the angry white caps pair
off, bow in respect to each other, and join forces as if to say 'Let us get
along now. Ahead of us there is something better.' Sure enough, on downstream,
at some distance, the river swept steadily on once more. It was broader there,
more majestic, and it gave you the feeling that something had been fashioned
out of the conflict.
“A good marriage is often like that. When two independent streams
of existence come together there will probably be some dashing of life against
life at the juncture. Personalities clash. Ideas contend for power and habits
vie for position. Sometimes, like the waves, they throw up a spray that leaves
you breathless and makes you wonder where has the loveliness gone. But that's
all right. Like the two rivers, what comes out of their struggle may be something
deeper, more powerful than what they were on their own” (p.82-83).
“Faithfulness in marriage in its truest sense means therefore sexual
fidelity and much more. It means the faithful discharge of duties by husband
and wife. It means dependability, trustworthiness of character, strength in
adversity, and loyalty…Faithfulness is a communicable attribute of God.
It is a mark of strength and character in a man, whereas unfaithfulness in
any realm is a mark of weakness and sin” (The Institutes of Biblical
Law, p.447).
2) HAVE GOOD, OPEN COMMUNICATION IN YOUR MARRIAGE
Conversation is the lifeblood of relationships so it is vital to develop
the ability to have free-flowing conversation with your spouse. There are
three levels of conversation – facts, opinions and feelings. Conversation
that flows well in a relationship has a healthy level of all three of these
levels on a wide range of subjects and common interests.
It is also important that we speak “the truth in love” (Ephesians
4:15). We are to be both honest and show
love with all that we communicate with our spouses. In his book “The
Secret of Loving” Josh McDowell makes these comments about communication
in marriage:
“One of the keys to communication and to developing intimacy is to realize
that the other person is not only trying to understand but he or she really
cares. This empathy will cause both individuals to be more open in the relationship.
When, on the other hand, you sense that the other person doesn't want to listen,
or is not trying to understand you, it affects your self-esteem.
“You soon begin to withdraw because you feel that what you have to say
is not being viewed as important. You start to feel that you are not important
and the relationship moves into a danger zone. Previous biases or negative
expectations must be set on the shelf to keep them from distorting the conversation
you are having. Our commitment must be to really hear the other person, regardless
of differing convictions or disagreements…
"'Attention to what our mate says,' writes Richard Austin, 'is one measure
of our respect. Too often we hear the words of a conversation but do not really
hear the message. Listening to words and hearing the message are quite different'…
“Really listening says to another person, 'You are important! You are
of great value!' Respect begins with listening.”Listening is one of the
most profound ways to show someone that you take them seriously; that you
care; that you value their opinion. Dr. David Augsburger puts it this way,
'An open ear is the only believable sign of an open heart.' Here's how Augsburger
relates effective listening to a person's self-esteem:”If you listen
to me, then I must be worth hearing.If you ignore me, I must be a bore.If
you approve of my views or values, then I have something of worth to offer.If
you disapprove of my comment or contribution, then I apparently had nothing
to say.If I cannot be with you without using your comments for self-evaluation,
then leveling will be impossible. If I am preoccupied with what you think
of me, then I have already shut you out'…
”Being
positive is a real plus factor in communications. It promotes openness with
your mate, whereas criticism tends to hinder healthy communication. Two very
critical people may communicate, but it will not be healthy communication.
By nature we each tend to accentuate and remember the negative…
“The ratio of praise to criticism in a conversation ought to be a healthy
90 percent praise and 10 percent criticism. Are you a positive communicator
with people? It will be far easier for them to reach out to you and share
if your orientation is positive” (p.62-64).
In his chapter on communication in “The Secret of Loving” Josh
McDowell offers these 11 points on becoming a better communicator in marriage:
1. Work at It
2. Learn to Compromise
3. Seek to Understand
4. Affirm Your Spouse's Worth, Dignity, and Value
5. Be Positive and Encouraging
6. Practice Confidentiality
7. Wait for the Right Time
8. Share Your Feelings
9. Avoid Mind Reading
10. Give a Response
11. Be Honest
One of the most outstanding books there is on how to love your wife is
Charlie Shedd's book “Letters to Phillip”. In his book he has these
things to say about how to communicate with and treat your wife:
“There are three things I aim to do every day as a husband:
- Tell her I love her
- Do something nice
for her
- Pay her a compliment
“The truth is that this only sounds simple. But you try these as a regular discipline and you will see that they 'say' easier than they 'do'. And the toughest of these to remember may be number three…(p.29)
“How to Treat a Woman in Public
- When you enter the
room, take her arm and come in smiling. If you look happy, she will, and
God knows the world needs encouragement.
- Walk proud! Act like
you are thinking 'How could I be so fortunate?' If you stick out your chest
she will too. Most women look better that way.
- Say something nice
when you introduce her. I mean about her. This is good practice and it lifts
her spirits. If you make her feel good, you feel good also.
- When you sit down
to dinner, hold her chair! Then pat her on the shoulder and smile. Keep
smiling till she looks up. She'll soon catch on and it becomes a ritual.
This is a very good thing.
- When the conversation
lags ask her a question! Be sure you choose one she can answer. Make it
one of her favourite subjects and always wait for her reply. Never forget,
smart people make others feel smart.
- Never, and I mean
never, fuss over little points in her story. Who cares whether the roses
were true pink or only a faded red? If she is all wrong, somebody else can
set her straight. But not you.
- After dinner, if you
get separated, look her up once in a while. Be sure she is pleasantly situated.
Tell her you missed her and is she all right?
- When you are ready
to go, hold her coat, take her arm and open the car door for her! Not many
men do and she knows it. This makes her somebody special.
- On the way home take
her hand and tell her how proud you were to have her along. A very good
procedure. It pays off later.
- Sometime when you
are with her mother alone, tell her how much you appreciate her daughter.
No woman alive could keep this to herself, and nothing does more for your
wife than a compliment coming in sideways!…(p. 54-55)
“A Half-dozen Nevers…
- Never point in
derision to something that she can't change.
- Never criticise
her in public.
- Never compare
her unfavourably with other women.
- Never drop a delayed
bomb… What I have in mind is something like this: Suddenly telling
her you don't like something she's been doing a long time…If she
thinks at all, she's going to be asking, 'What else doesn't he like?'
It makes her nervous.
- Never go away
when she's crying.
- Never lay a hand
on her except in love” (p.63-66).
3] GIVE PLENTY OF QUALITY TIME TO YOUR SPOUSE
Dr Meredith in his booklet “How to Have a Joyous Marriage” makes these comments on giving plenty of quality time to your spouse:
“Before you even become officially engaged, you had better become 'best friends' with your future mate--and mean it. You had better find out if you truly have a whole range of interests in common--besides sex and romance!
“In a truly happy marriage, the two individuals are to become like one person. There is to be a oneness of mind, body, emotions, attitudes and a sharing in nearly every aspect of life.
“This doesn't mean that a man can never play basketball, handball, pool, or cards with other men occasionally. Good masculine companionship once in a while helps a husband to be more of a man. This gives him more confidence and more of a release for a particular part of his nature that ought to be expressed with other men.
“But if a husband is always playing cards, basketball, baseball, or pool with other men--or away from home trying to make it big on the job--then this takes him mentally, emotionally and physically away from his wife and children. A continuing practice of this is wrong! It is breaking the commandment of Christ that a man is to cleave to his wife.
“Where is your 'heart'? How and where do you spend your time? Husbands and wives need special time together--sometimes apart even from the children. Get a babysitter, if you can, and go out to dinner or to a concert once in a while. You can walk, hand in hand, as you used to do when you were courting and dating--dance together, talk together and love together.
“You
can even take short trips together. Then you will appreciate the children
more, because you've been away from them for a few days (not several weeks
or months) perhaps once or twice a year. This doesn't hurt them at all,
if they are properly trained and your family is emotionally close as it
should be” (p. 6-8).
- Never point in
derision to something that she can't change.
“Another thing
to remember is that women go for ingenuity. The little secret things between
you; the games you play in your courting; the happy surprises she wasn't expecting
– these tell her many things. One thing they say is that you are putting
her high on your agenda, and this has to be good. You are thinking of ways
to please her, and a woman will glow inside when she knows you've secretly
been planning her happiness.
“Let me give you an example of one man's ingenuity and how it works
to advantage in their marriage. I heard this one day at the golf course. We
were discussing 'golf widows' and the men were bemoaning their wives' complaints.
This fellow listened them through. Then when the time was right, he said,
'You never hear my wife cry, do you? The reason is we made a deal. When I
play on Saturday, I take her to dinner that night. This way she's got something
to look forward to. I even notice now that she feels sort of bad when I don't
play!'” (Letters to Phillip, p.44-45).
Dr Dobson gives us these helpful insights on better managing our time in marriage
so we can spend more time with our spouse:
“Most Americans maintain a 'priority list' of things to purchase when
enough money has been saved for that purpose. They plan ahead to reupholster
the sofa or carpet the dining room floor or buy a newer car. However, it is
my conviction that domestic help for the mother of small children should appear
on that priority list too. Without it, she is sentenced to the same responsibility
day in and day out, seven days a week. For several years, she is unable to
escape the unending burden of dirty diapers, runny noses and unwashed dishes.
It is my belief that she will do a more efficient job in those tasks and be
a better mother if she can share that load occasionally. More explicitly,
I feel she should get out of the house completely for one day, doing something
for sheer enjoyment. This seems more important to the happiness of the home
than buying new drapes or a power saw for Dad...
“Husbands and wives should constantly guard against the scourge of overcommitment.
Even worthwhile and enjoyable activities become damaging when they consume
the last ounce of energy or the remaining free moments in the day. Though
it is rarely possible for a busy family, everyone needs to waste some time
every now and then – to walk along kicking rocks and thinking pleasant
thoughts. Men need time to putter in the garage and women need to pluck their
eyebrows and do girlie things again. But as I have described, the whole world
seems to conspire against such reconstructive activities. Even our vacations
are hectic: 'We have to reach St Louis by sundown or we'll lose our reservations.'
“I can provide a simple prescription for a happier, healthier life but
it must be implemented by the individual family. You must resolve to slow
your pace, you learn to say no gracefully; you must resist the temptation
to chase after more pleasures, more hobbies, more social entanglements; you
must hold the line with the tenacity of a tackle for a professional football
team, blocking out the intruders and defending the home team. In essence,
three questions should be asked about every new activity which presents itself:
Is it worthy of our time? What will be eliminated if it is added? What will
be its impact on our family life? My suspicion is that most of the items in
our busy day would score rather poorly on this three item test (What Wives
Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women, p.53-54).
4] MARRIAGE MEANS GIVING
“God wants husbands and wives to be lovers…The first way to love
your mate is with the love expressed by the Greek word agape. This is the
word translated in 1 Corinthians
13 as 'love' or, in the Authorized Version,
'charity.'”Agape means unconditional, unselfish giving. In marriage agape
could be defined as a willful commitment to give to your imperfect mate without
expecting to get in it return. You consciously, under all circumstances, make
a lifelong commitment to never stop giving to your mate” (article - “Five
Ways to Love Your Mate”, WCG brochure “Love, Marriage and Sex”,
p.10).
Marriage is one of the best training grounds to learn what giving is all about.
From the independence of being single we move into a phase in our life where
we are a part of a partnership requiring us to be balanced with the principles
of give and take and a willingness to compromise when needed.
“Marriage is certainly one of the best places to learn to give. For when
you are constantly living with another person, when you are bound by God in
marriage to that person, you desperately need to learn to give and give and
give in order for that union to be as deeply happy and satisfying as it should
be!
“As the one God intended to take the lead, a husband ought to take the
lead in creating, in marriage, an atmosphere of giving and serving. Then the
wife should surely follow this lead so that each party is trying to give a
wonderful life and marriage to the other, to enrich their partner's life in
every possible way. Otherwise, if both partners are immature, selfish and
just trying to 'get', then big trouble lies ahead!…
“[Ladies] don't "worship" your own careers, your house or your
children. Do not put them ahead of your husband! Put forth time and effort
to be with your husband, to respond to his interests, to return his affection
and to encourage and inspire him in every way you can. Within God's laws,
try every way you can to make his life happy. Smile at him, laugh with him,
kiss him back passionately and make him feel like he is ten feet tall!
“Then, 'your' man--if he is normal--will deeply appreciate the fact that
he married you, will cherish you as his wife, will work even harder to provide
for you and the children, and will certainly try to accommodate any genuine
needs you have. He will spend more time with the children when they are very
young, or sick, or have some special needs…
“If you can use your marriage and your family as a 'training ground,'
to unreservedly love, share and give to others, you will develop the greatest
characteristic of all. Then, from a strong, happy marriage as a base of strength,
that love can flow out from you and your mate to the rest of your family,
friends, neighbors and associates. In every aspect of your married life, learn
to practice the way of give. You will not be sorry(How to Have a Joyous Marriage,
p.11, 21-22, 14).
Joyce Huggett in her book “Growing Into Love” says the following
about giving in marriage:
“Paul Tournier summarises the problem: 'Marriage is not just a question
of sex. It is also a school for self-forgetting.' And who wants to forget
'number one'? Who wants to sacrifice selfish desires? That is the last thing
most people want. And so, while the rewards of marriage attract, its demands
repel.”Marriage is offensive to some because it requires complete renunciation
of personal independence. But independence and self-actualization are twentieth-century
gods.
“Marriage must be viewed as the 'school of self-sacrifice' and a paradox
must be recognised. It is those who allow their needs and concerns to be swallowed
up in an enterprise which rises above selfish desires who discover the meaning
of life, the truth about themselves and the rewards of marriage. Those who
actively pursue self-satisfaction rarely find it. When the limitations of
marriage are accepted, when we resist fretting about 'me' and 'my needs',
a miracle takes place” (p.24-25).
5] BE FORGIVING
“To be happy and remain happy in marriage, you must not only give but
also forgive. There have never been two perfect people on earth, and so no
marriage has ever been truly perfect--as all long-married people understand.
You knew full well when you married that your husband or wife was not perfect.
So you must not hold them up to some unreasonable standard of perfection.
If you do, you will both be perfectly miserable.
“When there are real misunderstandings and hurts--and there will be--you
must learn to forgive. As a real Christian, you are commanded to forgive all
men--so how much more your own mate!
“Jesus Christ, the One who shed His blood for us, stated, 'For if you
forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive
your trespasses' (Matthew
6:14-15).
“You must ask God in prayer to grant you the spirit of forgiveness--the
ability to completely put away all resentment and animosity against others
who have hurt you. And then you need to practice this. Do it regularly. Build
the habit of forgiving others quickly, especially your own mate!…
“There are those who carry grudges. They often brood and fume and smolder
over little hurts and misunderstandings. Are you like this?… Change your
pattern of thinking. Don't allow yourself to get hurt so easily [Ephesians
4:2]. Pray your heart out to God who
is called "the Father of mercies" (2
Corinthians 1:3). As He forgives us again
and again, so must we forgive others--including our mates.
“The apostle Peter asked Jesus, "Lord, how often shall my brother
sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" (Matthew
18:21). Think about it! Sometimes your
mate will offend you (though you probably shouldn't be so sensitive!) many
times in one day!
“Jesus understood. He knew that we all need forgiveness from God and
from each other again and again. So Jesus answered, "I do not say to
you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven" (verse
22). So love your mate. Forgive your
mate. Don't carry grudges.
“Remember how difficult it must be for him or her to live with you!
If you were someone else, how would you like to have to put up with all the
mistakes and foibles that you exhibit almost every week of your life? Remind
yourself that you cannot be happy 'hating' your mate. Learn to genuinely forgive,
forget and move forward to a truly joyous and satisfying life” (How to
Have a Joyous Marriage, p.15-17).
“Forgiveness when regularly practiced in marriage, however, leads to
increased intimacy because it spawns open communication. If someone loves
you despite your faults and accepts you even after you've wronged them, you
can't help but respond to that person with an even deeper love” (The
Secret of Loving, p.123).
6] ROMANCE AND FUN
In Ecclesiastes
4:9-11 we read: “Two are
better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they
fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is
alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. Again,
if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone?”
They say that joy shared is joy doubled. Marriage provides a wonderful opportunity
to share life and double our joy with a special someone in life. Marriage
gives us the chance to double the joy of a special someone that we care for.
We all need a proper balance between work and play and this is also very important
in marriage. While we have to be responsible and work to earn a living and
take care of the chores and needs of a household, we also need time to play
as well in marriage. Romance and fun are just as vital to the health of any
marriage.
“Most courtships and marriages begin with romance and fun. The young
couple spends a lot of time together. They go to the beach, the mountains
or the park. They eat together. They go out dancing, or to the museum, libraries
or movies. Above all, they have long, intimate talks with each other--looking
into each other's eyes, exulting in the romance of love. And they have fun.
“In most cases, they laugh and kiss and kid around and really enjoy the
getting-to-know-you stage of courtship. Life takes on a special glow because
of their attraction to each other--and because they are using that attraction
to enhance and make special the sharing of all their activities and intimate
moments together.
“But all too often--a few weeks or months after the marriage--this fun
and romance begins to leave the marriage. Often, life becomes hum-drum and
dull and one or both marriage partners start asking themselves, 'What went
wrong?' Why?
“There are often a number of reasons, of course...The man may begin very
quickly to take his wife for granted. Instead of continuing to court her as
she had been used to, he now very seldom takes her out, very seldom has long,
intimate talks with her, very seldom whispers 'sweet nothings' in her ear.
“Often, after marriage, the man buries himself in his career. And, after
work, he may simply plop himself in front of the television and proclaim that
he is too tired to go out, or to have friends over, or even to have a long
walk, or talk with his wife.
“Instead of this, a man needs to treat his wife as a sweetheart. He needs
to cultivate and build an atmosphere of love, romance and intimacy in their
home--kissing his wife when he returns from work, holding her hand as they
are taking walks, and embracing her often throughout the day with free and
lavish affection.”
“True love certainly involves deep and abiding respect. A man ought to
be grateful and thankful that the woman who is his wife has decided to leave
her own estate and cleave to him above all others unto death. He ought to
appreciate that fact--and the many, many good qualities of help, patience
and service which practically every wife possesses. He ought to encourage
and bring out the best in her--not constantly harp and carp away at her in
belittling criticism which only causes her, in most cases, to degenerate and
respond in kind.
“Men, if you will do this, most normal women will respond with love and
appreciation. Your wife will want to be your sweetheart. She will be thrilled
to be sincerely loved and appreciated, and will repay your love in a hundred
different ways” (How to Have a Joyous Marriage, p.17-18).
Dr Dobson in “What Wives Wish Their Husbands Understood About
Women” writes:
“If I had the power to communicate only one message to every family in
America, I would specify the importance of romantic love to every aspect of
feminine existence. It provides the foundation for a woman's self-esteem,
her joy in living and her sexual responsiveness. Therefore the vast number
of men who are involved in bored, tired marriages – and find themselves
locked out of the bedroom – should know where the trouble possibly lies.
Real love can melt an iceberg” (p.117).
At the beginning of a sermon of marriage one minister asked the congregation
what was the most romantic verse in the Bible. After a few guesses he said
that the verse that he felt that was the most romantic verse in the Bible
was Genesis
29:20 which reads: “So Jacob served
seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because
of the love he had for her.” Working for his sweetheart, Rachel, was
a labour of love.
In his book “The Romance Factor” Alan Loy McGuiness makes these
comments about love and romance:
“What we are talking about, of course, is the heart of love - a desire
to make another happy. It is the surest sign that you are in love when you
find yourself planning and scheming ways to bring happiness to another. It
is well illustrated by a man who had fallen newly in love with a golden woman
who was an ex-cheerleader and from whom emanated an energetic, moving, sensual
allure. He said to me, 'In my fantasies about her, it's not so much sex with
her that I long for, although that's certainly part of it. More than anything
else, it's a desire to make her happy. I fantasize about strolling down Fifth
Avenue with her on a fall day, buying a hot pretzel from a vendor, and then
seeing the delight in her face as she eats it. That's love for me—doing
things that would make her happy.'
”Most
people who have been soundly in love have had that overpowering desire to
make the beloved happy, even if it requires some sacrifice. The sacrifice
does not seem to matter, because they are getting their happiness from seeing
the pleasure of the people they love. When this happens in your own relationship,
you have experienced not only one of the greatest ecstasies possible in this
life, but also a perfect example of the Christian ethic at work. You have
transcended yourself...
“Research shows that there are several preconditions for ecstasy. In
her excellent book Ecstasy, Marghanita Laski (who is not a psychologist at
all, interestingly enough, but a novelist and literary critic) calls these
preconditions 'ecstatic triggers.' These circumstances are not to be confused
with the experience itself, because they frequently occur without bringing
about any heightened awareness. But they happen so often in conjunction with
peak experiences that they are important to examine. The most common triggers
are:
“Art, especially music
Natural scenery
Play and rhythmic movement
Religion
Discovery of new knowledge
Creative work
Beauty
Childbirth
Sexual love
”One
cannot help being struck by the frequency with which most couples combine
these experiences when they fall in love...Most expert lovers manage instinctively
to employ nearIy every one of these inductors to heighten the experience.
That is, the pleasure resides not merely in the enjoyment of the beloved;
it is by a host of ecstatic agents” (p.113, 46).
In Letters to Phillip” Charlie Shedd makes these comments about sex in
marriage:
“Warning: Women resent compliments if the only ones they hear are sex
gimmicks. Here are some proofs to the point:
“'How can men be such unimaginative morons? The only time my husband
tells me I'm nice is when he wants sex'…'Whenever he gets rhetorical,
I know what's coming'…'He never flatters me unless we're in bed'…'My
husband has a string of what I call 'bedtime lyrics.' Just once I wish he
would tell me I'm nice without an ulterior motive.'
“That sound you heard may be a snort from the grave of Casanova. No expert
lover would make such stupid mistakes. Tell yourself repeatedly that you must
avoid using anything that smacks of 'using' rather than loving. The surest
safeguard, obviously, is to praise her biscuits and her housekeeping; how
well she manages your money; how nice she looked at the party; the new apron
she made and anything else you like about her.
“Sex for a woman is one of those ultrasensitive things in which it is
almost impossible to hide false motives. Therefore, if you want your sex life
to rank with the best, you'd better keep checking to be sure that sincerity
is a big part of the total relationship” (p.111-112).
In his article “Keeping Romance Alive” Ron Kelly makes these comments
about the need to continue to date your wife after you marry. He writes:
“Not long ago, a couple came to me for counseling. They were having marital
problems. They had been married 12 years and had three children ages 10 to
4. As we talked, I discovered that since their first child was born 10 years
ago, they had not been alone for even one evening! Not one night had they
spent away from the children. Not one dinner for just the two of them. Now,
in one way that is admirable. They certainly had devoted a great deal of time
to the children. But they had neglected each other.
”As the years passed, they had lost the ability to communicate with each other. They had become a father and mother and forgot they were still a husband and wife.
”During the counseling sessions, I recommended they begin to date each other again. It was hard for them. The children had never been left with a baby-sitter. But they made arrangements and went out to a nice dinner. It wasn't a smashing success. But it was a beginning.
”Next month, they did it again. This time it was better. They were more relaxed. They talked. They laughed. They remembered. Now they go out once every few weeks. Every marriage needs that. Not always for dinner. Sometimes, when finances are a little tight, you might take in a free concert. Or go for a drive. Or take a long walk.
”But
once a week—certainly at least two or three times a month—every
married couple needs to get out alone for an evening or afternoon. Just to
be together.
“In addition to regular dates for dinner or entertainment, every marriage profits by spending an occasional few days on a "mini-vacation."
”In counseling, I call these 'escape weekends.' And I advise couples to make such escapes at least once each year — two times a year if time and finances permit. The purpose of doing this is to keep the romance alive.
”I
have counseled hundreds of couples. It's been humorous, sometimes, to see
the reaction when I suggest this kind of getaway. One husband reacted: 'Why,
I can't go away just the two of us for an entire weekend. What on earth would
we talk about that long?' How eloquent. He didn't even realize he had just
showed how important it was. He didn't have in him two days worth of conversation
with his own wife.
“After I had completed a recent lecture on this subject, one couple told
me how they had already put that to practice in their marriage. I thought
their idea was well worth passing on.
”They have a regularly scheduled date. It takes place sometime during the last week of each month. They have set aside an amount in their budget for these dates. It's not a lot. They can't afford a really expensive restaurant. So they have to use creative ideas.
”The
interesting twist was, they alternate months on who plans the date. One month
the husband surprises his wife. The next month it's her turn to plan the evening.
They keep their plans completely secret till the day of the event. Sometimes
it's a picnic. Other times horseback riding at a resort. They have been to
nice but inexpensive restaurants. They have been to concerts and ball games.
“But one thing they each try to do is plan an event that will please
the mate — not something they alone want to do. That makes them think
about the other person and put their own selfish interests in the background.
”Then for their anniversary each year they do the same thing. One year the wife plans a two or three day trip. The next year it's the husband's turn to plan. The only requirement is that they set a budget in advance for the next two times. It has to be the same…
”So
if you thought dating was just for the unmarried, think again. Dating after
marriage is far more important than before the wedding ceremony. Keep the
romantic fires burning. There is nothing more joyful than a long and happy
life together as husband and wife” (Good News, January-February 1988,
p.15-17).
7] LIVE BY GODLY FINANCIAL PRINCIPLES
After poor communication, the single biggest problem in marriage according
to many surveys is financial difficulties.
“Nothing can trouble a relationship faster than problems associated with
mismanaged finances. The reason is suggested by Jesus in Matthew
6:21, 'For where your treasure is, there
will your heart be also.' More than any other discipline, the use of money
tests the motives of a person's heart. Not surprisingly, conflict over finances
is one of the major causes of divorce today…
“Since you will bring your spending habits with you into your marriage,
it is important that you develop healthy financial practices while you are
single. The very use or misuse of money can be a dynamic source of friction
in every home. One careless or undisciplined partner can literally devastate
a marriage by his or her poor control and use of money (The Secret of Loving,
p.214-216).
In “What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women” Dr Dobson offers
us the following advice about handling money in marriage:
“Though I can make no claim to wealth, I have tasted most of the things
Americans hunger for: new cars, an attractive home and gadgets and devices
which promise to set us free. Looking at those materialistic possessions from
the other side of the cash register, I can tell you that they don't deliver
the satisfaction they advertise! On the contrary, I have found great wisdom
in the adage, 'That which you own will eventually own you!' How true that
is! Having surrended my hard earned dollars for a new object only obligates
me to maintain and protect it; instead of its contributing to my pleasure,
I must spend my precious Saturdays oiling it, mowing it, painting it, repairing
it, cleaning it or calling the Salvation Army to haul it off. The time I might
have invested in worthwhile family activities is spent in slavery to a depreciating
piece of junk…
“Let me ask you to recall the most worthless, unnecessary expenditure
you made in the last year. Perhaps it was an electric can opener which now
sits in the garage or a suit of clothes which will never be worn. Do you realize
that this item was not purchased with your money; it was bought with your
time which was traded for money. In effect, you swapped a certain proportion
of your allotted days on earth for that piece of junk which now clutters you
home. Furthermore, no power on earth could retrieve the time which you squandered
on this purchase. It is gone forever. We are investing our lives in worthless
materialism, both in the original expenditures and on subsequent upkeep and
maintenance…
“When I reach the end of my days, a moment or two from now, I must look
backward on something more meaningful than the pursuit of houses and land
and machines and stocks and bonds. Nor is fame of any lasting benefit. I will
consider my earthly existence to have been wasted unless I can recall a loving
family, a consistent investment in the lives of people, and an earnest attempt
to serve the God who made me. Nothing else makes much sense and certainly
nothing else is worthy of my agitation! (p.106-108)
Dexter Faulkner in his article “A Balanced Family Budget” says the
following about how to manage finances in a family:
“Let's look at the principles of budget revealed in the Bible, and learn
how to overcome money troubles once and for all. First, here are four keys
of financing. They are essential before any budget can be put into operation:
“1) Make budgeting a family project. Get everyone involved. Of course,
the husband as head of the family should take the lead in planning and sticking
to a budget. But the counsel and cooperation of every family member is necessary.
“If you are a husband, remember that you and your wife are 'heirs together
of the grace of life' (1
Peter 3:7). By all means consult your
wife on how the family income is spent. Perhaps she has more time or skill
than you to devote to record-keeping, or to the mechanical process of writing
the checks to pay the bills. At the least, your wife should be aware of what
is happening, so she can offer wise counsel and be able to handle the job
if anything should happen to you.
“Children, too, need to develop the right attitude toward finances. They
can learn about tithing, budgeting, saving and getting the best value for
their money. This includes making wise purchases and not spending money frivolously.
“2) Buy quality. The cheapest is not always the best. Often, those who
always choose the cheapest develop personalities that reflect this point of
character. We tend to act differently when using something expensive. When
making purchases, realize that many 'bargains' are not always what they seem
to be. Shop wisely. Evaluate an item by more than price alone. In the way
it will affect you psychologically, an item of slightly higher price may be
a far better investment.
”3) Save. A big source of misery in family money matters is the habit
of living without a savings. Some are convinced that saving is out of the
question for them. But most people would not be in the trouble they are in
had they only learned to practice this law of finances earlier.
“Proverbs
6:6-8 tells us to learn from the ant,
who 'provides her supplies in the summer, and gathers her food in the harvest.'
In other words, she has a savings of food to tide her over the rough spots
and the winter. Even if you are in financial difficulties, you need to begin
a savings. It need not be large at first, just enough to develop the habit
in you. Later, when you have gotten out of trouble, you will have established
the pattern in your life. Many people live so close to the edge that just
one extra bill pushes them over the edge into financial oblivion. How good
it would be to have enough savings to pay that one bill you did not anticipate.
It is easy to have it if you will just start putting a small amount away from
each of your future paychecks.
“4) Avoid credit buying. Just as some think it impossible to save, some
are convinced they cannot get along without charge accounts. The fact is that
you must get along without them, or you will never enjoy financial happiness.
“Despite how much you are presently tied to revolving interest payments,
you need to start getting away from them. It may take some time to break their
stranglehold, but it will be worth it to your peace of mind. Solomon wrote,
'The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender'
(Proverbs
22:7). Start today to have the strength
of character to wait until you can save the cash. It costs much more to pay
the interest on borrowed money than it would to save the money ahead of time.
“Avoid spending sprees. Almost every charge account is set up on a minimum
monthly charge of 1 1/2 percent - that's 18 percent a year. And many charge
more. Yet when you have cash, you can not only save the carrying charges,
but can often buy at a discount. Of course, in certain cases today credit
buying has almost become a necessity. The principle to follow, however, is
that credit purchases should be made for necessities only - such as a car
or home. Never should you buy luxuries on credit. Television sets, sporting
goods and hobby supplies should be paid for in cash. It is usually these items
that give people trouble in credit buying. It just seems so easy to buy the
extras now and delay the payment until later. Don't fall into this trap.
“Credit cards should not be used on major purchases where you are forced
to carry the payment beyond the initial billing period. In other words, don't
charge anything that you can't pay for completely when the bill first comes.
Interest rates are so high on credit-card purchases that you will end up paying
much more for the items than if you had paid cash” (How to Have a Happy
Marriage, p.24-28)
We should have a proactive rather than reactive budget. That means we have
savings ahead of time to cover our bills we know about in advance rather than
paying bills in a reactive way. The way to do this is to save a certain percentage
of each bill each pay eg. If you have an annual bill for $600 and you get
paid monthly you save $50 each monthly pay to cover that bill and so on with
each major bill. To save a standard percentage of every bill ahead of time
takes a bit of work to get to if you haven't been doing it and you have to
first catch up with urgent bills but it is well worth the effort.
“By saving a standard amount for each bill from each check, the worry
of budgeting disappears. Your list of standard amounts automatically tells
you how to do the job. Once properly set up, this budget needs only occasional
thought, as contrasted with the constant headache of fitting each individual
bill into the money on hand. What's more, with this budget you are not forgetting
any items or wasting any money” (How to Have a Happy Marriage, p.29).
8] UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN
In 1
Peter 3:7 we read: “Husbands, likewise,
dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to
the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life,
that your prayers may not be hindered.” We are to make the effort to
understand our spouses and a proper understanding of our spouse isn't possible
without understanding the differences between men and women.
Two books that I recommend to help spouses understand the differences between
the two sexes are Cecil Osborne's book “The Art of Understanding Your
Mate” and Dr Dobson's classic book “What Wives Wish Their Husbands
Understood About Women”. Cecil Osborne makes these comments on the difference
between the sexes as they pertain to marriage:
“She [the wife] receives a sense of security from knowing that he [the
husband] is strong enough to resist, but wise enough to know when to give
in! She needs to know what is expected of her, but without limiting her freedom
of choice. She wants to be appreciated and to have her self-identity reinforced
by oft-repeated signs of recognition, approval, and affection.
”She
wants, basically, to be a helper, not the boss, but she will seem to seek
dominance as she pushes and tests. She desires to control within her own sphere,
which involves the home and children, yet she needs a husband's concern and
strength. She wants her 'sphere of influence' to be reasonably flexible, depending
upon her fluctuating emotional needs; she wants to have affection expressed
in many ways, both great and small. These needs may vary enormously in degree
from day to day, and she expects her husband to come equipped with a degree
of extrasensory perception so that he can be aware of her variable emotional
states.
“The male sees this womanly personality as a mixture of conflicting,
unrealistic, illogical needs which no man could completely satisfy. But he
has a surprising variety of needs, too. He wants to be made to feel competent,
worthwhile, believed in. He may have inner doubts about whether he is going
to 'make it,' but cannot admit this even to himself, much less to his wife.
He needs to be encouraged without being lectured to, argued with, or criticized.
His ego strength needs to be built up to enable him to function in a highly
competitive society. He wants his self-image reinforced, not torn down by
being shown where he is wrong, even when he is.”
He
wants his self-identity restored subtly with sincerity and much affection,
but in such a way as will not remind him of his mother, lest he be made to
feel like a little boy, especially when he acts like one. He needs a wife-mother
who will not dominate, yet who will minister to his needs; a mistress who
can seduce and be seduced, whether she feels like it or not, who will appear
as attractive to him as the women he meets during the day; a housekeeper who
will take care of the home and children without making him feel guilty when
he doesn't do his part. As the home is an extension of her personality, his
work is an extension of his. He cannot be as much interested in the home as
she, any more than she can be as interested in his work as he is. He needs
to be allowed to have his male pursuits and hobbies without being made to
feel guilty. As she has her female friends and pursuits, he needs his male
interests…
“Men and women are vulnerable to criticism at different points. In general
it can be said that a woman is especially vulnerable in areas pertaining to
her feminine role—getting a husband, rearing her children, and maintaining
her physical appearance. Her self-image can be damaged at any of these points.
Women are often surprised to discover that their husbands seem abnormally
sensitive. Because of a man's greater aggressiveness and capacity to face
obstacles which many women would find threatening, women imagine that men
should be less sensitive. But men are vulnerable, too, in such areas as their
capacity to earn a living (hold a job, win success), in the area of sexual
performance, and in any area which challenges their male image. Obviously
such vulnerability varies from person to person, but in some degree any normal
male feels sensitive to criticism when challenged or criticised at these points…
“The need for security is one of the strongest emotional needs a woman
possesses. The term security does not mean merely financial security, though
this is one aspect. Ideally she gains her security both from a husband whom
she loves, trusts, and admires and from faith in herself as a person. When
the husband begins to falter, if she has considerable anxiety and doubts about
herself, all manner of insecurity is triggered within her.
”A woman's sense of security can be threatened when her husband fails in his work or begins to drink excessively. If, instead of panicking, she can become the helper and give loving emotional support, the husband will have a far better chance of succeeding.
”The
business world is highly competitive. A man can make only a given number of
mistakes before the axe falls. The last thing a man needs in today's world
is to come home to a barrage of criticism and faultfinding. His wife has a
need for security and love, and if she doesn't receive it in proper amounts,
she can easily fall into the trap of becoming her husband's worst enemy—the
one who is doing him the most damage at a time when, of all things, he needs
strong emotional support from his wife” (The Art of Understanding Your
Mate, p.12-13, 34-35, 50-51).
The next quote is from Dr Dobson's book “What Wives Wish Their Husbands
Understood About Women”.
“I would like to stress a fact understood by very few women: self-esteem
is directly related to estrogen levels; hence, it fluctuates predictably through
the twenty-eight day cycle…In the normal menstrual cycle, estrogen peaks
at midcycle (ovulation). Both estrogen and progesterone circulate during the
second half of the cycle, falling off just prior to menstruation. Moods change
with the fluctuating hormone levels; women feel the greatest self-esteem and
the least anxiety and hostility at midcycle…
“The information provided above can be invaluable to a woman who wants
to understand her own body and its impact on her emotions. Most important,
she should interpret her feelings with caution and skepticism during her premenstrual
period. If she can remember that the despair and sense of worthlessness are
hormonally induced and have nothing to do with reality, she can withstand
the psychological nosedive more easily. She should have a little talk with
herself every month, saying: 'Even though I feel inadequate and inferior,
I refuse to believe it. I know I'll feel differently in a few days and it
is ridiculous to let this get me down. Though the sky looks dark, I am seeing
it through a distorted perception. My real problem is physical, not emotional
and it will improve soon.'
“It would be extremely helpful if a husband would learn to anticipate
his wife's menstrual period, recognizing the emotional changes which will
probably accompany it. Of particular importance will be a need for affection
and tenderness during this time, even though she may be rather unlovable for
three or four days. He should also avoid discussions of financial problems
or other earth-shaking topics until the internal storm has passed and keep
the home atmosphere as tranquil as possible. If his wife seems to be sinking
into despair, he should give her the speech described for self-interpretation
in the previous paragraph…
“A closer look at the women's responses reveals a highly significant
trend among American housewives. Fully one-third of the group ranked three
items within the top five (Low Self Esteem; Loneliness, Isolation, Boredom;
and Absence of Romantic Love in Marriage). The ladies were saying in effect:
1) I don't like myself; 2) I have no meaningful relationships outside my home
and 3) I am not even close to the man I love. These three categories obviously
encompass the whole world! These young, attractive wives and mothers admitted
to being emotionally isolated from all other human beings on earth! And therein
lies the greatest source of feminine discontent in twentieth century America”
(p.151-153, 59).
Relating to this subject of wives being emotionally isolated Alan Loy McGuiness
makes these comments about the need to maintain friendships outside the home
that balance the quality time that we need spend with our spouses:
“Part of our strategy for strengthening self-esteem, and thus strengthening
our love lives, should be to widen our circle of friends. In Samuel Johnson's
phrase, to keep our friendships 'in good repair.' Here again, some of this
probably needs to be done independently.
“As I said in an earlier book we make a terrible mistake to drop our
old friends at the altar and to suppose that our socialising from that point
on should be exclusively with other couples. The odds of four people all liking
each other equally are not very good, and if your mate does not find much
in common with your old friends, that should not halt the friendships. If
you happen to find some other couple with whom you are simpatico, that's wonderful,
but if not, you should not feel guilty about cultivating friendships on your
own that meet your emotional needs and keep you stretching.
“I get uneasy when a man says to me, 'My wife is my best friend. I can
tell her everything, so l don't need other close friends.' Your mate should
be your best friend, but not your only friend. There is no way that any one
person can meet all your emotional needs, and to expect your mate to do so
is to put undue pressure on the relationship. If you surround yourself with
supportive and healthy friendships in which you are stimulated to expand your
horizons, you should arrive home from such associations happy. And most of
us find it easiest to love when we are happiest” (The Romance Factor,
p.101-102)
The next lot of quotes comes again from Dr Dobson's “What Wives Wish
Their Husbands Understood About Women” and deal with the sexual differences
between men and women:
“Female
sexual desire tends to be somewhat cyclical, correlated with the menstrual
calendar, whereas males are acyclical…
“Women are much more discriminating in their sexual interests. They
less commonly become excited by observing a good-looking charmer or by the
photograph of a hairy model; rather, their desire is usually focused on a
particular individual whom they respect or admire. A woman is stimulated by
the romantic aura which surrounds her man, and by his character and personality.
She yields to the man who appeals to her emotionally as well as physically.
Obviously there are exceptions to these characteristic desires but the fact
remains: sex for men is a more physical thing; sex for a woman is a deeply
emotional experience…
“If I had the power to communicate only one message to every family in
America, I would specify the importance of romantic love to every aspect of
feminine existence.
It provides the foundation for a woman's self-esteem, her joy in living and
her sexual responsiveness. Therefore the vast number of men who are involved
in bored, tired marriages – and find themselves locked out of the bedroom
– should know where the trouble possibly lies. Real love can melt an
iceberg…
“Many women stand in amazement at how regularly their husbands desire
sexual intercourse. In this instance there is a matter which husband wish
their wives knew about men. When sexual response is blocked, males experience
an accumulating physiological pressure which demands release. Two seminal
vesicles (small sacs containing semen) gradually fill to capacity; as maximum
level is reached, hormonal influences sensitize the man to all sexual stimuli
[this usually occurs between 3 and 7 days]. Whereas a particular woman would
be of little interest to him when he is satisfied, he may be eroticized just
to be in her presence when he is in deprivation.
“A wife may find it difficult to comprehend this accumulating aspect
of her husband's sexual appetite, since her needs are typically less urgent
and pressing. Thus, she should recognize that his desire is dictated by definite
biochemical forces within his body, and if she loves him, she will seek to
satisfy those needs as meaningfully and regularly as possible. I'm not denying
that women have definite sexual needs which seek gratification; rather I am
merely explaining that abstinence is usually more difficult for men to tolerate…
“As long as a husband and wife are satisfied with each other, it doesn't
matter what Cosmopolitan magazine says their inadequacies happen to be. Sex
has become a statistical monster. 'The average couple has intercourse three
times a week! Oh no! What's wrong with us? Are we undersexed?' A husband worries
if his genitalia are of 'average' size, while his wife contemplates her insufficient
bust line. We are tyrannized by the great, new 'sexual freedom' which has
beset us. I hereby make a proposal: let's keep sex in its proper place; sure
it is important, but it should serve us and not the other way around!”
(p.114-121).
9] FULFILL YOUR GODLY ROLES
God created men and women differently and God has assigned us different
roles to play in marriage as a result of the way that He made us. To increase
the happiness of our marriage we need to get more in sync with the roles that
He has assigned for us in marriage. To go against those roles is a recipe
for putting great strain upon our marriages.
These roles are best summed up by these words of the apostle Paul in Ephesians
5:22-33 where we read:
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband
is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior
of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let
the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your
wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that
He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that
He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle
or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands
ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves
himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes
it, just as the Lord does the church.
“For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 'For
this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh.' This is a great mystery, but I speak
concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular
so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects
her husband.”
Charlie Shedd in “Letters to Philip” has this to say about male
leadership in the family:
“The other day I saw an interesting plaque in one of our neighborhood
gift shops…The motto read: WHEREVER DAD SITS IS THE HEAD OF THE TABLE.
I hope that it sells like crazy because this is one of the basic needs of
every home. So one of my first bits of advice on how to treat a woman is 'Take
charge!' For the good of your marriage, for the good of your children-to-be
and for the good of the nation's future I hope that you'll read me loud and
clear…The image here is not that of a mighty potentate sitting on his
throne, ruling his cowering subjects with an iron hand. This is more like
a conductor standing on his box directing a symphony. Delicate but definite!
Subdued, yet powerful.
“As you know, I see many marital problems from the inside. Some things
you wouldn't believe. Others are downright funny. But in some the pain is
awful and among the worst are those where the only right words are 'Get your
foot off the lady's neck, Hitler! You can never win a woman's love by applying
the hobnail boot.'
“What I am saying is that women hate dictators, despots, tyrants and
old meanies – but they respect strong leaders.
“Here are three quotes from the feminine front to show you what I mean.
Number one is the word of a successful lady editor.
“'All day long,' she says, 'I make decisions. I talk with men, deal with
men, compete with men. But at night I long to be all woman. It is so good
to have a man who will open the door, order the meal and give me the feeling
that I can let down now.'
“The next witness is a sweet little wife whose husband obviously knows
what he's doing. 'Once in a while', she smiles, 'Tommy sticks his chest out
and says, 'Now you listen to me, squaw! Get back in your wigwam. I'm the chief
and don't you forget it!' On first hearing, you might think this borders on
rough handling. But this is what she says, 'It's funny what this does. When
he says it nice, I get the best feeling. You know, all secure, and like that!'
“Number three is something else. This poor soul is at the opposite end
of the problem. 'Can you imagine how I felt?' We were hardly home from our
honeymoon when I saw that clearly Lawrence didn't need a home, he needed a
nursery. Now don't get me wrong. I know every man feels like a cry baby some
days and I enjoy mothering him once in a while. But all the time? When is
it my turn?
“I could go on parading a long line of these. Some good. Some bad. But
none quite as sad as the weary women who can't lean because there is nothing
to lean on. Their men are too weak, too careless, too preoccupied, too much
at the office, too long at their cups or too something else to be the strong
male figure at the head of the house.
“Of course, like everything else, there are two sides to this story.
Some juggernaut types may want their men to be submissive. But I also know
good women who took command because somebody had to march the troops and dad
was too weak to do it.
“So take it from me, your wife will love you more if she knows that you
know when to stand up and say, 'Have no fear! Your leader is here!'(p.13-15)
Joyce Huggett in her book “Growing Into Love” has these words to
say about the godly roles of the husband and the wife:”In the past it
was thought that the husband's responsibility stopped at providing for his
wife materially. If he contributed an adequate, regular salary and a roof
over her head, he had fulfilled his duty. He was a successful husband. This
impoverished view of the man's role is unbiblical.
“As Paul puts it, the husband must love his wife in the same way as Christ
loves His bride. This provision is all-inclusive. It is material (Matthew
6:26-32), spiritual (John
3:16), emotional (Ezekiel
16:6) and intensely practical (John
13:5). What is this example saying to
husbands today?
”The discernment of Christ, which recognises not just the surface needs of His bride but which penetrates into the deep recesses of her psyche to recognise and meet her unspoken needs, must also be imitated by Christian husbands. Just as man has a craving to be trusted, his wife has a yearning to be acknowledged and loved for who she is. She has a need to be set free to become the person God made her to be. This is life; the abundant life Jesus promised. How can a husband draw out his wife's fullest potential? The secret lies in Ephesians 5:21. This Christ-like headship expresses itself in self-giving. Even the Son of man came, not to be served, but to serve (Mark 10:45). The pattern for husbands to follow is a superlative standard of self-sacrifice which is unafraid to stoop to do filthy, menial tasks.
”Husbands-to-be, are you prepared to assist your partner in the mundane, domestic chores so that she is free to express herself outside the confines of the home? How do you feel about expressing your love for her in this way?
”When
a husband recognises his wife's latent talents and promotes them, he is expressing
Christ-like love. When a husband acknowledges the sacrifices his wife makes
to create a happy home and makes provision for her to push out the boundaries
of her own existence, it is Christ-like love that he is demonstrating. And
when a man refuses to leave his wife with heart-wounds that will not stop
bleeding, but makes emotional provision for her, he is fulfilling his role
as a husband in the fullest sense of that word. Role fulfillment is not task-oriented;
it is an attitude…
“Thus headship knows nothing of rights to be claimed. It calls forth a superlative standard of self-sacrifice. Headship banishes harshness. Its gentleness draws out the wife's full potential. Headship protects the successful wife and it embraces her when she fails. 'While we were still sinners Christ died for us' (Romans 5:8)…
”The
wife must love her husband (Titus
2:4-5). I have already attempted to highlight
some aspects of marital love. This love includes giving another a zest for
life. Today, so much emphasis is placed on the urgent need women have to receive
education and training to fulfil themselves and find the answer to the 'Who
am I?' question, that we are in danger of ignoring man's deepest need. It
is the need to feel wanted, approved, applauded by his wife…
“Are you contemplating marriage? If so, wives-to-be, are you prepared
to renounce the pursuit of self-actualization, discovering yourself, striving
to keep your career, struggling to centre life on yourself? Are you prepared
to stand by your husband, be loyal to him and support him in his career? How
do you feel about expressing love for him in this way? Do you believe in him?
”And how do you feel about the vocation to motherhood? This is another 'fixed wifely role' which is not only contained in the Bible but which is also a biological fact. The woman conceives babies. This makes inevitable inroads on her career, time, energy, body, hormones and emotions. Are you prepared to accept this role? If not, perhaps you should choose not to marry?
”Of
course, bringing children into the world demands not just motherhood but parenthood.
The need today is for full-time mothers and devoted fathers. How do you feel
about devoting your lives to your future offspring?…
“The world persuades us to seek self first. Self-fulfillment, self-indulgence, self-seeking are preferred to sacrifice. But, as Christians, we are called to run counter to this worldly suggestion. And this submission results in the kind of exhilarating, adventurous, successful partnership which the writer of Proverbs implies.
”This deliberate self-renunciation is hard. But doesn't love want to make sacrifices? John Powell suggests that it does, 'Love implies that I am ready and willing to forgo my own convenience, to invest my own time, and even risk my own security to promote your satisfaction, security and development.' That is submission. It is the inward compulsion of love to love. How do you feel about giving love in this way?
”Jesus models this kind of submission with poise and strength. He rejoiced in His unity with the Father. 'I and the Father are one' (John 10:30). This equality did not prevent His ensuring that He lived and worked in complete alignment with His Father's will. In fact, this equality of love ensured that He wanted only what His Father wanted. And this oneness did not blind Him to the paradoxical nature of their relationship. He could declare, with pride, 'My Father is greater than I' (John 14:28). His Father was the head.
”Just
as Jesus donates all He is and all He has to the Father, so the Christian
wife is required to offer her whole self to her husband. For this paradox,
equality with headship, extends to marriage. Husband and wife are equals,
but the husband is the divinely-appointed chief amongst equals. Is this degrading?
Is it demeaning? Is it insulting the wife? Where headship and submission are
correctly understood and appropriated, the answer to those questions is an
unequivocal 'no'” (p.110-111, 117, 108-110, 116-117).
10] CENTRE YOUR LIVES ON GOD
For our final of our ten points on building a happy marriage I'd like
to begin with a quote from Dr Meredith's booklet “How to Have a Joyous
Marriage”. He writes:
“This final key is no doubt the most important point of all. If you truly
put your Creator and His ways at the very center of your marriage, then everything
else is going to work much better.
“The Creator God is the one who created man and woman for marriage. He
set forth laws governing the marriage union. He desires His children to have
beautiful and rewarding marriages. And, if you seek Him and sincerely cry
out to Him, He will guide and bless your marriage in many different ways!
“The Psalmist was inspired to write, 'Unless the LORD builds the house,
they labor in vain who build it' (Psalm
127:1). Without God's guidance, selfish
human nature takes over and destroys millions of marriages which should be
happy and fulfilling. Then confusion, loneliness, frustration, adultery, and
a host of other sins follow in the wake of these broken homes. Tragically,
tens of millions of children are also left deeply hurt, confused and often
very bitter and rebellious. There is no end to the problems caused by selfish
people who could and should have made their marriages successful!
“So strive with all your heart to let the true God rule your life and
rule your marriage. Learn to pray to Him regularly. If your mate is willing,
develop a family practice of praying together about your marriage!” (p.22-23)
On this point of praying together for your marriage and allowing God to help
you build a strong marriage Charlie Shedd writes:
“I spend considerable time in marriage consultation talking about prayer.
In my opinion nothing, and I mean nothing, matters more than this: Can these
two children of God accept the fact that He made them and brought them together
to create something not first for themselves but first for Him? And if they
believe this then the next question is 'Will you open the channels daily for
his spirit to touch your spirits and His love to come into your home?'
“I have seen marriages that looked for all the world like they were shattered
beyond any earthly power to put them back together. And they were. But some
of these are still going on and going greater than ever because they learned
to pray. So help me this is a fact. I have never known one couple who prayed
together who didn't find their marriage moving toward deeper understanding,
growing inner joy and a finer, fuller love…So the rule for married prayer
is: 'We will pray for each other and with each other. Every day we will pray
and the more we have to do the more we will remember to pray!'
“Sure there are homes where God is left out and they never pray and still
hold together. I'm glad that's true. It is obvious that we need permanency
of every kind. But from what I've seen this truth holds: The kind of homes
we need most are those where two lives are being drawn together by a holy
love greater than their own” (Letters to Philip, p.124-125).
To conclude this point and our ten keys to a happy marriage I'd like to quote
from Gavin Reid's book “Starting Out Together” in which he offers
these ten basic guidelines for a Christian home. Here are his ten points:
1. Be involved in the church
2. Start and end the day with a simple prayer
3. Make Bible reading and personal prayer a part of your life
4. Never go to bed angry with another member of the family. First make peace.
5. Welcome others into your home.
6. Pray with your children from the day they are born
7. Share your problems with each other and never be afraid to seek the help
of others.
8. The husband should be the leader but his leadership must help each member
to be fulfilled and happy.
9. Work away at loving your neighbour.
10. Never forget that God loves the world and wants His people to pass on
His love.
A christian home with an outgoing husband, wife and children should be a team
committed to doing good and helping others in the church. We have a good example
of this in 1
Corinthians 16:15 where Paul commends
the family of Stephanas for their combined efforts of serving the church with
these words:
“You
know the household of Stephanas, that it is the firstfruits of Achaia, and
that they have devoted themselves to the ministry of the saints.”
In his excellent book “The Art of Understanding Your Mate” Cecil
Osborne has two separate lists of commandments, one for husbands and one for
wives. Given that the needs of men and women differ, here are Cecil Osborne's
two lists to cater to the differing needs of husbands and wives:
“Here are the Ten Commandments for Wives:
I. Learn the Real Meaning of Love.
II. Give Up Your Dreams of a 'Perfect Marriage' and Work Toward a 'Good Marriage.'
III. Discover Your Husband's Personal, Unique Needs and Try to Meet Them.
IV. Abandon All Dependency Upon Your Parents and All Criticism of His Relatives.
V. Give Praise and Appreciation Instead of Seeking It.VI. Surrender Possessiveness
and Jealousy.
VII. Greet Your Husband With Affection Instead of Complaints or Demands.
VIII. Abandon All Hope of Changing Your Husband Through Criticism or Attack.
IX. Outgrow the Princess Syndrome.
X. Pray for Patience” (p.157-158)
“Here are the Ten Commandments for Husbands:
I.
Treat Your Wife With Strength and Gentleness.
II. Give Ample Praise and Reassurance.
III. Define the Areas of Responsibility.
IV. Avoid Criticism.
V. Remember the Importance of 'Little Things.'
VI. Recognize Her Need for Togetherness.
VII. Give Her a Sense of Security.
VIII. Recognize the Validity of Her Moods.
IX. Cooperate With Her in Every Effort to Improve Your Marriage.
X. Discover Her Particular, Individual Needs and Try to Meet Them” (p.171).
In his article “The Ten Commandments of a Marriage Covenant” Samuele
Bacchiochi explores ten commandments of marriage developed that exactly parallel
the ten commandments God gave to mankind at Mt Sinai. He writes:
“It is an enlightening exercise to compare the Sinai covenant with the
marriage covenant by interpreting the Ten Commandments as ten principles of
conduct for married people. Paul Stevens has produced a most perceptive
comparison between the two covenants by means of the following table:
| Covenant Between Israel and God | Covenant Between Wife and Husband |
| 1. No other Gods | 1. Exclusive loyalty to my spouse |
| 2. No graven image | 2. Truthfulness and faithfulness |
| 3. Not taking the Lord's name in vain | 3. Honoring my spouse in public and private |
| 4. Remembering the sabbath day | 4. Giving my spouse time and rest |
| 5. Honoring father and mother | 5. Rightly relating to parents and parents-in-law |
| 6. No murder | 6. Freedom from hatred, destructive anger and uncontrolled emotions |
| 7. No adultery | 7. Sexual faithfulness; controlled appetites |
| 8. No stealing | 8. True community of property with the gift of privacy |
| 9. No false testimony | 9. Truthful communication |
| 10. No coveting | 10. Contentment: freedom from demands |
Marriage truly is a training
ground to learn the depths of the love of God. The deep, mature, unconditional
love of God in all its multi-faceted aspects is what God wants us to learn
through the gift of marriage. Without this kind of mature love marriages can
easily fail but with it marriage truly becomes a little piece of heaven right
here on earth.
11] What are the keys to raising godly children?
In
Malachi
2:14-15 God tells us one of the main
reasons for parents to raise children. We read: “The Lord has been witness
between you and the wife of your youth…she is your wife and your wife
by covenant. But did He not make them one having a remnant of the spirit?
And why one? He seeks godly offspring.”
Parents need to be intimately involved in every facet of your child's development—moral,
spiritual, emotional and intellectual. In Proverbs
22:6 we read: "Train up a child
in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it".
It is interesting to note the root meaning of chanak, the Hebrew word for
train here, is "to narrow." Training our children involves narrowing
the choices they have to make, instead of accepting the vast array of deceptive,
negative life-styles this world offers (Matthew
7:13-14).
The most important childrearing principle is that of setting the right example.
They say that actions speak louder than words and this is no more evident
than with raising children.
“Parental example is a critical factor in right child rearing. Nothing
renders a parent's efforts in child rearing more ineffective than parental
hypocrisy. Children cannot be expected to adopt standards their parents are
unwilling to practice.
”Children and teenagers who smoke pot or take drugs will often point to their parents' addiction to alcohol, tobacco or prescription drugs. If children observe one spouse verbally attack, criticise or ridicule the other. they are likely to think this is the appropriate way to respond. Children learn from example more than from words. They are natural mimics. A child's personality often mirrors that of parents. Mannerisms, habits, vocabulary and opinions will reflect those of the parents—for better or for worse!
”Learning takes place through the five senses: seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, tasting. The right example, therefore, is important in all aspects. The way we learn is through repetition, perception, association. Your children; learn from the whole range of words you use, how you use them, the attitudes you express, the situations you explore and the information you share. Therefore, you would do well to evaluate what your example is teaching…
”Parents also need to set the right example in providing for their children's needs. The children, after all, had not ask to come into this world. The parents, whether on purpose or accidentally, produced them. When a man and woman embark on such a course, they are obligating themselves to provide for the child until the child is grown. If anyone does not provide for his own, including children, 'he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever' (1 Timothy 5:8, RAV).
”Basic provisions that children need include wholesome, balanced food; appropriate, quality clothing; cheerful, well-kept living quarters; proper education; and wholesome entertainment. Remember that children will follow parents' examples more than parents' words.
”Do
you keep your word? Are you obedient to God? Do you respect law and those
in authority? Or on the other hand, do your children see in you an individual
who criticises, complains and talks back? Do you say nice things to other
people's faces and then speak critically of them in private? Do you claim
to be one thing in public and then do just the opposite in private—even
in your own home? You will be a successful parent only if you are a right
example” (WCG Brochure – The Plain Truth About Childrearing –
article “Five Basic Rules of Parenting”)
I'd like to now quote an excellent extract from a PCG booklet (The Decline
of Modern Israel) that gives parents twelve very good points on being a better
parent:
“1] Build a good marriage
“When husbands learn to really love their wives and lead them in
a strong, positive and considerate manner, and when wives learn to submit
to their husbands and obey them as they follow God -- then couples can expect
to be effective in their CHILDREARING and FAMILY RELATIONS.
2] Don't argue in front of your children. No, never!
“Airing differences before your children automatically sends them
the wrong signal. They know immediately that they have dad and mom divided!
That usually means their natural and repeated struggles to get their own way
are as good as won, if they 'play their cards correctly.' It also tells them
which parent is most likely to agree with their DEMANDS, that is if you tolerate
DEMANDS…Children should never be allowed to play one parent against the
other.
3] Husbands, don't leave most of the disciplining and loving of your children
to your wife.
“Men, we must honestly face the fact that this is one of the most prevalent
mistakes in child rearing. When we do this, it leaves us looking like a disinterested
wimp in the eyes of our wife and everyone around us. Proof of the prevalence
and seriousness of this problem is in that last verse in the Old Testament.
As God says through the prophet Malachi, utter destruction of our people will
follow, unless fathers resume their God-given role as HEAD OF THE FAMILY (Malachi
4:6).
4] Parents must be sure they exercise fair judgment toward each child,
at all times.
“In all child-discipline situations, the offspring are on trial for their
misdemeanors, but then so are you, as their judge and jury! Don't be an 'UNJUST
JUDGE.' Here the most common pitfall is the 'spoiled brat' syndrome in relation
to the youngest child in the family. Don't show favoritism.
“Remember, your judgment is final! Children have no right of appeal,
but they can spot INJUSTICE a mile away. That is a way many children are provoked
to ANGER and FRUSTRATION. God says don't do this (Ephesians
6:4).
5] Be consistent at all times with your children.
“INCONSISTENCY is a form of injustice and provokes great WRATH and FRUSTRATION.
As adults, most of us can recall working under the authority of someone who
was totally inconsistent. You know what a great trial their unpredictability
could be. Children have the same reaction when parents are inconsistent. In
whatever form, discipline should be done PROMPTLY and always IN LOVE. Never
in a temper!
6] From an early age, teach your children to work.
“This process should begin by requiring little children to learn the
habit of picking up after themselves. They should not be allowed to just walk
off to another location, leaving trash or toys scattered behind them.
“Where tidiness is not required, mothers eventually become frazzled,
kids become SPOILED, LAZY, and THOUGHTLESS, and the environment degenerates
to that of a PIG STY! These permissive parents and children set the tone of
modern Western society, which is now unbelievably scruffy, untidy, unkempt,
boorish, ignorant, arrogant, discourteous and usually selfish!
“In teaching our children to work, we should assign everyone meaningful
chores. These should contribute to the well-being of the whole family. Remember,
motivated children love meaningful work. Encourage them to volunteer their
help, instead of allowing a family argument as to whose turn it is to do a
particular job.
“If you want children who will go above and beyond, you must set the
example as a parent. You must be a SELF-STARTER in order to also be a MOTIVATOR.
It is very difficult to motivate others if you are LAZY.
7] Maintain a right balance between love and law.
“Discipline in various forms will always be a requirement in all child
rearing. However, the amount any parent can successfully administer will be
in exact proportion to the amount of AFFECTION [and praise] you are prepared
to give. This also applies in other areas. Here is a simple equation to illustrate
the point:
“DISCIPLINE plus AFFECTION equals obedient, secure, balanced children.
DISCIPLINE minus AFFECTION equals provoked, deceitful children.
AFFECTION minus DISCIPLINE equals insecurity and role reversal.
And NO AFFECTION plus NO DISCIPLINE equals rebellion and anarchy.”
Before returning to these 12 points of childrearing I'd like to interject
some quotes relating to this seventh point. Dr James Dobson makes these comments
on the difference between a child's self-esteem and a child's will that relates
to this topic of a balance between love and disciple:
“Self-esteem is the most fragile attribute in human nature; it can be
damaged by very minor incidents and its reconstruction is difficult to engineer.
A father who is sarcastic and biting in his criticism of children cannot expect
to receive genuine respect in return. His offspring might fear him enough
to conceal their contempt, but revenge will often erupt in late adolescence…
“The
human spirit, as I have defined it, relates to the self-esteem or the personal
worth that a child feels. As such, it is exceedingly fragile at all ages and
must be handled with care. You, as a parent, correctly assume that you can
damage your child's spirit quite easily...by ridicule, disrespect, threats
to withdraw love, and by verbal rejection. Anything that depreciates his self-esteem
can be costly to his spirit.
”However
while the spirit is brittle and must be treated gently, the will is made of
steel. It is one of the few intellectual components which arrives full strength
at the moment of birth. A recent issue of Psychology Today, this heading described
the research findings from a study of infancy: 'A baby knows who he is before
he has language to tell us so. He reaches deliberately for control of his
environment, especially his parents.' This scientific disclosure would bring
no new revelation to the parents of a strong-willed infant. They have walked
the floor with him in the wee small hours, listening to this tiny dictator
as he made his wants and wishes abundantly clear. Later, a defiant toddler
can become so angry that he is capable of holding his breath until he loses
consciousness.
“'How can I shape my nine-year old's will without damaging his spirit?'…I
would suggest that you respond decisively the next time your son behaves in
a blatantly disruptive or defiant manner. There should be no screaming or
derogatory accusations, although he should soon know that you mean what you
say. He should probably be given a spanking and sent to bed an hour or two
early. The following morning you should discuss the issue rationally, reassuring
him of your continuing love, and then start over. Most rebellious pre-teenagers
respond beautifully to this one-two punch of love and consistent discipline.
It's an unbeatable combination” (Dr Dobson Answers Your Questions, p.113,
129-130)
“Also, it is important to reward good conduct. Positive reinforcement
for right action is as effective a teacher as discipline for wrongdoing. Praise
your children when the situation calls for it. Comment on your pleasure at
seeing their right conduct. Commend them for their helpfulness and consideration.
Such rewards will lend powerful support to your teaching that right conduct
brings happiness and harmony. Praise does work wonders” (WCG Brochure
– The Plain Truth About Childrearing – article “The Overlooked
In-Between Years”).
“Babies and children must have constant affection and encouragement to
develop the right kind of confidence and sense of worth and the capacity to
feel and express affection themselves. Even though this may seem obvious to
some, it is, sadly, one of the most neglected areas of childrearing.”You
who are parents must learn to hold, kiss, cuddle and encourage not only your
babies but your younger children as well. The habit of touching, hugging and
physically expressing affection to children is something one should never
outgrow! Yet how many parents have been emotionally crippled in this respect?
“You who are fathers and mothers should learn to regularly hug and kiss
your children. Take them in your arms and hug them when you have been away
from them for a while. Play with them, teach them, read to them while they
are sitting on your lap, and then hug them and kiss them again as you put
them to bed. Tell them: 'Daddy and Mommy love you. We are proud of you. We
are very glad to have a little boy (or girl) like you.'
”With such love and encouragement, your children will bloom before your eyes. Your love and assurance and the sense of security it provides will nourish them as surely as physical food. And in doing all this, you will be building a deep bond of affection and trust that will make it much easier for your children to want to respond to your training and to please you even when you are not present to su e them.
”Always
let your children know that you will love them and try to help them no matter
what. You may disapprove or even correct them for the genuine mistakes they
will certainly make. But that does NOT change the underlying love and affection
you will always feel for them” (WCG Brochure – The Plain Truth About
Childrearing – article “Five Basic Rules of Parenting”)
8] Discipline promptly and appropriately.
“Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore
the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil" (Ecclesiastes
8:11).
“Discipline must be preceded by patient teaching, and teaching that the
parent must ensure is clearly understood by the child. Bear in mind, as adults,
we don't usually understand new things the first time they are explained.
Maybe we don't fully comprehend on the second, or the third time either, so
BE PATIENT with your children, but not PERMISSIVE! To make sure you know that
they understand what you require, have them repeat your instruction and keep
teaching them until they can repeat it.
“Discipline must also be preceded by ONE warning, which should be accompanied
by another round of TEACHING. Never forget that REPEATED warnings before discipline
are WEAKNESS. REPEATED TEACHING AND PATIENT EXPLANATION are UNDERSTANDING
and MERCY. Discipline itself MUST BE ACCOMPANIED (before and after) by further
teaching.
“Discipline comes in many forms, but delayed, bad-tempered walloping
is not one that is acceptable in God's sight. Neither is sending a child to
his room. Deal with the problem then and there, while the infringement is
fresh on their mind and yours. A mixture of corporal punishment and deprivation
of privileges is best for most children. The mix of these two will vary with
the child and their age and sex.
9] Eat, work, and play together as a family.
“In
doing these things, always maintain your position as a parent. Never become
just a 'pal.' Children of all ages look to you for leadership, an example,
and guidance, even in play. You are an ADULT. Always conduct yourself as an
adult, never as a 'pal.' As a 'pal,' you descend to their level. This confuses
them and they don't appreciate it.
“It is said: 'The family that EATS together, STAYS together.' We may
be sure the same can be said for work and play! As the leader of the family,
set the example and require all to be present, washed, dressed and groomed
when your wife is ready to serve the meal. This is an important avenue for
training and maintaining law and order in the family. It is considerate of
the wife in regard to her responsibilities, and provides the best daily opportunities
for group conversation. If at all possible, this program should definitely
include breakfast, even if some have to rise earlier to participate.
“HOSPITALITY and ENTERTAINING should also come within the scope of this
point. Smart parents make their home the focal point of family social life.
It will otherwise become little more than a dormitory. If you are willing
to make the effort (and don't let the family leave most of the extra work
to the wife), all members of the family will be well rewarded.
One of the best rewards for parents is that you directly control the guest
list, the entertainment, the food and drink, the dress, and general conduct,
when your home is the social center. At any other location, you control NOTHING,
except your child's attendance!
“Be
willing to spend time teaching your young children to play various types of
sports and other games. They will love it. Encourage both boys and girls to
get involved in some kind of sport and other vigorous physical activities
from an early age. This helps them build coordination, confidence, strong,
well-developed, healthy bodies, and good relationships with others of their
own age and sex. A variety of games also helps young people develop personality,
and the ability to win and lose in the right attitude and control a wrong
spirit of competition. It has been said, one can learn more about a person's
character in a half hour of a sport or game than in a year under many other
circumstances.
10] Control what goes into your child's mind.
“First of all, SET THE EXAMPLE by what you allow into your home and your
mind. This applies to TV, videos, radio, cassettes, records, compact discs,
papers, books, magazines, etc.
“Herbert Armstrong often said, to get air out of an empty glass, you
have to put something else into it. It's the same with a child's mind. Don't
just ban all negative things and leave it at that. As parents, YOU MUST PUT
GOOD music, art, literature, decor, dress, grooming and life style in place
of the bad, the ugly, the filthy, the scruffy, the violent, and the evil.
Upgrade your own standards, so you can positively influence your children.
Point your children to all the good quality examples around them, including
other families and young people.
11] Teach your children good manners and the social graces of a prince
or princess in Israel.
"'But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation,
a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called
you out of darkness into his marvellous light: which in time past were not
a people, but are now the people of God: which had not obtained mercy, but
now have obtained mercy" (1
Peter 2:9-10). As parents with the mind
of Christ (1
Corinthians 2:16), and as ambassadors
for Jesus Christ (2
Corinthians 5:20), UPGRADE YOUR STANDARDS
and TEACH YOURSELF FIRST. Then you will be able to inculcate these things
into the minds of your children.
“Teach your children to honor you both as parents (Exodus
20:12); to rise up before the hoary head
(Leviticus
19:32); to stand for adults; to open
doors; to shake hands firmly and look people in the eye; to use 'please' and
'thank you' and people's names; to conduct themselves properly at the table;
to speak correctly and clearly. Boys need to keep their hair properly cut
(1
Corinthians 11:3-4, 7-9, 14, 16;
Daniel 4:28-37; Ezekiel 44:4-5,
20; Malachi 2:7);
keep their hands out of their pockets; their clothes neatly pressed; their
shirt tucked into their pants, rather than hanging out like some unemployed
dead-beat; their shoes cleaned and laces tied.
“Girls should be taught and required to dress modestly; to avoid every
extreme of fashion; to avoid dressing beyond their age; to avoid clothes that
are too tight, too short, or four sizes too large. They should be taught to
take good care of their hair, preserving that natural, healthy appearance.
Mothers should always set the example in dress and grooming; shun extreme
hair styles, such as the masculine, overly short look (1
Corinthians 11:5-6, 10, 15). Then there
is that other popular extreme which is long, but looks like a wild bird's
nest that has been teased out and fallen apart since the last breeding season!
12] Teach your children to believe and obey God.
"'By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God,
and keep his commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments:
and his commandments are not grievous' (1
John 5:2-3). John also wrote in 1
John 3:23: 'And this is his commandment,
That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another,
as he gave us commandment.'
“How are we to do this? There are a few very simple steps which we can
all follow and diligently apply:
“a) Set your children a godly example in your life as parents (or as
a parent).
b) Fathers, lead your family in regular and interesting Bible studies and
family prayer.
c) Help your children prove that God exists…
d) Help your children prove that the Bible is God's word…
e) Help your children prove which is God's one true Church…
f) Help your children prove who are God's true ministers…
g) Help your children prove who are Satan's false ministers…
“Young people, like the rest of us, have all kinds of WANTS and DESIRES,
but teach them to GET THEIR PRIORITIES RIGHT early in life, and keep them
right. As Christ said, 'But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness;
and all these things shall be added unto you' (Matthew
6:33).”
The following is a list of questions compiled by Dr Dobson that will help
parents develop five key concepts of christian character into their children,
particularly during the impressionable years leading up to their seventh year.
He writes:
“Listed below is a 'Checklist for Spiritual Training'—a set of targets
at which to aim. Many of the items require maturity which children lack and
we should not try to make adult Christians out of our immature youngsters.
But we can gently urge them toward these goals—these targets—during
the impressionable years of childhood. Essentially, the five scriptural concepts
which follow should be consciously taught, providing the foundation on which
all future doctrine and faith will rest. I encourage every Christian parent
to evaluate his child's understanding of these five areas:
”CONCEPT 1: 'And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart' (Mark 12:30 KJV).
1.
Is your child learning of the love of God through the love, tenderness and
mercy of his parents?
2. Is he learning to talk about the Lord, and to include Him in his thoughts
and plans?
3. Is he learning to turn to Jesus for help whenever he is frightened or anxious
or lonely?
4. Is he learning to read the Bible?
5. Is he learning to pray?
6. Is he learning the meaning of faith and trust?
7. Is he learning the joy of the Christian way of life?
8. Is he learning the beauty of Jesus' birth and death?
”CONCEPT 2: 'Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself' (Mark 12:31 KJV).
1.
Is he learning to understand and empathise with the feelings of others?
2. Is he learning not to be selfish and demanding?
3. Is he learning to share?
4. Is he learning not to gossip and criticise others?
5. Is he learning to accept himself?
”CONCEPT 3: 'Teach me to do thy will: for thou art my God' (Psalm 143:10 KJV).
1.
Is he learning to obey his parents as preparation for later obedience to God?
(most important)
2. Is he learning to behave properly in church—God's house?
3. Is he learning a healthy appreciation for both aspects of God's nature:
love and justice?
4. Is he learning that there are many forms of benevolent authority outside
himself to which he must submit?
5. Is he learning the meaning of sin and its inevitable consequences?
”CONCEPT 4: 'Fear God and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man' (Ecclesiastes 12:13 KJV).
1.
Is he learning to be truthful and honest.
2. Is he learning to keep the Sabbath day holy.
3. Is he learning the relative insignificance of materialism.
4. Is he learning the meaning of the Christian family, and the faithfulness
to it which God intends?
5. Is he learning to follow the dictates of his own conscience?
”CONCEPT 5: 'But the fruit of the Spirit is...self-control' (Galatians 5:22-23 RSV).
1.
Is he learning to give a portion of his allowance (and other money) to God?
2. Is he learning to control his impulses.
3. Is he learning to work and carry responsibility?
4. Is he learning the vast difference between self-worth and egotistical pride?
5. Is he learning to bow in reverence before the God of the universe?…
“I believe the most valuable contribution a parent can make to his child
is to instill in him a genuine faith in God. What greater ego satisfaction
could there be than knowing that the Creator of the universe is acquainted
with me personally? That He values me more than the possessions of the entire
world; that He understands my fears and my anxieties; that He reaches out
to me in immeasurable love when no one else cares; that His only Son Jesus,
actually gave His life for me; that He can turn my liabilities into assets
and my emptiness into fullness; that a better life follows this one, where
the present handicaps and inadequacies will all be eliminated—where earthly
pain and suffering will be no more than a dim memory!
“What a beautiful philosophy with which to 'clothe' your tender child.
What a fantastic message of hope and encouragement for the broken teenager
who has been crushed by life's circumstances. This is self-esteem at its richest,
not dependent on the whims of birth or social judgment, or the cult of the
superchild, but on divine decree (Dr Dobson Answers Your Questions, p.170)
The teenage years are a vital stage in the childrearing process. It's that
period in a child's life when they go from being dependent to independent
adults. Carl McNair in his article “Raising Kids for Independence”
makes these comments about the process of developing independence in children
and the process of letting them go as they mature into adults:
“During adolescence, ages 12-20, young people experience the urge to
spread their wings and test the moral concepts of their parents. This is normal
youthful behavior. This period requires parents to constantly train children
in the process of thinking, reasoning and choosing good over evil. The ability
of making right choices is a learned skill. Children who do not adequately
learn decision-making have parents who totally control every decision they
would otherwise work out…
“Parents often shudder at the prospect of their children making a mistake.
Though they seem more attentive to their children, the real reason for their
attention is that they are inwardly focused—overly concerned about their
children's behavior as a reflection on themselves. Of course, children's behavior
often does reflect on the parents. However, parents need to keep in mind that
children will make mistakes because they are children.
”Dire consequences can result from such overbearing parenting in adolescent years. The most likely fruit to be borne is anger and resentment—perhaps leading to rebellion. Though there may be an initial feeling of security from totally controlling parents, this will dissipate and turn to bitterness as young people see their friends extended more and more latitude and freedom from their parents.
”The Bible is not silent in this matter. God says, 'Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord' (Ephesians 6:4 KJV). You 'nurture' a thing by caring for it, feeding it, working with it. Also notice: 'Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged' (Colossians 3:21). The problem is that we as parents, without realizing what we are doing, cause our children to become angry and upset. We provoke them to wrath or squash their spirits, not understanding that we need to nurture and work with them, giving them some latitude or opportunity to make some decisions and some mistakes, even burning their fingers a little.
”The consequence of unbridled authoritarianism is that youths don't develop the skill of making decisions. This will wreak havoc on the maturing process. Sadly, stunted intellectual, emotional and social growth is all too often the result. Young adults in this predicament still rely on their parents for everything they need to know. They can't think for themselves, or are afraid to step out and oftentimes don't know how to properly interact with others…
”While we must gradually release our control upon our children, we must not release too much too soon. This is inviting disaster. There must be limits and there must be rules—as long as a young person lives under his parents' roof. These must be reinforced by discipline—mental, moral and physical training to teach an appropriate lesson—throughout adolescence. It is during this period that young people will test the moral concepts their parents have taught them to see if they wish to adopt them as their own.
”During
adolescence, peer pressure becomes more important than parental acceptance.
And it is for this reason that parents must exercise some control over who
their kids hang out with—until their kids prove, over time, that they
know how to choose the right friends. Even then, parents should remain aware
of who their kids are spending time with, sometimes telling the child to avoid
a bad crowd or individual.
”Notice, also, what family psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman said in…Bringing
Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down: 'Two major issues bring parents and their
children to my counseling office: authoritarianism and permissiveness. Authoritarians
tell the child, 'My way or the highway.' Permissive parents say, 'Have it
your way, Honey. Can I drive you anywhere?'
”'Both approaches leave children feeling unloved, insecure, not belonging,
unapproved of and unrecognized—and operating in an independent, irresponsible
way. Both approaches erode children's self-image or sense of self-worth. When
used to extremes, both approaches lead straight to a seriously dysfunctional
family.
”'Within
the firm-but-fair approach, however, is a great deal of flexibility—and
freedom to fail...When children feel they can never fail, they're hampered
and become afraid to try, risk, create, grow and learn. When parents are understanding,
they can turn a failure into a good learning situation' ["What Makes
a Functional Family?" p. 12-13].
“How do you 'raise kids' for independence? Remember to incrementally
release control over your children's lives to enable them to learn how to
make right choices. By this means, you will help your children develop self-discipline
in obeying the moral principles you have taught them from the Holy Bible and
traditional family culture” (World Ahead, May 1995, p.21-23).
Even with the best parenting some children may still reject their parents
ways, particularly if there is very strong peer pressure or if the child has
a single parent [though a few of the good kings and prophets had bad fathers
but good mothers]. Children are free moral agents and may still stray morally
with the best of guidance but these cases will be very rare if both parents
are diligent in following these keys to good childrearing. When your child
is no longer a child; when he reaches maturity and enjoys a life of happiness,
balance, wisdom and sound judgment, without the cares and kickbacks of disobedience,
then you can say that your child training has been a success.
12] What is christian maturity?
To finish off this lesson let’s put it all together and look at how
to be balanced and the principles of being a mature christian. What is christian
maturity? Charles Swindoll in his book “Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back”
answers this question the following way:
“What is a sign of maturity? Practicing what you hear [Romans
2:13, James.
1:21-27]. Through practice you become mature [Hebrews 5:12-14].
YOU SEE, IT IS ONE THING TO GROW OLD IN THE LORD, BUT IT IS ANOTHER THING
TO GROW UP IN THE LORD!
“There are many people cruising from church to church, from Bible conference
to Bible conference, filling notebook after notebook, wearing out Bible after
Bible, who are still some of the crankiest, fussiest, most irresponsible people
you meet. Why? Because they do not practice the things they hear.
“This is the whole thrust of
the Book of James. I call James the New Testament's ‘man from Missouri.’ He
wants you to put to the test what you claim to believe—by doing it! A mature
person is one who is involved in practicing on a regular, consistent basis
what he hears and what he takes in. Just being exposed to Bible instruction
won't solve problems” (p.21).
Another aspect of christian maturity
is being balanced and not going to extremes. In Joshua
1:7 Israel's leader Joshua was encouraged to walk in God's
ways and to "turn neither to the right nor to the left"(KJV). The
Bible emphasises the need to guide our lives between the left predispositions
and the predispositions on our right. In other words, don't go to extremes!
Steiner offers the following
appendix in his book "The God Who is There" to illustrate that often
the true godly traits fall in the centre of two not-so-godly traits.
| LEFT | MIDDLE | RIGHT |
| disorderliness | orderliness | pedantry |
| cowardice | bravery | recklessness |
| apathy | concern | over-sensitivity |
| indifference | compassion | effusiveness |
| wastefulness | thrift | miserliness |
| vacillation | equanimity | rigidity |
| sloth | controlled activity | over-activity |
| closing of one's eyes | needed confrontation | hurtful criticism |
God is neither right-winged nor left-winged politically.
Some people are so conservative that they will never try new ideas or change
things while others are so liberal that they will forsake tried and tested
truth and patterns of living which God has ordained. God is neither. He has
the perfect balance and is straight down the line as we would say about those
who stick to tried and tested truths of living and doctrine.
Charles Swindoll in his book “Active Spirituality” points out these
ways that we need to be balanced in:
“We
need a balance between work and play (too much of either is unhealthy and
distasteful).
We
need a balance between time alone and time with others (too much of either
takes a toll on us).
We
need a balance between independence and dependence (either one, all alone,
leads to problems).
We
need a balance:
between
kindness and firmness,
between
waiting and praying,
between
resisting and co-operating,
between
saving and spending,
between
taking in and giving out,
between
wanting too much and expecting too little,
between
warm acceptance and keen discernment,
between grace and truth” (p.140).
Character is best seen when tough choices are made by people (Luke 14:26, Philippians 2:1‑4). You don’t really know someone
deeply until they have to make those tough choices.
Character and christian maturity is seen when someone is selfless enough
to defer to the will and good of others when it conflicts with what they would
prefer to do. This is how you can get a good idea of just how mature someone
is, whether they are a friend or a potential mate.
God's way of life is all about
relationships and the way that we treat and value our friendships and the
way that we respond when people bring things to our attention that need improvement
are a reflection of our character.
We can ask the
question, “How responsive am I when someone criticizes me?” Do we defend ourselves
and minimize our problems when we shouldn’t? Do we really try to change and
apply any legitimate criticism, regardless of the attitude of the person who
brings it to our attention? Do we ignore someone who wants to bring something
to our attention and sweep issues under the carpet? Our ability to handle
correction when it comes to us in all shapes and forms, both harsh and gentle,
is a reflection of our character and maturity.
The following are a list of questions that you can use to gauge how
deep your own christian maturity is or that of other people such as someone
you might be romantically interested in :-
Is our love merely limited to our own small circle of friends?
Is it limited to giving only when it is convenient to us?
Do you ONLY take an interest in a girl if you are a guy (or vice versa)
if you like them romantically?
How much do you talk about spiritual things?
Do we give in order to get back favours, friendship or popularity?
Do you put others needs first or do you have to have your own way?
Do you avoid or neglect responsibility toward others?
Do you get upset when you're not the centre of attention?
Do you demand or expect too much from other people?
Do you refuse to admit error when wrong?
Do you have a strong interest in God’s work through the church?
Are you sensitive to do the right thing by God or do you excuse “little”
sins?
Christianity is a way of the
heart. It is something that is meant to operate within our deepest inner feelings
and thoughts. If we read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation - we
can see that God has always been primarily interested in the heart. All the
things that came along whether it be sacrifices, rituals, punishments - all
revolved around the matter of man's heart.
Listen to the words God spoke
at Mt Sinai. We can hear the longing in the words He spoke. In Deuteronomy
He says: "Oh, that they had such a heart in them...that it might be well
with them and with their children forever” (Deuteronomy 5:29).
It's never changed! God has been searching the hearts of men (Proverbs
20:27) since He first created Adam.
- From Noah’s day where He
found their heart evil continually (Genesis
6:5).
- To David: a man after God's
own heart (1
Samuel 13:14).
- To Solomon whose many wives
turned his heart away (1
Kings 11:4).
Remember the Pharisee that
asked Christ: "What is the first commandment of the law?" Christ
answered and said: "to love God with all your heart and all your soul”
(Matthew 22:36).
The Pharisees were keeping
the technical rules - even more than what was required - but their heart was
WAY OFF BEAM. It is possible to keep all the rules and be totally wasting
your time! And yet this same issue of a way of rules versus a way of the heart
is where so many Christian people go astray. They correctly see that Christianity
is a way of the heart so they toss out the rules! They say that God's commandments
and laws and holy days are done away. They lose perspective. It IS all a matter
of the heart! But without God's laws how can we ever test our heart to see
if it is on track?
Christ said He came not to
destroy the law but to magnify it. And how did he magnify it? He put it back
into the heart where it belonged!
- No longer don’t just not
murder but don’t hate in your heart (Matthew
5:21-22).
- No longer don’t just not
commit adultery but don’t lust in your heart (Matthew
5:27-28).
It all seems to revolve around
the matter of the heart. It doesn't matter if your 5 years old, whether your
baptized or not - God is intently interested in what goes on inside your heart
more than anything else. David and Samuel were chosen in their youth - before
they received the Holy Spirit - because of their hearts.
What is it that you really
WANT to do? Why do you do the things that you do? It’s good to reflect
on that from time to time? What really motivates you to do the things that
you do? What are your motives as opposed to your attitude? You may have good
intentions but your actions will show what really motivates you – whether
you truly at the deep emotional level want to live selfishly and do your own
thing or whether you truly want to obey God (Matthew
15:18-19).
It’s the heart that is the
key. God gave us these laws - not to test us or try us - but so that we can
live a happy life. They are a guide to our heart. It's not a burdensome set
of rules (1
John 5:3). God knows our heart - but He wants us to also know
its true status.
If you want a happy
and fulfilling life you will keep your heart right with diligence (Proverbs 4:23).
You will save a lot of heartache later. Use God's laws as the measure of testing
your heart. Don't use your peers or other worldly standards - it doesn't work.
Give attention to what goes on inside your heart because if you don't keep
it properly it eventually will find some expression in your life.
In
the Sermon on the Mount we read the purpose of why God gave His laws and statutes
to mankind, “Therefore you shall be [become] perfect, just as your Father
in heaven is perfect” (Matthew
5:48). God is in the process of transforming us lowly human
beings into spirit-born children of God to inherit all power and the whole
universe.
We
need to develop God’s holy righteous character and learn to get along with
each other before He changes us at the resurrection to come. God’s laws teach
us the principles of how to get along with each other and really enjoy this
life as well as helping to our character so at the resurrection “the
spirits of just men [will be] made perfect” (Hebrews
12:23).
We
should be so very thankful that God has given us such wisdom and knowledge
of how to have a happy and peaceful life through the laws and statutes that
He has given to us in His instruction manual that tell us what makes life
really work!
Summary
1] What is God’s way of life?
·
In God’s instruction manual, the Bible, He reveals
two basic ways of life - two divergent philo s. They travel in opposite
directions. They are very simply: the way
of GIVE and the way of GET. God’s way is the way of LOVE, of outgoing concern,
of giving (Matthew
22:36-40, 1 John 4:8)!
·
The
way of life of the early Christians was called the Way because they lived
the way Christ lived (Acts
19:9, 23, 22:4,
24:14). Paul also referred
to their way of life as ‘the way of the Lord’ and ‘the way of God’
(Acts 18:25-26).
2] What are the Ten Commandments?
·
The
Ten Commandments are found in Exodus
20 and Deuteronomy
5 and are broad, specific actions that cover the basics of
how to live a godly life. If you think of the Bible as a guidebook for human
behaviour, the Ten Commandments serve as the main headings in its table of
contents. By themselves, the commandments do not tell the whole story, but
they clearly summarize it (Romans 13:9).
·
The
first four define how to relate to God and how to show proper love and respect
for our Creator (Matthew
22:36-37). They are:
1) You shall have no other gods before me.
2) You shall not make for yourself a carved
image…you shall not bow down to them nor serve them.
3) You shall not take the name of the lord your God in vain.
4) Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.
·
The
last six give the basics of how to have right relationships with each other
and to show love for our fellow man (Romans
13:9). They are:
5)
Honour your father and your mother.
6)
You shall not murder.
7)
You shall not commit adultery.
8)
You shall not steal.
9)
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.
10)
You shall not covet…anything that is your neighbour’s.
·
In
John 13:34
Jesus said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as
I have loved you, that you also love one another”. What was new about this
commandment was His own example of love. When you think about the example
of Jesus Christ in how He loved others, He really has raised the bar quite
considerably by asking us to love others as He did. The incredible way in
which He raised the standard by His example is what is so incredible and “new”
about this command to love others.
3] What are the Statutes and Judgments?
·
After
God gave Israel the Ten Commandments He gave them secondary laws which gave
them further details on how to live in a godly way. God’s laws give us an
understanding of the mind of God and the statutes and judgments that He gave
to Israel show us the mind of God in action as it applies to many specific
situations.
·
Statutes
are secondary laws that made by lawmakers. Judgments are judicial decisions
based upon the principles of already existing laws to come up with a decision
as to how best to apply those principles where there is no specific law to
cover what is being judged upon. To determine whether a law in the Old Testament
is a statute or a judgment we need to understand why the particular law was
made and then we need to ask whether that law can be applied for all cultures
for all times. If it can be, it’s a statute (Leviticus 11, 23:31),
otherwise it’s a judgment (Deuteronomy 22:8,
Jeremiah 7:22).
·
God’s laws on government are designed to protect the
people from having unfit men gain positions of power and limit the burden
put on the people by those in authority. They are also designed to help leaders
best serve the people. Some government statutes and judgments include the
qualities to look for in appointing leaders and judges (Exodus 18:21),
kings having to write a copy of the Law (Deuteronomy
17:18-19) and limits
on the power of any future king that the people of Israel might ask for (Deuteronomy 17:14-17).
·
There are three tithes spoken of the Bible. The first
tithe or tenth of our income is to go to God to support the work of the church
(Leviticus 27:30, Malachi
3:8-10, Matthew 23:23, Hebrews
7). The second tithe or tenth of
our income is for us to save and spend on ourselves and others during God’s
Holy Days such as the Feast of Tabernacles (Deuteronomy
14:22-27).
·
The
third tithe was a part of ancient Israel’s welfare system and was taken up
in the third and sixth years of each seven year cycle to provide for the poor
(Deuteronomy 14:28-29)
with preference given to those who could not glean the fields. The third tithe
backed up the primary means of providing for the poor, which was gleaning
what crops and fruit were left behind by those who harvested the land (Leviticus 19:9-10).
·
We spend enormous sums maintaining prisons, but under
the Israel laws the following methods were used in punishment:
1)
The death penalty for capital offences such as murder (Genesis
9:5-6, Exodus 21:12-14),
kidnapping (Exodus
21:16), adultery (Leviticus 20:10-21],
homosexuality and bestiality (Leviticus 20:13-16),
blaspheming God (Leviticus 24:11-16,
23), desecration of the
Sabbath (Exodus 35:2)
and idolatry (Exodus 22:20).
2)
Whipping from one to forty stripes for minor offences (Deuteronomy
25:1-3).
3)
In case of stealing and destruction of another man’s property, restitution:
to which must be added from one hundred to four hundred per cent as punishment
(Exodus 22:1-4).
4)
Those who were financially unable to make restitution or pay the fine, were
compelled to contribute their work and labour until the debt had been fully
paid (Exodus 22:1-3).
5)
Confinement in a city of refuge for accidental killing (Numbers 35:22-28).
·
The purpose of the religious laws God gave to Israel
were to help them stay close to God and maintain a high standard of morality
and love and concern for each other which would result in peace and co-operation
in Israel as well as many other blessings.
·
The
Sabbath and the Holy Days, were the fundamental religious laws God gave (Leviticus 23) along
with rules of
cleanness and uncleanness and other rules of purity (Numbers
19:11-22). The sacrifices were given (Leviticus
1-6) for the purpose of impressing on a carnal, physical people
the need of a far greater sacrifice to come in the person of Jesus Christ,
the son of God (Hebrews
10:1-10) and to impress on them the need to show thankfulness
to God for all the wonderful things that God has done for His people.
·
There were five different types of offerings – the
burnt offering (Leviticus
1), the grain offering (Leviticus
2), the peace offering (Leviticus
3), the sin offering (Leviticus
4) and the trespass offering (Leviticus
5-6:7).
·
God’s laws on family life are designed to keep families
strong and safe from the threats of infidelity, fornication, immorality of
other kinds and financial hardship. Some of those family laws included honouring
our parents (Exodus
20:12),
honouring the elderly (Leviticus
19:32),
diligently teaching children the truth and ways of God (Deuteronomy 6:6-9, Ephesians
6:4), commands against actions such as fornication (Exodus
22:16-17), marrying outside of Israel (Deuteronomy 7:3) (and today the church 1
Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 6:14), homosexuality (Leviticus
20:13, Romans
1:26-27)
and incest (Leviticus
18),
exemption from military and other civil duties for newlyweds (Deuteronomy 24:5).
·
God’s
laws on property and economics are designed to ensure the protection of the
property and inheritance of men from theft, damage and devaluation. Some of
them include having just weights and scales and a just medium of exchange
(Deuteronomy 25:15)
forbidding
of interest to fellow Israelites except for commercial loans (Exodus 22:25), the clearing of debts at
the end of each seven year cycle (Deuteronomy
15:1-6), the
Jubilee law (Leviticus
25:8-17),
the land sabbath (Leviticus
25:1-7),
and laws concerning the borrowing of items (Exodus
22:14-15).
·
God’s health laws include
the forbidding of eating a range of animals that were designed for scavenging
and other purposes than food such as seafood and pigs (Leviticus
11, Deuteronomy 14), banning of drinking of blood (Leviticus
17:10-14, 19:26) and
eating animal fat (Leviticus
7:23-25). Animals that die naturally are not to be eaten (Deuteronomy 14:21)
and the kidneys and the liver are also forbidden (Exodus
29:13, 22). God commanded
the Israelites to physically circumcise their male babies on the eighth day
(Leviticus
12:3) and to bury their sewerage
(Deuteronomy 23:13-14).
4] What can we learn from the Sermon
on the Mount?
·
While the Ten Commandments
and the other laws and statutes focus mainly on the letter of the law, the
Sermon on the Mount covers the spirit and intent behind the laws God gave
to Israel when they came out of Egypt. In this sermon Jesus Christ laid out
the very essence of Christianity (Matthew
5-7).
·
At the beginning
of His famous Sermon on the Mount He explained seven distinct character traits
that produce true joy that persists, even in the midst of persecution, outward
pressure and turmoil. These traits are often called the beatitudes or beautiful
attitudes (Matthew
5:3-9). They are to be poor in spirit or humble, mourn for
those who hurt in this world, be meek and teachable, be merciful, be pure
in heart free from hypocrisy and be peaceable.
·
He then used two analogies comparing us to salt and to light to show that
we are to be good examples of living God’s way of life in this spiritually
darkened world (Matthew
5:13-16).
·
Christ said that he did not come to destroy the law but to fulfill. Fulfill,
in this case, means to live by it or to bring it to the full (Matthew 5:17-19). Not
only did He teach that we should keep the letter of the law but that we should
also live by the spirit or intent of the law.
He used two examples to show how He magnified the law. He said don’t just
not murder but don’t even hate someone in your heart (Matthew
5:21-22). We are not to just not commit adultery but not to
lust for someone else’s wife in our heart also (Matthew
5:27-28).
·
In Matthew 5:23-26
Christ explained that we should be quick to resolve conflicts with people
we know we have offended. For us to have a right relationship with God we
need to have right relationships with others also (1
John 2:9).
·
Christ tells us that
we are to love even our enemies and said that if a man in anger abuse or hurts
you, “turn to him the other cheek’’ (Matthew
5:38-42), that is, instead of avenging that injury, prepare
for another, and bear it patiently. We may avoid evil, and may resist it,
so far as is necessary to our own security but we must not render evil
for evil, must not bear a grudge, nor avenge ourselves personally. We
are to use the proper civil and law authorities to obtain vengeance and not
take matters into our own hands (Romans
12:17 - 13:5).
·
We are not to do good
works to be seen of men or to draw attention to ourselves so others will praise
us. We are to do good because we believe in helping others (Matthew 6:1).
·
In the model prayer
Christ gave (Matthew
6:9-13) He told us to begin our prayers by praising our Father
in heaven. We are to pray for God’s kingdom to come and that He will give
us our daily needs which implies we should pray on a daily basis. We should
care for and pray for other people’s needs as well. We are also to daily seek
forgiveness for our regular sins and those of others and we are to pray for
spiritual strength for ourselves and others to handle the trials that life
throws at us at times.
·
Christ tells us to
focus on laying up treasures in heaven (building God’s character) rather than
treasures on earth (Matthew
6:19-21). He also tells us that you can’t serve two masters
at the same time such as God and money (Matthew
6:24).
·
Many people have to
endure the weekly struggle of making just enough money to make ends meet.
This can be a cause of great worry and anxiety for people. God tells us not
to worry and that we have His promise (Matthew
6:25-33) that He will always provide for our needs (not
always our wants though) if we seek Him and His righteousness FIRST
ahead of everything else. Do we give Him first place with our time and obedience?
·
In
Matthew 7:1-5
Jesus tells us not to be judgmental and condemning in dealing with people.
We aren't to have a negative, critical, "holier-than-thou" attitude
towards others, especially when we have problems the same or greater than
they have.
·
We
must come to see that God is very real and really does answer prayer. Christ
told His disciples to ask, seek and knock (Matthew
7:7) and that God would be there to provide. He then went on
to explain the golden rule we should live by do to others what you would have
them do to you (Matthew
7:12).
·
In
the conclusion to His Sermon on the Mount, Christ drew a series of contrasts
by describing two paths, two trees and two houses that teach us that
we must learn
to make right choices while rejecting wrong ones (Matthew 7:15-27).
5] What are the seven deadly sins?
·
Pride,
envy, anger, greed, sloth, lust and gluttony. This list, known as the seven
deadly sins, has been categorized together since the Middle Ages as a means
of helping people examine their behaviour before God.
·
There
is nothing wrong with having a high opinion of ourselves, our achievements
or our beliefs [the right kind of pride] as long as they are realistic and
not excessive [the wrong kind of pride] (Romans 12:3, 1
John 2:16).
·
There
are a number of different kinds of pride. The
pride of other-control is the
inability to tolerate a situation unless in charge of it. The pride of vanity says: “I can't stand it if I am not noticed,”
and, “I can't stand it if, when I am noticed, somebody doesn't think well
of me.” Presumptuous pride says, “I can do anything. In fact, I can do
anything better than you can.” The pride of self-sufficiency is
a pride that refuses to reach out for help, especially from God. Those who
have the pride of superiority feel
that they are better or more important than others and they look down at or
despise others (Luke
18:9).
·
Envy has nothing to do with what
we already have. The envious person is worried about what somebody else has
and is very similar to covetousness. The envious person cannot tolerate somebody's
having something he or she wants and cannot have (Proverbs
14:30). It can easily be diagnosed: If you feel miserable
when you see the success of somebody else, you have it or if you feel satisfaction
from another's misfortune, you have it. To stop coveting and being envious,
we need to practice being content with what we have (1 Timothy 6:6-10).
·
Anger is an emotional reaction of hostility that brings
personal displeasure, either to ourselves or to someone else. Anger does not
have to lead to sin (Ephesians
4:26). Christians
are right to be upset about sin and injustice and should take a stand against
them. Often though, our anger comes from jealousy and from things simply not
going our way. The wrong kind of anger
is very closely connected to selfishness - a desire to always have things
go your way and a lack of tolerance when for we are “wronged”. We need a graciousness
to accept things when circumstances go against us.
·
The fourth deadly sin is that
of greed. Greed refuses to be denied anything it wants to possess (1 Timothy 6:6-10). Greed
is where we want too much, where we want to have more at the expense of others,
where we want more than we can reasonably afford and where we are obsessed
with possessions much more than character growth and building good relationships
with people.
·
Deadly sin number five is that of sloth, which is an
old English word for laziness. Laziness is that trait of avoiding or being
disinclined to work (Proverbs
6:6, 21:5)..
There's a difference between leisure and laziness. Relaxation and recreation
provide a necessary and much needed balance to our lives; but when it is time
to work, christians should jump right in.
·
The sixth deadly sin is, arguably, the hardest of all
to overcome. We know it as lust. Sexual lust is a covetous dersire to have
sex with someone who we are not married to. It hurts God because it shows
that we prefer following our own desires instead of the leading of the Holy
Spirit. It hurts others because it violates the commitment so necessary to
a relationship and it deeply affects our personality, which responds in anguish
when we harm ourself physically and spiritually.
·
We are to take Paul’s words to “flee fornication”
(1 Corinthians
6:18) seriously and do as Job did by making “a covenant with
[our] eyes not to look lustfully at a girl” (Job
31:1). Commit yourself that you will not look lustfully and
that you will focus on Christ and His way anytime you are sexually stimulated.
·
We should honour God by keeping ourselves
in reasonable shape physically, keeping ourselves healthy and not abuse it
through such practices as overeating or gluttony, drunkenness, smoking and
substance abuse. By doing those practices we break the principle of glorifying
God in our bodies (1
Corinthians 3:16-17, 6:20).
·
The key to winning the battle over sin is simple: We
must feed our spiritual nature (2
Corinthians 4:16, Romans 12:1-2) through things such as prayer (Romans 12:12), Bible study (Matthew 4:4), meditation (Psalm 119:97-99), fasting (Isaiah 58), listening to sermons and
Bible studies (Romans
10:14),
fellowshipping with God’s people (Hebrews
10:24-25)
and using God’s Holy Spirit (Ephesians
3:16-20, Romans 8:1-4). We also must starve our sinful side by bringing every
thought into captivity (2
Corinthians 10:5)
and fleeing temptation (1
Corinthians 6:18).
·
Sin
depends upon and grows out of the believing of certain lies. The first is "X" is good for me. Sin
results from the misbelief that something contrary to the Word of God is good
for you (James 1:14-15). The second common untruth is, “I can't help myself”. This sin says, “I've
got to do it. I am helpless to stop myself. The temptation is bigger than
I am,” which God says is false in 1 Corinthians 10:13.
·
We cannot want to sin even though we might strive to
resist it. We cannot want to sin and hunger and thirst for God’s righteousness
(Matthew 5:6) at the same time. We either
have one attitude or we have the other. We
cannot have both of them.
6] What are the fruits of the spirit?
·
The
Apostle Paul in the book of Galatians wrote that fruit of God’s Spirit “is
love, joy, peace, longsuffering (patience), gentleness (kindness), goodness,
faith, meekness (humility), temperance (self-control): against such there
is no law” (Galatians
5:22-23). These attitudes or fruits as Paul calls them are
part and parcel of what God’s nature is.
·
Herbert W. Armstrong used to define our English word “love”
as AN UNSELFISH, OUTGOING CONCERN FOR
OTHERS (1
Corinthians 13:4‑7). Love
is unselfish. It must have unselfish motives. Love doesn’t give in order
to get back. It gives purely out of concern to serve the other person. Love is outgoing. It must manifest itself
in a pattern of good works and not just be good intentions (Proverbs 27:5, 1
Timothy 6:18). Love is also being concerned. Are our minds focused just on our daily
pursuits and having fun or do we think a lot about others and their needs?
·
If we have true outgoing love we’ll extend ourself
beyond our own personal comfort zone and give to those we wouldn’t naturally
associate with, along with those who are closest to us (Luke 6:32).
·
Joy and happiness are similar but not the same. Joy is
a calmness and thankfulness that God is in control whether your circumstances
are good or bad while happiness is feeling good and excited about the way
your life is (James
1:2, 1 Peter 4:12-13).
Happiness comes from the word happenings which are sometimes good and sometimes
bad.
·
Peace
is calmness and an absence of conflict which can be manifest conflict or inner
conflict. Not only do we need to learn how to prevent conflict but we also
need to learn how to resolve conflict (Matthew
5:9). Humility precedes peace. Pride, the opposite of humility,
breeds contention (Proverbs 13:10).
·
When we have offended someone else we need the humility to admit the mistake, apologize
and make sure not to repeat it (Matthew
5:23‑24).
·
When another person has wronged us we need to approach them privately about the
problem and show them the problem with gentleness and love (Matthew
18:15‑17). We should sincerely forgive
them when they do repent.
·
When two are arguing and have a conflict of interests over personal preferences
that are not wrong of themselves we need to put others needs
and desires above our own and be willing to defer to others (Genesis
13:7-9, Philippians 2:1‑4). We need to develop the flexible quality of being willing
to yield or easy to be entreated (James
3:17). If we have that flexible
approach to others, without necessarily yielding to everything when it may
not be right to, we will find we can reduce the number of arguments we have
with others.
·
Prevention is better than cure. Two things we can do to prevent arguments are a) Strive
not to do things that hurt or annoy others and b) Try not to be oversensitive
(Ephesians 4:1-3).
Don't complain too much about other's problems and bad habits. Though there
is a time to point them out courteously, learn to bear with them more (Colossians 3:13).
·
Patience
is "the capacity, habit or fact of bearing pains or trials calmly or
without complaint." Two things are involved: 1) being in an unpleasant
situation, and 2) being calm about it. Some trials and persecutions we can
do nothing about; we must simply remain under them, patiently, until the trials
are over (James
1:2-4). As best we can, we should endure them cheerfully. Cheer
is easier to endure than bitterness and self-pity.
·
Kindness
is the desire, the inclination, the willingness to do good - even when that
good is undeserved (Luke
6:31, Matthew 25:35-36).
It is being merciful, mellow and easily approachable.
·
Goodness
comes from the Greek word, agathosune, which means God's way of love in action
expressed in acts of helping others.
·
The
word faith in the New Testament comes from the same word as believe. And both
words believe and faith come from the root verb meaning "to be persuaded'.
Faith is being totally persuaded that God's promise of a better life in the
future is true; of being totally persuaded that Christ was the Son of God
and died for our sins; of being totally persuaded that He will come back again;
and of being totally persuaded by God’s promises to bless and help us throughout
the Bible (Hebrews
11:1).
·
Worry,
the opposite of faith, is a sin. It is always a sin for two reasons. Worry
is distrust in the truthfulness of God and worry is detrimental to the temple
of God [our bodies]. When you worry we accuse God of falsehood!
·
A
humble person is lacking in selfishness, pride, envy and vanity (Matthew 5:3).
A humble person is one who doesn’t feel superior to others. That doesn’t mean
he wallows in self-pity but instead he realizes how insignificant he is without
God (John 5:30,
Romans 7:18-24). A humble
person is willing to admit his mistakes and learn from and be corrected by
others, especially from God (Psalm 25:4-5, Isaiah 66:2).
·
A humble person is not snobby where they only spend
time with those who are “good enough” for them (Romans
12:16). A humble person is willing to play second fiddle to and serve under others
and doesn’t feel cheated when others get credit for things. He rejoices in
others’ successes (Romans
12:15). A humble person doesn’t consider his needs as important
as those of others but gives preference to them (Romans
12:10).
·
Self-control
(or temperance) anchors God's love and your salvation. Self-control is active
self-mastery. Self-control is the ability to temper our feelings and our drives
and say no to them when expressing them might hurt ourselves and others and
lead to sin (1
Corinthians 9:26-27, 10:23, 2
Corinthians 10:5).
7] What laws and advice does God have
for young people?
·
The starting point for young people who want to be wise
and enjoy a happy and prosperous life is when we acknowledge only God has
the real answers and when we believe He exists and respect His laws. The second
principle strikes a little closer to home. God, who offers you such an incredible
future if you will follow Him, says you must learn to listen and obey your
parents and do what they say unless what they say is directly contrary to
God's law (Proverbs
1:6-7).
·
We all have to make choices whether we like to or not.
The decisions we make in our life will determine whether we will be a success
or a failure in life, whether we will be richer or poorer, whether we will
be happy or miserable. God's way of life is the way to true happiness and
the right kind of fun that doesn't lead to youthful pitfalls and heartaches.
God tells young people to diligently
seek the knowledge and wisdom of God’s way of life from Him through reading
His word, from their parents and from the church (Proverbs 2:1-12, 3:5-7).
·
Develop a personal friendship
with God (Proverbs
3:5-7, 1 Peter 5:7). Do you ask Him as you would ask a friend for help
with the little things in life as well as the big things you need help with?
KEEP CLOSE TO GOD AND OPEN UP TO HIM ABOUT EVERYTHING AS YOU WOULD WITH YOUR
BEST FRIEND!
·
In 2
Corinthians 13:5 we're asked to examine whether we are in the
faith. Why do you come to church anyway? Fun and social activities should
be part of it but it shouldn't be the most important thing. God has called
us to be rulers and teachers (Revelation 5:10)
when Christ comes back to straighten this world out. It really is a pearl
of great price far more valuable than anything else we might have in this
life (Matthew
13:45-46)!
·
Men are called on by God to be good leaders of their families
and they need to be masculine in the right kind of way (1 Corinthians 11:3).
There are two sides to true masculinity ‑ there are the physical and
there are the spiritual characteristics. Men should be reasonable strong and
fit and should be able to endure hardship, both physically and emotionally
in order to comfort women through those kind of trials. Education and knowledge
are vital tools for a masculine young man with real goals and purpose (Luke
2:46‑47). A truly masculine man gives his all to help,
provide, encourage and support his family seeking God's help diligently in
his life to truly lead others in a godly way.
·
A good understanding of what true femininity is can be
found described in two passages of the Bible. The first one in Genesis 2:18 describes
the goal of true femininity while the second one in Proverbs
31 describes an ideal example of a truly feminine woman. The goal of true femininity is to fulfill the purpose of why God created
woman ‑ to be a helper to others and, in particular, to man. The word
helper does not mean slave. It means a supporter and a encourager ‑
someone who'll lighten his load in life and is also a companion and a friend.
·
There is no set for what a truly feminine woman should
be like just a common theme ‑ that she is a helper and a supporter to
others as well as seeking her own fulfillment in a balanced way. A woman who
is kind, who reaches out and cares for other people and makes them feel good
about themselves, who’s generous and lives God’s way of life – that is REAL
beauty (1 Peter
3:3‑4)!
·
Emotions and feelings are impulses from within us that
move us toward action. Emotions are what drive us to do the things we do.
When our emotions are controlled we do what is right and if they're not we
do what we feel like. The Greeks put it well when they said that emotions
must be ruled by reason and also, just as important, that reason must be warmed
by emotion (Joel
2:12, Hosea 7:14).
·
All feelings come and go and
have the same up and down nature like waves. Feelings of romance, happiness,
sadness, excitement and boredom continually go back and forth in our lives.
With that in mind there's no need to panic when negative feelings creep into
our lives.
·
Dating is a form of giving ‑ giving someone of a
good time. Everybody you know has an effect on your life because you learn
things you like and things you don't like. With broad dating experience you grow as a person.
If you've dated only a few persons or if you've gone out with only one guy
or girl you haven't given yourself the best possible chance to know what you
really want in a husband or wife.
·
It
is GOD who joins together in marriage a husband and a wife. Therefore it ought
to be - in your own interest - GOD who selects for you the husband or wife
you are going to marry! And God will do this, if you ask Him, and then refrain
from getting in a hurry and taking it into your own hands! This may require
self-restraint and patience, yes, and also faith. But if you rely on God,
He will not fail you. And if He selects your lifelong mate, you'll have the
right one!
·
Marriage is not so much in finding
the right person but being the right person that counts. If you want a queen
you need to be a king and vice versa. Marriage can only be a give and take
commitment ‑ you must be willing to give exactly what you want to receive.
The golden rule here is ‑ whatever qualities you desire in a mate, develop
first in yourself.
·
Good character is the most important thing to look for
in a potential marriage partner. How much do they talk about and are interested
in God’s truth and way of life? Does
their calling mean the world to them?
·
Conversation is the lifeblood of relationships so develop
the ability to have free-flowing conversation with each other. You have to be the best of friends if you
hope to be married and free flowing conversation is essential to that. Along with those two qualities you certainly
want to share a good number of common interests and find the other person
attractive if you hope to marry a certain person. Don’t take on the important
responsibility of marriage until you are ready emotionally, socially, spiritually
and financially.
·
Sex is like a fire. That same fire that warms a house can
burn it down. A fire in the fireplace gives warmth and comfort. A fire outside
the limits of the fireplace destroys. The proper place for sex to burn is
in the fireplace of the marriage relationship where it brings warmth to the
relationship. Outside of the marriage relationship sex destroys (1 Corinthians 6:15-20).
·
Girls in the church can easily flow along with the world’s
provocative dress fashions. Guys in the church have enough of a battle keeping
their minds pure with what the world throws at them so girls in the church
need to be sensitive to this and dress modestly (1 Timothy 2:9).
·
Young people must not just make a commitment not to engage
in sex before marriage, they also need to commit to not getting involved in
those physical intimacies that are meant to lead into sex such as prolonged
kissing, necking and petting with a girl or guy they might get involved with.
·
Some principles of good money management include tithing
and being generous to others (Proverbs
11:24‑25), developing a savings habit (Proverbs 24:27), avoiding credit as much as possible (Prov. 22:7),
being careful of impulse buying and having a good budget that you stick to
and you’re putting aside for upcoming bills and not taking a
a reactionary approach to your expenses.
·
Peer pressure is that persuasive
force that causes a teenager to go with his or her friends ‑ to do what
they want to do ‑ to have the
same attitudes they have ‑ to behave the way they behave ‑ to
go where they want to go ‑ to dress the way they want to dress ‑
listen to the same tunes they listen to and to have the same likes and dislikes
they have. God singles it out as the main problem or the single greatest
pressure that a teenager or a young person is up against in living a good
life (Proverbs
1:10-15).
·
You don't have to experiment with sin to find out that
sin brings penalties! You don't have to experiment with drugs to know the
terrible results of drug addiction. You don't have to experiment with pre‑marital
sex to know the miseries of unwanted pregnancies, the horrors of sexually
transmissible diseases, the anguish of the mental problems that stem from
the feelings of guilt you go through afterwards. God simply says look around you (Proverbs
1:20). Observe the results and the tragic lives of those
who didn't know the difference between right and wrong, who didn't have the
wisdom to make the right decisions when they were young and who didn't have
the courage to say no.
·
There
are often more subtle forms of wrong behaviour where we can be influenced
by friends IN the church to do the wrong thing (3
John 11). Such things can be bad language, dirty jokes, seeing
movies that are too filled with sex or violence or wrong values, listening
to music that have immoral lyrics and going along with the wrong kind of trends
and fashions of worldly young people.
8] How do I know if or when I should
be baptized?
·
Being
called by God is something completely different from being chosen (Revelation
17:14). The calling is a general invitation to all our young people in the
church from God where God gives them a partial understanding of His truth.
It’s a partial opening up of their minds with an invitation to become a converted
member. It’s then up to those who are called to respond to that calling at
their own pace and if they respond enough then God chooses them and gives
them a much fuller understanding of His truth (Matthew
20:16).
·
How can you tell whether you are merely accepting the doctrines
of the church and God’s way of life because your parents believe them or because
you believe in them? Well, ask yourself a simple question, “Is what you
believe a conviction or is it merely a preference?” A conviction is a
belief or a standard of behaviour that you will hold to no matter what (Luke 14:26-33).
A preference is merely something you prefer to do that you might change under
different circumstances.
·
If
God’s way of life and the teachings of the truth are something that you are
committed to, no matter what, then you do have the repentance required for
baptism no matter how you feel. Of course, like with romance and marriage,
we can fool ourselves into thinking we’re ready so it is good to get counsel
from the ministry to help make sure of your commitment level.
9] What does God say about building friendships?
·
True
friendship, on the other hand, is a relationship where there is mutual giving
and receiving and the giving is done purely for the good of the friend ‑
NOT to gain something in return. The
secret to happiness is best summed up in the old saying ‑ to love and
to be loved.
·
Those
who are deeply loved believe that people are the basic source of happiness.
Deep friendship requires cultivation over the years - evenings before the
fire, long walks together, etc. and lots of time for talk. Significant relationships
come to those who assign them enough importance to them to cultivate them.
Give your relationships the high priority that they deserve.
·
The twelve disciples
of Jesus who later went on to become apostles were close friends of Jesus
(John 15:15). Amongst
those friends Jesus was particularly close to Peter, James and John who saw
His transfiguration (Matthew 17:1-2).
Of those three, John was probably Jesus’ best friend. He was called the disciple
Jesus loved (John 13:23)
and was asked by Him to take care of His mother after His death (John
19:26-27). Jesus also had a special bond of friendship with
Moses (Exodus 33:11)
and Abraham who was called the friend of God (James
2:23).
·
God emphasizes the
importance of building and maintaining our friendships in Proverbs 27:10 where
He encourages us to maintain our friendships and not neglect them. If you
want to have friends then you must make the effort to show yourself friendly
and reach out to others (Proverbs 18:24, KJV).
Good
friends stimulate us (Proverbs 27:17)
and help and encourage us when we are feeling down and give us needed support
through life (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).
· Why
did God ordain the human relationship of marriage? Animals reproduce but animals
do not marry. Animals are born with instinct. They need little or no teaching
but with humans all this is different. The newborn human does not get up and
walk immediately to its food. The tiny baby is helpless. It has mind-but at
birth there is NO KNOWLEDGE as yet in its mind. It must be taught. It needs
parents to teach it! It is far more dependent than other creatures yet its
potential is infinitely higher! God is seeking godly offspring (Malachi 2:14-15).
For this higher purpose, parental guidance and FAMILY LIFE are NECESSARY.
The FAMILY relationship demands the HUSBAND-AND-WIFE relationship and that
demands MARRIAGE and faithfulness to that matrimonial bond.
· Ten keys to a happy marriage
include:
1) Be committed to one another (Matthew
19:4-6, Genesis 2:24,
Proverbs 18:22).
2) Have good, open communication with your spouse (Proverbs
15:23, John 15:15,
Ephesians 4:15).
3) Give plenty of quality time to our spouse (Genesis
2:18, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).
4) Give generously to your spouse (Acts
20:35, Ephesians 5:25-30,
1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
5) Be forgiving (Matthew 6:14-15,
18:21-22).
6) Develop romance and fun in your marriage (Genesis
29:20, Ecclesiastes 9:9,
Song of Solomon 1-7, 1 Corinthians
7:3-5).
7) Live by godly financial principles (Proverbs
11:24-25, 22:7, Luke 12:13-15).
8) Understand the differences between men and women (1
Peter 3:7).
9) Fulfill your godly roles (Ephesians
5:21-32, Titus 2:4-5,
Proverbs 31:10-31).
10) Centre your lives on God (Matthew
6:33, 22:37-40).
· Faithfulness in marriage
in its truest sense means therefore sexual fidelity and much more. It means
the faithful discharge of duties by husband and wife. It means dependability,
trustworthiness of character, strength in adversity, and loyalty.
· Three things each husband
should aim to do every day for their wives include: 1) Tell her you love her
2) Do something nice for her 3) Pay her a compliment.
· As Paul puts it, the husband
must love his wife in the same way as Christ loves His bride (Ephesians
5:25-29). This provision is all-inclusive. It is material (Matthew
6:26-32), spiritual (John
3:16), emotional (Ezekiel
16:6) and intensely practical (John
13:5).
· Just as Jesus donates all
He is and all He has to the Father, so the Christian wife is required to offer
her whole self to her husband (Ephesians
5:22-23). For this paradox, equality with headship, extends to marriage.
Husband and wife are equals, but the husband is the divinely-appointed chief
amongst equals.
· Love implies that I am
ready and willing to forgo my own convenience, to invest my own time, and
even risk my own security to promote my spouse's satisfaction, security and
development. That is the love and submission to one another's needs both husband
and wife are to extend to one another (Ephesians
5:21).
· The family that prays together
stays together.
· Marriage truly is a training
ground to learn the depths of the love of God. The deep, mature, unconditional
love of God in all its multi-faceted aspects (1
Corinthians 13:4-7) is what God wants us to learn through the gift
of marriage. Without this kind of mature love marriages can easily fail but
with it marriage truly becomes a little piece of heaven right here on earth.
· Twelve keys to rasing godly
children include:
1) Build a good marriage (Ephesians
5:21-30).
2) Set the right example (1 Timothy
3:4-5, 5:8).
3) Don't argue in front of your children (Genesis
13:8, 2 Timothy 2:24).
4) Fathers, don't leave most of the disciplining and loving of your children
to your wife (Malachi 4:6).
5) Be consistent at all times with your children (James
2:1-9).
6) From an early age, teach your children to work (Proverbs
10:4, 13:4, 22:29).
7) Maintain a right balance between love and law (Ephesians
6:4, Romans 12:10,
Hebrews 12:5-8).
8) Discipline promptly and appropriately (Proverbs
22:15, Ecclesiastes 8:11).
9) Eat, work, and play together as a family (1
Corinthians 16:15).
10) Control what goes into your child's mind (2
Corinthians 6:17-18, Philippians 4:8-9).
11) Teach your children good manners and the social graces of a prince or
princess in Israel (Isaiah 32:1,
1 Peter 2:9-10).
12) Teach your children to believe and obey God (Deuteronomy
6:6-9, Proverbs 22:6,
Ephesians 6:4).
· DISCIPLINE plus AFFECTION
equals obedient, secure, balanced children. DISCIPLINE minus AFFECTION equals
provoked, deceitful children. AFFECTION minus DISCIPLINE equals insecurity
and role reversal. And NO AFFECTION plus NO DISCIPLINE equals rebellion and
anarchy.
· The most valuable contribution
a parent can make to his child is to instill in him a genuine faith in God.
What greater ego satisfaction could there be than knowing that the Creator
of the universe is acquainted with me personally? (Matthew
18:10). That He values me more than the possessions of the entire
world; that He understands my fears and my anxieties; that He reaches out
to me in immeasurable love when no one else cares and that His only Son Jesus,
actually gave His life for me.
· How do you 'raise kids'
for independence? It is done by incrementally releasing control over your
children's lives to enable them to learn how to make right choices. By this
means, you will help your children develop self-discipline in obeying the
moral principles you have taught them from the Holy Bible and traditional
family culture.
12] What is christian maturity?
·
Christian maturity is practicing what you hear (Romans 2:13, James
1:21-27). Through practice you become mature. You see, it is one thing to grow old in the
Lord, but it is another thing to grow up in the Lord!
·
Another aspect of christian maturity
is being balanced and not going to extremes. In Joshua
1:7 Israel's leader Joshua was encouraged to walk in God's
ways and to "turn neither to the right nor to the left"(KJV). In
other words, don't go to extremes!
·
Character is best seen when
tough choices are made by people (Luke
14:26). You don’t really know someone deeply until they have to
make those kind of tough choices. Character and christian maturity is seen
when someone is selfless enough to defer to the will and good of others when
it conflicts with what they would prefer to do (Philippians
2:1‑4). This is how you can get a
good idea of just how mature someone is, whether they are a friend or a potential
mate.
·
God's way of life is all about relationships and the way that we treat
and value our friendships and the way that we respond when people bring things
to our attention that need improvement are a reflection of our character.
Are we
sensitive to do the right thing by God or do we excuse “little” sins?
·
Christianity
is a way of the heart. It is something that is meant to operate within our
deepest inner feelings and thoughts. God has been searching the hearts of
men (Proverbs 20:27)
since He first created Adam. Like David we should strive to be “a man (or
woman) after God's own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14).
· UCG
booklet – Making Life Work
· UCG
booklet – Transforming Your Life – The Process of Conversion
· UCG
booklet – Managing Your Finances
· UCG
booklet – What Does the Bible Teach About Tithing?
· UCG
booklet – What Does the Bible Teach About Clean and Unclean Meats?
· UCG
booklet – You Can Have Living Faith
· UCG
Bible Study Course – Lesson 11: “Christianity: A Way of Life”
· Old
WCG booklet – The Ten Commandments
· Old
WCG booklet – What is a Real Christian
· Old
WCG booklet – Principles of Healthful Living
· Old
WCG booklet – How to Have a Happy Marriage
· Old
WCG booklet – Managing Your Personal Finances
· Old
WCG booklet – All About Water Baptism
· Old
WCG booklet – Love, Marriage & Sex
· Old
WCG booklet – I Need Some Answers
· Old
WCG booklet – Prepare to Be a King
· Old
WCG booklet – There's a Hidden Enemy in Your Home
· Ambassador
College Bible Correspondence Course – Lesson 12: “Christianity is
a Way of Life”
· Ambassador
College Bible Correspondence Course – Lesson 9: “What is Real Repentance?”
· Ambassador
College Bible Correspondence Course – Lesson 10: “Should You Be
Baptized?”
· Ambassador
College Bible Correspondence Course – Lesson 11: “Why You Need the
Holy Spirit?”
· Ambassador
College Bible Correspondence Course – Lesson 32: “A New Beginning”
· The
Institutes of Biblical Law (Rousas John Rushdoony)
· Digest
of Divine Law (Howard Rand)